Opins on leaving 15-16 yr-old home during travel

In My Humble Opinion
21

She’s still - um - too often unnecessarily mean, snarky, or unpleasant. It just really grates on you when the first thing out of her mouth in the a.m. is some remark to her sibs in a nasty tone.

Seems to have some friends at school, but other kids rarely call her and she rarely has kids over. Still likes to watch loads of TV and vid games. Tho she seems to be reading more. It may turn out that she simply prefers being by herself.

What is wierd, tho, is that the way she acts seems out of sync with the way she claims to want to be.

She has really taken to the bassoon. She picked it up this past June at the request of her band director. In his words a week or 2 ago, she is “on fire” and playing at a high school level.

She really gets a kick out of how big the bassoon is. She has been sight transposing her old clarinet music out of treble into bass clef, and into the proper key.

And she scored off the charts on recent testing in school. Her grades were fine. It always has been a bit of a struggle to try to find something that really piques her interest.

We bought the kids al a bunch of new music, including carols with piano accompaniments. Over the weekend I asked her to work on some with me. She could sight read them all, and just about all the variations. We did that for maybe 45 minutes. Yesterday she bugged me to play them with her again - and told me I really need to work on my parts!

Yesterday when I got home the 3 kids were working on a trumpet, flute, bassoon arrangement of Simple Gifts - Variation on a Shaker Tune that they want to perform on Thanksgiving. Well, at least for a while until my son got all snarky about something.

Thanks for asking.

It is hard to really explain family dynamics like this in a brief web post. Of course, there is some level of this type of bickering and shit in any family. As I see it, the tough thing is to tell when it gets too much, then to try to figure out what is causing that, then to try to figure out how to address it.

In case you’re wondering, so far I’ve found that drinking to excess is not necessarily the best response! At least not in the long run. :wink:

22

Is there anything really wrong with a teen having a party? I mean absent explicit restrictions from parents?

My older sister, when she was 16, stayed home while the rest of the family went on a weekend trip. She had a big-ass party while we were gone and had the house cleaned and back to normal by the time we get back. Fast forward a decade or so and our parents finally admitted they knew she was going to have the party and didn’t have any problem with the idea.

I have a kid, 15 months old, and my husband and I have agreed that at one point or another when she’s 16 or 17ish we’ll go away just so she can have a party. We figure it is a time honored rite of passage and remember our parents-away-kids-will-play parties fondly ourselves.

YMMV but I just don’t see the problem with a party.

Twiddle

23

I’d say there are all kinds of potential problems.

Don’t think you have to get much past the numerous legal and liability issues to conclude it is a bad idea.

But YMMV.

24

Also, to whatever extent possible I wish to dissuade my at-home teens from going to unsupervised parties.

So I would not appreciate other parents intentionally creating just such a situation.

25

I didn’t let my kid have friends over unsupervised until he was 16. And I’m just talkin’ after-school stuff. All you need is a simple round of rough-housing that gets out of hand and someone can get seriously injured. I think with Dinsdale’s kid, maybe have the cousin over or something, but I wouldn’t let it go past that. You’re just asking for trouble.

26

I’ll just add one more vote in the “sounds like it shouldn’t be a problem” category.
She’ll have all your contact info and the neighbor will be keeping an eye out. What could go wrong that couldn’t go wrong with you there?

27

There’s no way in hell that I would leave my 16-year-old home alone for a weekend; hell, we won’t even leave her alone to go to a neighboring large town for a day of shopping. But, my parents were leaving me home for several days at a time when I was 16, and it was fine. Whether 16 is too young definitely depends on the kid, and it sounds like yours is level-headed and responsible, whereas mine is impulsive and flighty (and bipolar to boot). Hell, at this rate, my oldest might not be ready to be left alone overnight til she’s about 30!:slight_smile:

28

Tell her you changed your plans and are going to be gone for five days. Then come home as scheduled. You’ll either be greeted with mild surprise or wild panic.

29

coming from a teen who never gave her parents any reason to not trust her, i would say let her stay home by herself. she is old enough and responsible enough, from the sounds of it. at 18, my parents still won’t go away on a weekend trip and leave my brother and i at home to fend for ourselves - i have never give my parents any reason to lose their faith in me and, being the first born, i have always been very responsible.

if you leave your daughter for the weekend, it will show her that you trust her and - if she’s as mature as she sounds - she’ll value and appriciate that from you.

if you’re worried, just have a neighbor keep an eye out for unfamiliar cars in the driveway and maybe phone call every now and then. but i think your daughter has it under control =)

30

My parents didn’t leave me alone until about a month ago…I have a heavy class schedule, and had no intention of missing any class. I was 19, and they were very nervous about leaving me home. The worse thing that happened was I figured out I like being home alone. I wasn’t scared (I have a automatic handgun that I know how to use very well), and I really enjoyed the quite time…

I say she’ll be perfectly alright

31

My parents left me alone for all of spring break, and nothing happened. I did have a friend that spent the night for all 5 nights, but that was about it…

32

Twiddle, I’ll try not to sound like a sanctimonious ass, but I hope that sometime in the next 15 years, you will reconsider your position. Barring the ethical and moral responsibilities of you as a parent, you must know this “rite of passage” can kill. As an insurance adjuster, I’ve had to investigate more than one fatality where parents believed “I just don’t see the problem with a party”

End of sermon.