Zappo:
Scratch that last question. Assuming your profile is true (and I have no reason to assume it’s not), that sig line is the only resemblance you bear to the guy I’m thinking of.
Chaim Mattis Keller
Right on all counts about the commercial. Victoria Jackson was the pretty girl who couldn’t get a date because of her extra fingers. I couldn’t remember the name of the product.
As for the sig line, no, I’m not Satan. Apparently he was some sort of jerk or something and was banned a while back; I don’t know the specifics. The “Yer pal” is the way I used to sign my messages to my friends on the Internet back when I was first learning how to navigate around AOHell. You’re not the first person to notice this, though. Maybe I ought to change it.
Not using “yer pal”,
Zappo
Ah, don’t sweat it. I’ve been getting a lot of that lately. Maybe I’ll open a thread in GQ to solicit new sign-offs.
I don’t remember the name of the bank that only made change but it was hilarious. I only remember seeing them on the SNL commercial video they produced. They were spots of an indiviual with a black background in an interview type spots woven through the video.
“I was about to go through a toll booth and I realized I didn’t have the correct change with me. Thankfully, Bank X was there. I pulled off and they helped me out.”
“When can make change out of anything. You have a twenty, and we can make it 2 tens; or a ten, 2 fives, 4 dollars, and 4 quarters; or a 3 fives, 2 ones, 7 quarters, 3 dimes, 10 nickels, and 45 pennies. We can even do foriegn currency.”
“You might ask how we are able to stay in business. The answer is quite simple. Volume, sheer volume.”
I saw this when I was little (about 6) and had nightmares for a month!
Wolverine I read the whole post waiting for that one. I don’t remember the name of the bank either but that ad cracks me up.
I remember one of the newer ones I saw just a couple days ago, it was called “KCF Shredders”
“Cool, refreshing iceberg lettuce and tangy mayonaise!”
“But I’m a big man, and I need a big shredder!”
“It’s okay, you can get the new super giant shredder, you get a full pound of iceberg lettuce and 3 cups of mayonaise!”
“The oil spots on the outside of the bag tell you the mayonaise is gooooood!”
Cut to several shots of people eating mayo-soaked shredded lettuce. Blech.
I’ll second the colon blow, Mistress car and circumcision machine.
And of course, Happy Fun Ball.
God I love SNL.
“And we won’t give you change you don’t want. If you come to us with a hundred dollar bill, we’re not going to give you two thousand nickels. Unless that meets your specific change needs.”
Chaim, the name of the cologne for dogs was “Canis”. hehe
Just thought of another one, fairly recent, for “Millford Springs” water. They tell the lovely old legend of how the towns of Millford Springs and Dunbee were on opposite sides of this spring, and how Dunbee wanted to share the water. And how the people of Millford Springs snuck across the river at night, slaughtered most of the people of Dunbee, and enslaved the rest. Ends with the line: “Hard to believe that was over 73…days ago. You might have seen it on the news.”
I love so many of these. a recent one was Will Ferrell as a lawyer who wanted to sue dogs for humping your leg, among other things. I am not sure the concept was funny as much as Will Ferrell was brilliant in it.
Three words:
Bad Idea Jeans.
Oh, and see my sig for my all time fave.
For a limited time, children can get the kid’s meal featuring a mini Shredder, cole slaw, small cup of milk, and How Stella Got Her Groove Back action figures! “Boy, I’m old enough to be your mother!”
They had a spot in Superfans Jeopardy! (Superfans were the Chicago guys who loved Ditka, da Bears and da Bulls) for a product called “Pork Soda.”
The ad catchphrase was “Pork Soda. It’s like drinking a pig.”
Kills me every time.
I love, love, love the Colon Blow ad. So funny.
Happy Fun-Ball. Too funny.
Didn’t they have one where there was a laser gun you used for cleaning up the yard or something like that. It ended with a big disclaimer about not pointing it at police officers or something.
I think Chris Whats-is-name did the sketch and ended up evaporating his truck or something.
“Bad Idea Jeans” has to be the best.
A group of middle aged men sitting around saying things like:
“So, I would have used a condom, but I figured ‘When am I ever gonna be in Haiti again?’”
Announcer: “Bad idea.”
“Even though we broke it off, I’ve been thinking about telling my wife about that affair I had 6 months ago.”
Announcer: “Bad idea”
Closing shot: 5 huge, gangbanger looking guys on the nearby basketball court,
“Hey, you guys wanna play this game for some money?”
Announcer: “Bad idea”
The “Oops, I Crapped My Pants” commercial had me howling.
I also really liked the “Compulsion” commercial.
And who can forget the classic “Bass-o-Matic?”
One I haven’t seen mentioned yet is “Bad Idea Jeans.” It was a spoofe of those Dockers commercials, IIRC. “Well, normally I wear protection, but then I thought, hey, when am I going to get back to Haiti?”
I forgot one of the best ones from more recent years. “Gangsta Bitch Barbie.” She comes with a restraining order against Tupac Ken. Best part of the whole thing was Ken dressed up as Tupac. THUG tattoo across his stomach, puffed-out boxers, jeans hanging low, etc. And where Barbie slaps him with a male voiceover…“Ken, get out my face wich yo’ stank bref.”
“It’s made entirely of plastic. Watch it go undetected through this airport metal-detector”
And at the bottom is kept flashing things like when he said, “It is even perfect for moving targets from up to 3 blocks away” and at the bottom it said something like “Caution: Do not aim this at the President”
At the very end it said, “On the other hand, do not buy this product.”
Laughed my ass off.
One of my favorites is the one where you see a guy (Will Farrel??) in a nursery go and pick up a baby from it’s crib. He then proceeds to rub the baby’s rear and say things about how bad diaper rash is for kids and how you only want the best for them, which makes you believe that it is an ad for baby wipes. But then, all of a sudden, the baby’s mom walks into the room, sees the man holding her baby and screams “Who the HELL are you???!!” The man, terrified, runs and jumps through the window. You then see a screen that says “Javis Home Security: Protect Your Family and Keep Those You Don’t Want in Out.”
One of the funniest things I had ever seen.
I remember ALL of them!
Since no one else has mentioned Rovco Chinch Ranch, I may as well.
Mohawk Master?
With a name like Dead puppies Its gotta be good! (smuckers take off)
Oh man, I’d forgotten all about Obsession for Dogs! That one had me cringing eeeewwwwwwwww for months!