Open letter to my creepy neighbor

I didn’t like it when you invited all your pals over for a gospel sing-a-long. I could hear it in my house. At two in the morning.

But that’s okay. I put on my own music to drown it out.

What pisses me off is that you thought it would be fucking fantastic to take the hand-painted sign off my door and pound it in half with a hammer. And then peel off the stickers I spent my hard-earned cash on and rip them to little bitty pieces. And to rub salt in the wound, you left me a note that basically said I’m going to burn in hell–in black marker on my door. I’m filing vandalism charges on your sorry ass.

You’re a rotten, smug, self-righteous bastard, and I hope when They come back, you get eaten last.

I may regret asking, but what did the sign say?

What did the sign say, and the stickers? File charges, take pictures, and document this. I get the feeling you’re likely going to get more “special attention” from this guy. :rolleyes:

Oh, you’re definitely in the shit now.

You have defied the Chosen Prophet of Og, The Almighty, All-Knowing, All-Singing And Dancing Lord of Creation.

You will burn. Yes, you will. In a vat of hydrofluoric acid.

Repent, sinner! Give your life over to The Lord, and you shall be saved!

We can’t do much for your parents, though. They’re still going to rot in the underworld. Sorry 'bout that.


Hyper-proselytistic jerkoffs bug the heck out of me, too. Your religion, your business. Don’t make it mine, please.

Chiming in: What did the sign and stickers say?

Good luck with the vandalism charges, I hope he gets his sorry arse fined. :slight_smile:

Sign: Branch Office of the Esoteric Order of Dagon

Stickers: Know Nyarlathotep, Know Chaos. Chaos Inside. Marry a Marsh.

Ah. Lovecraft. He probably thinks you’re Satan incarnate,

Good luck with the charges. Assholes like that are one of the reasons I’m an atheist and live in one of the more secular areas of the country.

Very obscure. And cool. :slight_smile: Stupid, stupid neighbour.

Call the cops. Charge the neighbor with trespassing and vandalism. When they have another late night sing along, file for disturbance of the peace. Feed them to The Old Ones.

Cthulhu be with you always.

As a committed Christian, your neighbour clearly desires to be more like Christ in every way.

You will be pleased to know you can help him achieve his aim. Call the cops, and have him crucified.

I like this solution best. :smiley:

Track down the Howard Hallis “Who Will Be Eaten First?” tract and slide it under his door!

(No linky cos it’s been yanked from the site, but like all things Lovecraftian, a bit of digging will probably unearth it from the bowels of the internet.)

Jesus, I just spit chicken noodle soup all over my computer.

Make a new sign to hang up - “All Hail Larry Flynt, King of the World!”.

I hear that confuses the fundies.


Steve, I love you, man.

An oldie but a goodie: “Jesus saves, Allah forgives, Cthulhu thinks you’d make a good sandwich.” :smiley:

Bah. The Marsh’s are over rated. The Gilmans, the Ornes and the Waites are good solid families with a proud heritage.

Back to the matter at hand,

Call the police.

Then, go back to preaching the Dark Gospel.

A preacher like your neighbor

I respond by sharing the unholy truth

I happen to have saved off the jpegs to that tract. Have them right here, in fact.

Not sure how I could get them to whomever would need them.

I find it rather amusing to think that there’s people who believe that vandalism is going to bring someone closer to Christ.

Mmm, yeah, that’s just what Jesus would do. :dubious:

Upload them to a free hosting site, like then post the link in this here thread. :slight_smile:

Know chaos, no peace. :frowning:
You might consider adding new stickers and a discreetly positioned videocamera. With the evidence, you could either get a nice little small claims court judgment, or enjoy the satisfaction of knowing your neigbors are preaching the gospel down at the county lockup.