How *you *doin’?
Maybe they thought you were just being funny, and liked your sense of humor? Because I might have replied to something like that, just to see what the guy posting it was like! 
There’s Greencard Guy. He usually replies only to women in their 20’s, despite the fact that he’s at least 25 years above their stated age range, and can sometimes manage an articulate reply to your ad - which never fails to mention marriage in the immediate future, and the fact that he’s not in the country for very much longer, so you have to meet soon!
Uh, about how MANY years do you think you have left, anyway? Will you be bedridden any time in the near future? Do you have any adult offspring and are you close with them?
I miss the personal ads in the local weekly alternative rag. I can recite from memory: “Single mom seeks man for serious relationship. Me: full-figured, likes country music, long walks, evenings snuggled up with you in front of the TV, family fun, Jesus, nights out at the casino, am caring and sharing…”
Or, from an alarming number of men: “Me. Fit and 40-ish, looking for swinging couple, your place, let me help you satisfy your wife.” Trouble was, all the ‘swingers’ out there were only looking for youngish female ho’s to satisfy ‘wife’s curiosity’, I wonder if the 40-ish helpful gents ever got a gig.
“Single, red-headed female, 23, sensual, intelligent, delicious; seeks short, flightless, aquatic bird on which to lavish kisses and affection.”
This post has been your magnum opus.
I don’t get it. :o
It helps if you know that “magnum opus” was a pun.
It’s from Bloom County. Opus (a penguin) is working the Personals desk at the Bloom Beacon when a woman comes in and places that ad.
There’s another good one that I can’t find at the moment.
There’s The Masculinity Challenge. You know, the ones that start with “Are you man enough to…” and end with things like
[ul]
[li]…date a BBW?[/li][li]…handle me and my 6 kids?[/li][li]…handle a wild and crazy woman like me? (this usually translates into ‘literally crazy’ IME)[/li][li]…date a soon-to-be-paroled felon?[/li][li]…suck off another man?[/li][li]…let another man suck you off?[/li][/ul]
I’m not saying all of these things are necessarily bad. I’ve got nothing against single mothers, gay people, fat people, or even some felons. I’m just not so sure that “I dare you!” is the best technique to get somebody to go out with you.
Back when I was more into online dating, I kept running into profiles where women described themselves as “Rubenesque” so often that I thought I had wandered into an art school website.
Or that they had run into too many jewish delis.
No, that would be Reubenesque. The difference is subtle, yet key.
Nah, if that was the case they would have used “zaftig.” 
You’re Going To Be The Better Half: seen among both genders, but considered to be more common in WSM ads, usually in the form of a woman with a claimed average build, height 5’ 6" or less, attractive but average looks, and moderate income ($25,000-$50,000 range) and education (high school, some college, two-year degree), looking for an athletic man, 6’ or taller, with a four-year degree and six-digit income. There’s nothing implying a search for a sugar daddy; instead they’re just average women knowing that they’ll have some success at dating way up thanks to the ratio of men to women on dating sites.
Since attributes such as bust size, dress size and “hotness” usually aren’t included in the “about my date” choices on most dating sites, it’s more difficult for a man to draft a Better Half ad. Instead, the attributes are included in the prose, which makes a man’s Better Half ad seem quite crass.
Larry The Cable Guy: usually a husky man with a goatee, often pictured with a big truck, hooked bass, freshly shot trophy deer or cord of firewood, who claims to like spectator sports, hunting, fishing, motorcycles, and working on vehicles. Most commonly encountered in exurban and rural areas, Southern states, and Texas.
Those women have way more confidence in either themselves or the desperation of men than I do. I have closed more than one eHarmony match based completely on the fact that they were waaaaay out of my league looks-wise.
Though I do get a chuckle on the men version. I’ll read these ridiculous height/weight requirements (generally in the borderline anorexic range), and age requirements (10+ years younger than themselves) and their picture shows them to be fat, balding, and no great shakes in the looks department. They don’t even dangle their (non existent or not) cash as a lure. Are these people delusional?
Somewhat off-topic: what’s the hierarchy of the adjectives used on dating sites to describe overweight women, from lightest to heaviest? The stock descriptions seem to be increasing in number, especially on match.com, where the single-choice “about me” attributes include three adjectives for the non-overweight (slender, about average, athletic) and six describing various overweight states (heavyset, a few extra pounds, stocky, big and beautiful, curvy and full-figured).
This is what I’ve seen on various Web sites, and what I think they mean, at least for women:
- Curvy: ~25-40 pounds overweight, with proportionally large breasts.
- A few extra pounds: ~25-40 pounds overweight, with smaller breasts.
- Stocky: butch or “fireplug” build. I’ve really only seen this in WSW ads.
- Thick: classic big-boned build, usually used by black women and younger white women seeking black men.
- Full-figured: “curvy plus”, ~40+ pounds overweight, with proportionally large breasts.
- Big and beautiful: classic “fat”.
- Heavyset: high side of obese.
- Other: an oddly proportioned body, for example someone who may be fat on top with a smaller butt and skinny legs (think of Beth from Dog The Bounty Hunter), or someone who is “normal” on top with an abnormally large butt and thighs (the trademark object of Robert Crumb’s lust).
Where do soft", “zaftig”, “rubenesque” and “super-sized” fit in? There’s also plenty of other descriptors that usually describe someone bigger without saying it; “not thin”, “don’t have the body of a twelve year old boy”, and “not a model” to name a few.
In a dictionary. Don’t get all cutesy with it - just pick “big” or whatever, and post enough pictures to let people figure it out for themselves.
I mentally add the word “McFly” after each of these.
“If I ever posted an online dating profile, I have no idea what I’d say about body type. My measurements are 38”-28"-39" and according to my BMI I ought to lose ~10 pounds, which has collected mostly on my hips and thighs as you probably guessed. “Curvy” means fat, and “a few extra pounds” means fat, so would I say?
[/QUOTE]
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You should say exactly what you just wrote. Sounds good to me!