What are some of your favorites?
Basketball Star Blames God for Defeat.
Desperate Vegetarians Declare Cows Plants.
“God Answers Boys Prayers To Walk Again. God Says No.”
Still makes me laugh out loud when I think about it.
I can’t remember the exact phrasing but it was something along the lines of
“Fundamentalists Reject Gravity in Favor of ‘Intelligent Falling’”
a coffee-snorter if there ever was one…
the after 9/11 headline said it all…
“Holy Fucking Shit”
“Special Olympics Tee-Ball Stand Pitches Perfect Game”
After Gene Siskel died: “Ebert Triumphant”
puly meet Dob; Dob meet puly - I think you two have a similar sense of humor!
My favorite is still the one for the begining of WWII from their book, Our Stupid Century.
WA-
Headline continued on p.2
My favorite part of that front page is the slogan placed subtly in the corner: “Biggest typesetting in all the land!” (or something to that effect).
“Like boxes of shit in your house? Get a cat.”
“Dildo washed.”
“Cub scout wishes they had taught him how to chew through ball gag.”
My favorite was after Shick released a 4 bladed razor:
“Gillette Says Fuck-It, We’re Going to 5 Blades!”
Ironically, they did!
Then after Katrina:
“Local man drives down and delivers aid his own damn self”
I so look forward to Wednesday’s so I can get a good chuckle!
MtM
And this, from almost three years before the pope kicked:
Excited Catholics Already Lining Up For Pope’s Funeral
Put “Pope” in an Onion headline, and I guarantee something’s gonna shoot out my nose.
Scientists Discover Gene Responsible For Eating Whole Goddamn Bag Of Chips
ITHACA, NY—In an announcement with major implications for future generations of big fat hogs, Cornell University geneticists announced Monday that they have isolated the specific DNA series that makes an individual susceptible to eating a whole goddamn bag of chips.
Alzheimer’s Sufferers Demand Cure For Pancakes
WASHINGTON, DC—Alzheimer’s sufferers from across the nation marched on random buildings throughout Washington, D.C., Washington State, and Iowa City, IA, Monday, demanding that Congress prioritize finding a cure for pancakes, the nation’s third-leading breakfast food.
In a similar vein to the first two posts, God Finally Gives Shout-Out Back To All His Niggaz.
This one came out before the “Fusion”: Fuck Everything, We’re Doing Five Blades.
On Bush’s inauguration: Bush: ‘Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over’
CIA Realizes It’s Been Using Black Highlighters All These Years
Nabisco to discontinue unpopular "Wheat Thicks"
And, when Ronald Reagan died: Nancy Reagan available
I can’t find the link - it must’ve come out before The Onion started archiving their articles online - but my all-time favorite headline was One-Night Stand Give Strom Thurmond Change of Heart on Gay Issue.
Everything A Goddamn Ordeal in Area Family
Of course, it’s probably funnier if you come from a family where everything actually is a goddamn ordeal.