Dopers who have grown children, would it bother you to receive money as a gift from your kids, if money was really what you needed?
My dad just retired w/ a retirement income from 401(k) and similar sources. I am not privy to it’s amount, but I know it’s less than his working income. He had already started working part time as a winery tour guide and was about to start part time as needed shifts at his old workplace as well.
Mom is self-employed as a psychotherapist and therefore has no benefits like sick leave, vacation time, etc.
Mom’s parents have suddenly gone from both independent and reasonably healthy to both hospitalized and likely dying in the space of two weeks.
In order to support them and manage their care and affairs, both of my parents have basically moved into my grandparent’s house several states away, and are forgoing all but Dad’s retirement income for an indeterminate amount of time, probably at least two months, but possibly much longer.
In these circumstances, would a Christmas gift of money (as much as we could afford, more than we would spend on Christmas gifts, but not a whole heck of a lot) be acceptable?
I think that this would be different with each family. If your family has always been upfront about money, budgeting, and such, probably a monetary gift would be welcome. Otherwise…well, there’s gift cards. Make sure that the card you choose doesn’t have any sort of fees, especially maintenance fees.
I have a grown daughter, but right now I’m going to be giving HER cash as part of her solstice gift, not the other way around. When she becomes Rich and Famous, I’ll be more than happy to accept cash from her.
Not at all, if money was what I needed. I’ve given them plenty of money, even after they were grown, when they needed it. It wouldn’t bother me to get a gift of money if I needed it.
Oh, what a good question! Thanks for asking - I was just thinking about it, what with the holidays coming up. I guess I’ll go with gift cards, though, because in Indian culture it’s really quite odd to send money to adults.
Both as the child and as the parent and as the parent of an adult, I am fine with cash - gift cards in all directions… Also between siblings on a name draw thing if you do that.
If cash is bothering you, most utility companies allow you to pay on someone else’s account, you could buy heating fuel or electric or something. While not especially festive, it would help them out with a limited budget and is recommended by Dear Miss Abby Landers…or whoever she is.
If it were me, I’d let someone else pay part of my mortgage or car payment in lieu of a gift.
Exactly; pay off all or part of one of their bills. Alternatively, give them a gift card to a place where they would buy essentials (grocery store, pharmacy) since that’s as good as cash if it’s where they would shop anyway.
My grandparents would never accept a cash gift. Never. They might literally die first. What my mom and her siblings do is pay their bills and everybody just quietly never mentions it. I don’t think they’d even take a gift card, they’re so proud. So of course your mileage may vary - depends on the parents involved.
The biggest problem with cash as a gift: I give you cash for Christmas and you give me cash for Christmas. Essentially we’ve just sent the same $XX.00 back and forth in the mail. Well, perhaps not the identical amount and probably not literally in the mail but you know what I mean.
Having said that, I think it’s OK and appropriate sometimes, as long as it isn’t a solution used too often or with too many people, for the above reason.
Another vote for gift cards. Preferably to places that would help them out with necessities the most, like local supermarkets or gas stations. Or, if that was too similar to just giving them money, you could make give gift cards from a department store that has both luxuries and necessities (like Target or Wal Mart) and leave it to them to spend the money on what they need, while allowing them to save face.
Or, if gift cards are deemed too similar to money, perhaps you could arrange for some thoughtful gift like having some prepared meals delivered to them. I also like a previous poster’s idea of paying their utility bill, if that can be arranged.
When we were about to move to a new house, Grandma offered some money to my mother (her daughter) saying “here, for a new fridge”. Mom looked at the money like it was a viper, stuck her hands in her pockets and said “I’m not taking money with strings; if you want to give me a fridge give me a fridge and if you want to give me money give me money, not instructions.” Grandma huffed and puffed but gave her the money - no strings.
My parental grandma used to save money until she had 5M pesetas (about 100K $), then she’d split it among her 5 children. My maternal grandparents have had times when they had more money than us, and they’ve given us money; there have been other times when they were short and we’ve given them money. When my parents were having problems paying for college for 3 kids, they asked my father’s brothers for a loan and got it; my aunt and uncles absolutely refused to take any kind of interest or set any kind of payment times. I’ve borrowed money from one of my bros to pay for a car full-cash (he says he gets repaid just by thinking of that 7% interest the bank did not get); I’ve loaned money to that same brother later on for the down-payment on his house.
Gift cards are not very popular in Spain; most people see them as “I couldn’t find anything special but I’m forcing you to spend my gift where I want”.
I think money is a perfectly fine gift, but the specifics on how to give them depend on the person. Some would have been perfectly happy to take “money for a fridge”
As to the first part of your post, NO, it would not bother me in the least. This is assuming that i did not blow away our retirement on drugs, ganbling, or a divorce w/subsequent wild women.
As for the second part of your post, for a Christmas gift, I would have to say that YES it would bother me. I would be expecting something that the kid spent some time thinking over, and was something that she thought I would really like.
Mrs. Butler & I combined some money for a large giftcard for a major gasoline retailer as a gift to her parents. They drive to FL for the winter, and as money is tight, we figured that this was a nice gift that would ease some of their expenses in traveling to their winter home.
The FIL certainly doesn’t need any more “stuff.” He’s in the process of giving away all his extra “stuff” anyway!
