“Partner in crime” seems to be all the rage these days. Have none of these people seen Bonnie and Clyde?
Not deliberately left out, so much as scrubbed from memory. But yeah, that one’s ubiquitous too. Maybe people thought they were being funny?
The “like to laugh & have fun” and jeans/t-shirt thing seemed to be fairly genuine, though in retrospect the former is really just code for “still parties like we’re in college.”
Everybody likes to have fun. That’s why it’s called ‘fun’.
Also, was it Match that had the “5 things I can’t live without are…”
Invariably:
- My kids (ok, that’s good to know!)
- Something like music or pets (ok, also good to know)
- Food (really? This isn’t really supposed to be taken literally)
- Water (we knew this was next. I bet air will be last)
- Air (ugh. Just ugh)
Followed by “lol I just can’t think of anything”
That’s on OKCupid. I don’t know that there’s any good response except to punt the question in a clever way. My favorite was
I’d say the name doesn’t matter too much unless it stands out in some way, good or bad. So if I saw “LickMyPussy87” I’d be like “ugh, no” and if I saw “CaptainAngua” I’d be like, “HEY THERE” but if I saw “Heather52” it wouldn’t make me feel one way or another.
For my profile, I made a list of the top ten reasons to date me. It worked really well for me because it gave me some structure and it was easy to be a little self-deprecating and a little funny and a little braggy without sounding too gross. It has things like “I show my affection with food” and “I have easy access to puppies” and “I run and bike and in case of attacks by bears or goblins, I can help us escape”. Then, I have a list of things I like (books, science, dogs wearing clothing) things I don’t like (Trump, romantic comedies, crowds) and things I’m indifferent about (Star Wars, baseball). I included the last category because I say I’m a nerd, but I’m not into a lot of “nerd things”. So if you think we’re kindred spirits because I said I’m a nerd and you’re just thrilled to have a girl to talk about video games and comic book movies with… you may be disappointed. But I don’t hate them, so it’s not like we’re going to clash on the subject of video games. So that category may not really be necessary for most people, but it is for me.
I did actually get a pretty huge increase in interest after I changed from the “write an awkward rambling paragraph about myself” format to the list format, so you can steal if you like.
I, personally, would find “61 year old woman hoping not to die alone” a little funny and more interesting than “I’m tired of people who play games” or “I love to have fun” or “I’m looking for someone who knows what she wants.”
The thing is, you’re not applying for a job. Yes, you want to show your best side, but you’re also looking for someone who will love who you are, not just anyone who will be attracted to your generically cute profile. You don’t want to get on and be like “I’m a felon and a slob and I have bad credit,” but don’t hide your quirks or your sense of humor. You want someone you will also like, not just someone who will like you.
Good luck. It’s so awkward.
Funny or clever is always great. Food, water, and air these say nothing to me except the person is terribly boring and can’t even think of 5 things they like.
There’s nothing wrong with just answering.
- My kids 2. M career 3. Museums 4. Collecting Green Stamps 5. Harpsichords
Maybe it’s not clever, but at least it tells me something. If nothing else, We can talk about green stamps and the cool catalogs they used to have. 
To the OP: The best thing is to be yourself. If you are silly at heart, reflect it. If you are serious, reflect that. Most of all, have fun with it!
I occasionally suspect I may have overdone the silliness.