OK, I’ve got an online dating horror story I can share. Good timing too, because it happened several years ago at Halloween.
Like the OP, I was “friends” with a girl online, and we’d known each other for about two years. One day I finally get up the nerve to ask her on a date. We decide that we’d meet for coffee in the afternoon, and if we clicked we’d go back to my place, get some pizza and a bottle of wine, and watch some old horror flicks (because it’s Halloween).
It turns out that on the day of our “date” we both have minor emergencies in the morning. We can’t meet for coffee in the afternoon, but our evenings are still free. We’ve known each other online for a few years, seen each other’s picture, and generally trust each other. OK, we’ll skip the coffee and she’ll just come straight over to my place.
She arrives, it’s great to finally see her in real life, and we have a good time making small talk and getting to know each other. I had a roommate at the time, he was going to a Halloween party of his own that evening, but he was still in the apartment at that point. I think his presence really helped “break the ice”, as we were all having fun talking with each other.
After a half hour or so, I call up the local pizza joint and order up some pizza. We figure it’ll be cheaper if I just go to pick it up myself as the restaurant is just a few minutes drive away. I suggest to my “friend” that she just relax (she was running around all morning) and hang out with my roommate while I pick up the pizzas.
Traffic turned out to be heavier than expected that evening (everyone was going to Halloween parties?) and it took me around 40 minutes to get to the restaurant and then get back home. Maybe you can see where this story is going.
My “friend” stabbed and killed my roommate in the short time they were alone together, and then hid the body in a crawlspace. (It took weeks for the cops to find him.) She may have sexually violated his corpse, and she definitely ate part of his arm. It gets worse, however.
By the time I return, she’s gotten everything straightened up, and I have no idea what just transpired. She tells me that my roommate left for his party already. So we start eating the pizza. This is where things take a nosedive. Throughout our whole dinner she ate with her elbows on the table (1st Red Flag). I mean, she was doing it the entire time. How rude! And then, a little later on, she actually belches. At the table. Right in front of me (2nd Red Flag). Unbelievable! Finally, towards the end of the meal she gets an anchovy stuck between her teeth, and it stayed there for the rest of the evening (3rd Red Flag).
I tried nonchalantly pointing to my own teeth. The hint was not taken. I ask her if she’d like to brush her teeth after dinner. No, she’s fine, she says. That anchovy (or in retrospect, possibly part of my now ex-roomate’s arm) stays firmly in place. It stayed there throughout our horror movie marathon, throughout our passionate lovemaking that evening, and throughout our incredible morning sex the next day. She eventually returned home without further incident, still with the anchovy / human flesh wedged between her chompers.
Alas, I cannot abide a woman with horrible table manners, and so I never called her again after that weekend. I ignored all her emails, IM’s, phone calls, and the letters she wrote using human blood (hers? someone else’s roommate’s?) until they eventually stopped coming.
I’m still pretty traumatized about the whole affair, actually. Definitely the second-worst date I’ve ever been on.