“She’s not strong enough to leave him” – what the hell does that mean?
She is an adult. She makes her own choices, and she knows (just as every adult does) that every time she chooses “A” over “B,” she’s giving up the chance to have “B.” “A” in this case is the guy she’s with (cue “Can’t Help Lovin’ That Man O’Mine”), and “B” is marriage and kids and what most of us consider a “normal” relationship. She can’t have them both, and she knows it, and every day that she chooses “A,” the chances of having “B” (or, at least, the “kids” part) become a little more remote.
Those are the facts, Jack.
I think “she’s not strong enough to leave him” is absolute bullshit. She made a choice and she is living with the consequences of her choice, just as all of us must with every choice we make. It would be one thing if she was comfortable being the mistress and nothing more – and, as I said above, that’s exactly what she is – but she apparently is not. I realize as an intellectual matter that there are people perfectly willing to participate as part of a three-person “marriage,” where every partner is equal. I realize as an intellectual matter that there are people perfectly willing to participate as the “other woman/other man” in an “open marriage,” even though doing so means they will always be treated exactly as they are frankly considered – as a less important that the “primary,” the person the lover is married to. (I say “intellectually realize” because neither of these scenarios make must sense to me emotionally; I wouldn’t put up with either for a New York minute.) But this girl does NOT fit either of those categories: She’s not part of a three-way relationship among equals, and she’s not happy playing second fiddle to the wife.
But still she stays. Because she’s too frightened to contemplate starting over on her own, probably. I can understand that, but I can also tell her it’s never going to get any easier to walk away than it is right now. But if she continues to choose to stay, then it seems to me reasonable to acknowledge that’s exactly what she’s doing – choosing to stay.
She should have walked away when she found out what a lying sack of shit this guy was. How did she reconcile that with him being someone she could “fall in love with,” anyway? Didn’t the discovery of his total dishonesty and disrespect change her mind on whether he was worth loving? But she “couldn’t help loving him,” right? And she’s “not strong enough to leave.” Bullshit, I say; bullshit.
She’s making her choices and she’s suffering with them, and I guess I feel sorry for her to that extent, but she is lying in the bed she made herself – and apparently refuses to climb out of.
Put me firmly in the column of those not seeing the romance here – or much reason to pity her.
