Opins on leaving 15-16 yr-old home during travel

In My Humble Opinion
1

We were thinking about leaving our oldest daughter home by herself while the rest of the family goes on a 3 day ski trip.

Looking for something to do over the holidays, we decided on a 2-night 3-day ski trip a 3-hour drive from home. We have 3 kids. My oldest will be 16 on Jan 3. The 2 younger LOVE downhill skiing. The eldest does not care for it at all. In fact, when we told her of our plans, she said she’d bring several books and read all day.

Yesterday she was looking at a couple of piano pieces that she would use to accompany her brother and sister on their solo trumpet and bassoon performances. They were pretty difficult, and I asked if she would be able to get them done in time. She said she’d be able to work several hours a day on them over x-mas break.

However it came up, we thought of the possibility of leaving her home while we went skiing. She said she would love the opportunity to practice her piano and flute all day and into the night, without worrying about bothering anyone.

So we are giving this some serious thought. She doesn’t like to ski – she has tried it in the past. She would REALLY enjoy being at home by herself. And we would be able to save a few hundred $ on her lodging, meals, etc.

She is an extremely responsible and conscientious girl. Far more so than I at her age.

So what do you think? And if you left her home, what rules would you impose, and what would you do to prepare and check in?

2

hehe… lucky girl. Either she is very responsible and that is good… or she will have a lot of fun while your away… very good for her.

The way you described it… I wouldn’t worry to much. She seems a serious girl. Just impose some good sense rules and make sure you enforce “punishment” when you get back.

I don't want to be mean... but if she does have the boyfriend around or some friends... make sure nothing too valuable is around to be broken or stolen.
3

We left our daughter home alone for a few overnights when she was that age, and longer when she was a bit older. We always made sure a neighbor knew that she’d be alone, and we sometimes let her have a friend or two stay over for company. We made sure she had the food she needed, and we or she would call periodically.

As far as we know, she wasn’t abducted by aliens and replaced with a duplicate daughter, so I think we did OK.

I don’t see a problem with a responsible teen being left home alone at that age. Worked for us.

4

I left my son home alone for 5 days when he was 16, and twice I’ve left him alone now that he’s 17 for a week each time. Each time I’ve had a friend (with a note authorizing him to act as my son’s guardian in the event of an emergency while I’m away) check in on him periodically, and I’ve made it a point to call each day to check in. Restrictions I’ve put on him when I’m away have been as follows:

  1. No more than two friends in the house at one time.
  2. He must be home at midnight on weekends and 9:00 on weekdays.
  3. No parties (though that does go with #1).
  4. Prior to leaving the house, he was told to leave an e-mail or voicemail telling me where he is.
5

We left our son home at that age as well. Same deal. Not interested in what we were doing and was a very responsible kid. All turned out well for us.

I would recommend that you tell the neighbors that she’ll be home alone. Our son got lonely the first time and called the neighbor just to talk.

It’ll be harder on you than her! :wink:

6

I would definitely let the neighbors know - after the stories this past spring about teens partying in homes while the owners are away, it’s probably a good idea. Even if she’s not the irresponsible type, there’s always the chance of her inviting a couple friends over just to hang out one night, word gets out, and it snowballs - or the chance of something else bad happening that doesn’t involve teenage hijinks, of course.

7

I think that if you really feel that you can trust her and if she thinks she’ll be OK, she’s probably old enough to stay home by herself.

I know of at least one of my daughter’s friends that was allowed to stay home alone for a weekend when she was only 14. She certainly thought she was ready, but, unfortunately, she was a bit too ready. She had a huge party at the house while her parents were gone. This is one of the reasons I won’t let my almost-15-year-old stay home alone. Even though she’s pretty level-headed, I don’t think she’s old enough to make good decisions when faced with a temptation like that.

That being said, your daughter, at a year older, may be perfectly trustworthy and able to take care of herself. I’d be making a lot of phone calls home, though, and also asking the neighbors to keep an eye out. I’d also let my daughter know that the neighbors would be watching (only for her own safety, of course ;))

8

She’s got a boyfriend, but they limit themselves to handholding and a little kissing. (Yes, she talks to us about EVERYTHING. Almost to the point that we want to tell her to shut up!;))

If she has a fault, it is that she is a little on the overly cautious side. The whole family agrees that if she were an animal, she’d be a turtle. (Teeming millions sigh with relief that they don’t have to participate in dinner conversations at casa Dinsdale!)

As far as I can tell, she would agree to whatever rules we imposed, including no friends, or no boys over. I wonder how her friends’ parents would feel about their kids coming over with no parents home anyway?

She has gone on daylong, overnight and weeklong trips with the band and forensics. Her boyfriend is in the band, and is a year younger than her. So if they wanted to do anything, they have had ample opportunity already.

Like I said, we talk about anything and everything, and I am very comfortable that she does not drink or do drugs, and would not use this as an opportunity to do so.

The day before we leave, my sisters will be over. We might even ask if she could go home with them to sleep over one night (they only live 10 minutes away and my daughter is really close with one cousin her own age). Then if they drove her back the next day, she would only be home alone for one night and 2 days.

As a parent, you get the irrational fears that she will break her leg or somesuch on those 3 days…

We have always tried to increase the autonomy and responsibility we give our kids as they become increasingly capable. And I feel they really grow as a result, and take pride in their increased ability and responsibility. The big difference here is that we generally make sure we are in the relatively near vicinity while the younguns stretch their wings…

9

Ha! I was a very responsible and mature teenage girl too. I was mature and responsible enough to make sure I cleaned up after the huge party I had when I was left home alone! I would have gotten away with it too, except a few days later mum’s boss mentions to her that his nephew had been to her daughter’s party. Mum’s reaction: “Oh really, I didn’t know they knew each other? Hang on…WHAT PARTY???”!

10

My guess is that about 75% of teen house parties get found out, usually by some stupid blunder on the teen’s part. I think I have my daughter nervous enough that she wouldn’t attempt it, but that probably wouldn’t stop her from having the boyfriend over. And I certainly don’t trust him!

Dinsdale, it sounds like your daughter is not likely to do something so boneheaded, so I think you should let her give it a try. And let us know how it goes!

11

Shit. It really helps that this thread is right next to “Have you ever done anything this stupid?” :smiley:

My daughter’s idea of a party is to have maybe 5 friends over to hang out in the basement, play video games and watch videos.

Hey WVMom. I just finished reading a book about WV called Storming Heaven, by Denise Giardina. About the 1920s coal miners’ strike. Awesome book. Just started the follow-up - The Unquiet Earth.

12

This is odd. I came to college when I was 17 and was about 3000 miles from family. I don’t think I encountered any issues. So I would think that leaving a 16 year old at home for a few days would not be an issue to worry about. I certainly have been in such a situation once when I was 16.
I guess I have very little constructive to add to the actual question. I just wanted to note my surprise I guess :slight_smile:

13

When I was 17 and a junior in high school (grade 11), my parents went on their first real vacation to the Bahamas for a week. They left me home with my younger siblings (who were also teenagers and old enough to stay home when I wasn’t.) We didn’t do anything we weren’t supposed to, and did the stuff we were supposed to do. The only exception may have been that we didn’t clean the kitchen as often as we should’ve. No parties. No overnight boyfriends.

I’d let her stay alone. You might also give her permission to invite one or two female friends over for the night in case she gets lonely.

14

My parents used to leave me alone for a few days at a time when I was in high school (it was a period of time in their business when they had to travel a lot, and my older brother had gone away to college). I was a very responsible and serious teen, they would leave me $30 and their itinerary and I would be good to go. No, I never had any parties nor skipped school except where I was legitimately sick. I knew how to cook and how not to burn the house down. Take out the trash on the right day, etc.

Bear in mind of course that I started going to 8-week sleepaway camp when I was 9 and never felt homesick. I was a very independent child!

As far as setting it up/rules to impose, I would go shopping (and maybe to the video store?) before you leave and ask her not to use the car except in emergency (assuming she has a license). Let her know which of her friends can stay over (choose the more serious/responsible ones) and call to check in on the land line (not the cell phone) at pre-arranged times.

Other than that, she sounds very self-directed so I wouldn’t be too concerned about shenanigans.

15

Dinsdale, I think the wildest thing any of your kids has done is braid the fringe on the wife’s new throws. :wink: I’d say you’re safe with a three-day trip. Just tell the neighbors you’ll be gone so they can act as a touch-point if a minor trauma arises. Have pre-arranged check-in times and leave power of attorney with her aunt. She’ll be fine.

16

Rest assured, we’re taking THAT one with us to keep a close eye on her.

Thanks for reminding me of that debacle, BTW! :wink:

17

Heh. Did you ever find the culprit?

18

She sounds responsible enough. I’d let her have people over, because when you’re all alone in the house and the parents are three hours away and it’s dark and there’s a funny noise, it can be kinda scary. But limit the number of people, no big parties, whatever.

19

My parents left me alone for a week at that age, and the only problem I had was the furnace went out (in the middle of a Minnesota winter) and I built fires in the fireplaces and camped out beside them. Be sure to give her the name of someone local she can go to if she needs help of that nature.

How’s your youngest daughter doing, BTW?

StG

20

I was certainly a responsible and adult person at her age and it sounds like she’s a very solid kid. I think it would be ok, but be sure she has a contact number of a local adult you trust in case of problems, broken plumbing, power outage, that kind of thing.