Great stuff, Rascal’s Mom. He sounds like a great guy. Have a great New Year’s Eve together.
I dated a man in a wheelchair for about 6 months just after I graduated from college. I was 22, and he was about 30. Actually he would be about 53 right now, and was also injured in the early 80s. I hope your guys name isn’t Rick.
For our first date, he took me to a Packer game. We got to sit right on the field. It was so much fun. They don’t let the wheelchairs down there anymore. We shook hands with all the players and coaches. That is the only Packer game I have ever attended.
Or second date was Christmas shopping at a mall. I just pushed him around in his chair, and we stopped now and then to people watch, or grab a snack. I think I met his mom that day too. She was a manager at the JCP store.
It was all very nice. I got to know him slowly, and know more about his limitations etc. There were a few times when a situation would come up that either he or I were uncomfortable with, but nothing major.
It was really not all that much different than dating a 100% able bodied person, as you might expect. In fact in the end he broke up with me, because I was so jealous of an old friend of his, who he spent a lot of time with, and talked about just a bit too much for my liking. 
We became friends again a few years later, but didn’t try dating again. My husband looks a LOT like him, so it was hard not to call him by the wrong name for a few months.
Any other questions you have of a more personal nature? 
Just message me, I would be happy to answer anything.
Ah, congratulations RM! I love seeing stories that end happily like this. May you have a lot of great memories together.
How great that things are working out for you! I just came in to share this from Failblog as an example of how not to be sensitive to a wheelchair-dependent person’s feelings. 
Thanks, everyone. He is very upfront and honest about everything. We had a situation last Sunday while shopping where we got parked in when we couldn’t find a handicapped spot. We were both laughing because I had to maneuver myself into the driver’s seat to back the van out so that he could use the ramp. If I have any questions, I ask, and he answers them with no discomfort, and it’s all good.
And he is just as Missentent said - one of the nicest and most giving guys I have ever known as well. I am glad I took the gamble to meet him.
I missed this thread the first go-round, but I’m quite glad that things seem to be working out. You received some good advice in this thread, but I think you started out fine because you went into the first date with an open mind.
Personal story time: My boyfriend and I also met on a dating website; he’s able-bodied & I have Spina Bifida & am an incomplete paraplegic.
I think I was much more nervous at first than he was - I mean about the disability issue specifically. I was concerned that he’d have second thoughts, that he wouldn’t be able to handle situations particular to being in a relationship with someone with a spinal cord injury, that he’d freak out.
Well, he didn’t. We both had to learn some things - I had to learn to trust that he wasn’t going to bolt when something came up, while he had to learn to ignore the stares we get in public. As it’s turned out, we’re planning on moving in together this summer. We know that moving in will probably bring its own set of difficulties, but it just takes some compromise & willingness, just like you seem to’ve shown.
If, for some reason, you’d like to chat, shoot me a PM. I also wonder, now that I’m thinking about it, if people react differently to a hetero “mixed ability couple” depending on which partner has the disability. Perhaps I could pick your brain.
Well so far we haven’t gotten out much because of the crappy weather so far this winter. We did go shopping last Sunday, but I didn’t notice any attitudes. It will be interesting to see in the future. But he is so cool with the whole thing, I think it would be the loser who would think less of him.
Cosmopolitan, I appreciate your observation about the open mind. If you go back to the first few posts here, there are a couple of comments about “it’s just a date.” My feeling was, no, it wasn’t “just a date.” I didn’t want to waste his time if the chair and all it entails was going to make a difference. And as it turns out, the chair makes almost zero difference. We make accomodations equally. It’s difficult for him to get around in this weather. He can do it. It’s just a PITA. And it’s an accomodation I am happy to make, to essentially make his house the default place of origination. His accomodation(s) are that I have two kids that are rarely home, and I have a dog that I need to take care of, so I need to be home for him. Marc is happy to make that accomodation. Two able-bodied people in a healthy relationship do the same.**
Cosmopolitan**, I will PM you tomorrow. Feel free to beat me to the punch.
Are things still going well?
Things went very well, but we are no longer dating. I still care very much for him, but I don’t think ultimately either one of us wanted to be tied down. We mutually broke it off about six weeks ago, on very good terms. We still talk almost weekly.
He is working right now to try and stay out of the hospital. He has trouble spots that want to flare up because of being in the chair. He has spent the last five Springs in the hospital for that very reason, eight weeks a pop. I do believe he felt that was a bit of a burden, on himself and on me.
I still care for him and always will. He is still the sweetest man I have ever known. I am very happy to have met him. I think this could be a lesson to all to not let outer appearances matter.
Aesiron, thanks for asking.
Thanks for the update, RM. It’s nice to see when adults end relationships and still have friendships and affection.
One of my best friends right now is an ex-bf. He was the first guy I dated for any length of time after my divorce. The only reason I ended it was because of personal issues unrelated to our relationship. We now talk weekly without fail, and he is the one person in my life I know I can say anything to, bring any problems to, and he will always be there. We haven’t ruled out a future, but due to distance and school (him), it isn’t feasible right now. He encourages me to not sit at home waiting for him, which is good. In a year or two when he gets his degree, we’ll see what lays ahead.
I’m glad you made a friend, at least. I’ve only managed to keep one true friend out of any of my relationships and dalliances, though there are a few acquaintances scattered amongst them as well. It’s always best when you can hold onto that little part that hooked you in the first place and are still able to make something out of it.
After some more thought, I did want to express appreciation to all who said that if I decided that his physical situation became a deal breaker, it doesn’t make me a bad person. I had been having thoughts right before we ended it that I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to make ALL of the accommodations I would have to make. The prospect of him being in the hospital due to conditions beyond his control - not a happy thought. Also, I am an extremely sociable person and love to be out and about doing things. I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to suppress that part of my personality. It ran the gamut. And I SURE didn’t want to hurt him by telling him of my doubts.
But he opened up the conversation first, and ultimately we are both cool with it. So, again, thanks to everyone who reassured me that I wasn’t being a bad person should I decide I had deal-breaking doubts.