My wife an I are similarly proportioned to you and yours. She hates shooting my Beretta 9mm because of the sharp snap of the recoil but loves shooting my S&W .357.
The general rule of thumb, so to speak, is if you can touch your thumb to the tip of your middle finger, the pistol isn’t too big for your hand.
If the range you’re talking about is Caswell’s, I haven’t been there in three or four years since I moved across town. Traditionally, though, the staff was always very friendly and knowledgeable. I hope that’s still true. I always liked the place
I’d personally recommend renting a 4" .357, a midsized 9mm like a Kahr or a Glock and a NON-1911 .45. I say non-1911 because unless you’re willing to pay premium for a Kimber, most of them require a bit of customization in order to perform reliably and accurately. Kahr’s .45 is pretty good, and is the Springfield XD, generally. The XD has had some longevity and parts/service issues, though, so just be advised.
Glocks are great guns to learn on and are ultra-reliable if maintained properly, but many people, myself included, hate the way they feel in the hand. When I was shopping for a 9mm 15 or so years ago, I came down between the Glock 17 and the Beretta 92FS. Actually holding and shooting both of them tilted me 100 percent in favor of the Beretta. The thing was an absolute tack driver and a joy to shoot, where the Glock was merely acceptably accurate and felt like holding a hamhock. I’ve put more than 70,000 rounds through my Beretta since then, and have never regretted it once.
As to what was said above, definitely invest in quality, frangible hollowpoints for home defense. They’re more effective at stopping an assailant than full metal jacketed ammo and far, far less likely to exit the body or punch through walls. I personally have 147 grain Federal Hydra-Shoks in my Beretta and 158 gr .357 in my Smith.
After you start practicing and learning how to shoot, dole out the extra cash and burn through 1 box of your defensive ammo for about every 10 of the cheaper FMJ when you go to the range. The increase in power and recoil is noticable, and it’s a good idea to train with what you’ll actually be using should you ever need it.
Welcome to the shooter’s club. Feel free to PM me at cianmurphy,yahoo if you have any other questions I might be able to provide overly long-winded thoughts on. 