Opinions on etiquette of cash gift

In My Humble Opinion
1

No, not whether “cash as gift” is good / bad in and of itself. This is a little trickier.

My fiancee and I were discussing registry options for the wedding, and her father came up. Apparently, he and his wife (fiancee’s parents are divorced) had bought a new car and sold their old one, and due to good deals on both ends, ended up with $1000 profit. The apparent intention is for them to give us that money as a wedding gift.

The catch is that my fiancee and her mother aren’t sure if he can really afford to give that. I think his current finances are OK, but they’re more worried about him losing that cushion in case something bad crops up.

Their idea was to take the money but keep it in a separate account earmarked for helping him out should he need it.

My initial reaction is to either respond:

  1. It’s his responsibility to determine if he can afford the gift, and if he thinks it’s OK to give it, then it’s ours to do with as we please.
  2. If we think he’s being overly generous given his finances, then we should refuse the gift (either in whole or in part).

Option #1 definitely doesn’t mean that I think we should leave him hanging in the wind if he does run into issues. I consider myself fairly generous in providing money to friends or family if they need help and it wouldn’t put my own finances in trouble. I’ve built up a decent “cushion” fund for myself (at this point about four to five months’ expenses, and I’m continuing to add to it until I hit six), and I see no reason not to dip into that to help people out.

But putting the money aside by itself, saying “this is his money, we’re just holding on to it” just doesn’t sit right with me. First off, it means that we’re not really using his gift. Although I’m not really planning on just blowing it on something frivolous. Second off, it’s my opinion that you can do better with money if you put more of it together in one place (taking into account liquidity and diversification), since you get better returns in accounts with a higher minimum balance.

So, teeming millions: is the suggestion of my fiancee and her mother as pointless as I think it is? Should a cash gift be refused if you worry (but don’t know) that it’s too much for the giver to really afford? Any hot stock tips to dump a grand into? :wink:

2

I like their idea…it speaks of how thoughtful your fiancee and future MIL are, for one thing. You could, as an option, set it in a high-interest account for a predetermined period of time; say, one year.

That said,

It is his responsibility to determine if it is within his budget.

He is also her father. It is perfectly within his paternal rights to spoil his daughter, especially for her wedding.

Since you stated that you have a decent cushion fund yourself, you could reassure your soon-to-be family (congrats, BTW!) that should your FFIL have financial troubles down the road, you can help him out. I can’t speak for him, but when I have a windfall of $1000, it gets spent for things my family needs at that time. If I need a cushion three months down the road, that G-note isn’t there (and other arrangements get made).

3

My husband rips up checks from his mother. I have to tell her to donate to the WWF in his name. It’s really the only thing he wants from her. Cash is out of the question.

Tough question. It depends on the person who’s giving the gift I suppose. I see nothing wrong with setting it aside for FIL’s rainy day. Probably the best way to handle it.

Or you could always re-gift it.