oogy and gross

The BBQ Pit
1

You sir, are oogy and gross.

I didn’t like how you were staring at me on the El this morning, leaning over in your seat, jaw hanging agape, eyes focused clearly BELOW my neck, indeed, below my waist.

You made my normally enjoyable twenty minute commute extremely uncomfortable as I kept having to make sure that my legs were snapped shut, my arms tightly crossed and my purse and journal carefully concealing everything else from your icky icky stare.

But I didn’t say anything, because one, I’m non-confrontational (a pussy if you will), two I give people the benefit of the doubt – maybe you’re some Faulknerian Idiot, maybe you didn’t realize you were staring, which every mother teaches is RUDE, and three, I kept figuring you’d get off at the next stop. And certainly, there is no pun intended there.

You wouldn’t understand what a pun meant, assbone.

So I just let it go.

Until I stood up to get off the mother fucking train and you quickly jammed your hand all the way up my god damn skirt, TOUCHING MY INNER THIGH, you disgusting, prickless cuntdropping.

And if it wasn’t enough that you fucking violated me on the train: when I spun around and yelled for you to ‘get your hands off me’, you all the sudden became very bright and coherent, looking at the fellow passengers and shrugging innocently as if you didn’t know who I was talking to.

Do the fucking world a favor, titburger, stay home and beat off to Jenny Jones and let the fucking human beings of the world get to work.
jarbaby

2

<looking down at shoes abashedly>

Beg pardon. Never happen again.

3

Krunk! Was that you? You should have said something, I would have sat on your lap :smiley:

jarbaby

4

Wow, that’s fucked. You should have maced him.

5

What? No titburger? No cumsponge? :shakes head in disgust:

By the way, jarbabyj, you wanna know something fun? He probably went home and re-lived the experience over and over again. In that way. :smiley:

6

So really, my dreams of being famous are fulfilled.

ick.

7

Did he look like Philip Seymour Hoffman?

If I’m ever in Chicago, riding the El, and see you in the car with me, jarbabyj, I won’t promise not to do exactly the same thing.

8

I’m with amp on this one, jar. If you want some, let me know, ten bucks and it comes with a keychain and a handy clip! I’ll deliver it personally…:slight_smile:

Fuckwits like that need to be publicly castrated. Grrrrrr…

By the way, the yelling should have been simultaneously matched with an open heel of the palm to his nose.let him think about THAT for a while. Again, if you want to know how, let me know…its about time I used all those self defense courses for some good.
I’ll regale you again with the tale of the last guy who tried to mug me :slight_smile: …hmmm wonder how is arm is doing…

9

jarbaby, don’t feel like you’re a coward.

Amazingly enough, that’s the response of most women to being randomly molested. Okay, maybe not, but at least in my experience, shocked silence is the common response.

At school, a man came up and touched my friend’s breast in the middle of the hallway, then walked away. She didn’t even say anything, just came back to where we were hanging out and said “Umm… guys…” She didn’t even think to call security.

The point is, that in doing things like that, those bastards try to make you the victim, and it’s really fucking hard not to be. My interpretation anyway.

And that’s sooo fucking creepy. If I were you, I’d still be shivering. big hugs

10

Although the palm heel to the nose is a good move it may have been difficult to carry out if he was sitting and you were standing. In this situation the knee lift to the face works wonders.

Sorry to hear this happened. This ummm… cockratchet deserved an asskicking of major proportions.

11

Damn, Jess.

That’s a icky way to have to start the day.

You just say the word and I’ll send cousins Vinnie and Guido afta dis guy.

12

And the candidate for the ‘nicest thing anyone’s said to me all day’ award is… :smiley:

All kidding aside - that’s unbelievable that some dingleberry snotlicking comedrop would do that to you. Next time I heartily recommend a good kick to the crotch (for him, not you). It’s amazing, the type of people you run into on the L.

13

Thanks everyone!

I agree that I should have pulled some sort of Lara Croft self defense move, but I was frankly…shocked, and as subway riders know, you get like twenty seconds to get off the train, so all I had was time to yell at him over my shoulder.

It was super gross. I just walked to work shaking my head.

What kind of person says “hmmmm…that leg looks nice…I think I’ll touch it.”

GROSS!

14

Hey, jarbaby not quite as oogy as yours, but I had a similar experience while walking to the train - a guy on a bike smacked me on the ass - hard - and rode off. I just stood there, stunned and speechless. Only later did I think of throwing a show at him, Jerry Springer style. That’s the best I could come up with. I got to work and found a huge red welt on my bottom. I was so fucking upset all day, and when I told people their first reaction was to laugh. What the fuck? What truly sucks donkey balls is you have no recourse at all - what can you do have this person punished for their actions? Exactly nothing. And it’s going to happen to someone else because you can’t do anything.

15

Grr. Of course I meant throwing a shoe at him.

16

Oh! I thought you were actually going to throw the Jerry Springer Show at him.

now THAT’S punishment. :smiley:

BIKERS WHO SPANK…NEXT ON SPRINGER

Yes. A lot of people have laughed at this “did you get his number? ho ho”

I suspect when I tell Mr. Jarbaby the story, he won’t be chuckling too much.

jarbaby

17

What the hell kind of no-manners bastards of co-workers would laugh and make bad jokes when you’ve been assaulted? I mean, granted, he didn’t physically harm you, but still, no fucking body has the right to feel people up in public just because they happen to be on the same train/sidewalk/hallway/whatever. I would be mad as hell if it happened to me, and it has - outside a club in Tampa some leering frat boy type put his hand up my dress as I passed, in the early afternoon. What did I do about it? Nothing. Why? I was busy - trying to get to an appointment. These perverts usually do their thing in a very public area, when people are in a hurry, like getting off a train to go to work. You didn’t have time to stay on the chain, flag down security, and have the guy charged with assault - in fact, you didn’t have time to do more than you did. That really sucks, because these guys know they can get away with this shit. There should be a special level of hell for these opportunistic leeches.

18

Once again, I must bring up that I rode the El from downtown to Wrigley and back and nobody groped me. Nobody whizzed on me, nobody offered to toss a whiz my way, nobody stared at my "manly bulge’, nobody groped, nobody played innocent. Is it me? I bathe.

Seriously, jar, I’m sorry that this happened to you. I know things like this happen so quickly because they are unexpected, thus making retaliation an afterthought.

I’d send a hug, but Mr. Jar is big; I’ve seen him. I don’t want him getting the wrong idea!

19

Yep, I am pretty sure Brian will not be Mr. HappyCamper when he hears this. (pun intended)

I know him…I would want him on my side in a fight, thats for sure! If he wants to do a ride along one morning and play “whup the perv”, I’d be happy to tag along/tagteam or lend non lethal weaponry :wink:

::Imagines MikeG and JarDaddy bouncing perv back and forth on the bridge over the Belmont El:::smiley:

You mess with my friends, you mess with me. Sorry, but I’m still pissed off about this.

20

Wait till ya see Mr. Jarbaby later this summer when he has to shave his head and wear a goatee to play “Charles the Wrestler” in As You Like It.

If only he could stop being so cute and sweet to everyone, I’d have a real bear on my hands.

jarbaby