New E-toilet to Revolutionize Online Shitting
Depends Ain’t So Damn Dependable
This New Toilet Paper is So Soft and Absorbent!
I Hope My Baby Doesn’t Come Out All Fucked Up and Shit
That Teen Abstinence Rally Totally ROCKED!
I’ll Smoke Anything
Is This a Garage Sale or a Sick Joke?
Today’s Women Don’t Like It When You Come to Them as a Bull or a Swan
I’m Totally Psyched About This Abortion!
What the Hell Did I Cram in My Anus Last Night?
Man With Complete Mama’s Family Video Library Never Going On eBay Drunk Again
Scientists Discover Gene Responsible for Eating Whole Goddamn Bag of Chips
Marijuana Linked to Sitting Around and Getting High
Clinton Calls for National Week Off to Get National Shit Together
Clinton Chastises Hillary for Failure to Produce Male Heir
Clinton Makes Collage for Best Friend
Clinton Blows Entire Paycheck
Coalition of Developmentally Disabled Adults Demands Trip to McDonalds
Cousin Oliver to Join White House for Last Year of Clinton Presidency
Aging Pope “Just Blessing Everything in Site,” Say Concerned Handlers
Horribly Awkward First Sexual Encounter “Worth the Wait”
for Christian Newly Weds
Vatican Rescinds “Blessed” Status of World’s Meek-“Screw the Meek,” Says Pope
Totally Hot Chick Also Way Psycho