For reasons that aren’t relevant here, about a year ago, I took over a great deal of the decision making in regards to my sister, who is now fourteen.
This year, she met this girl in school, and they developed a friendship. We don’t actualy know the girl’s parents, but this is a smaller town, so we know people who know them, and know some of their extended family. The girl’s parents decided to let their daughter have a sleep-over. They invited about twenty kids, in the 12-14 year old range, plus one nine year old, and had a couple of chaperones. My sister was invited, and went.
The next day, she casually mentioned that around 1 am the youngest child, a relative of the host, got homesick. So, the host’s parents asked their daughter, and a couple of her friends (including my sister) to walk the child the two or so blocks back to her home, which they did.
I’m I wrong to think these people were crazy to send these four outside at that time of the morning? The kids were in violation of the town curfew (which pushes me over to feeling that they definitely made the wrong decision), but even if they weren’t this seems like a terrible idea to me. Especially since the parents didn’t know all the kids well enough to know their responsibility level. I’m also thinking I made a mistake agreeing to this whole thing in the first place, and that she shouldn’t go back there. But she is going to be an adult in four years, and I don’t want to be overprotective. I just don’t have years of experience to go on here.
Hm. I’m not a parent, so maybe I lean to being too liberal. I definitely wouldn’t have sent a single teenager with her. But a group of several 14 year olds walking a few blocks there and back? That doesn’t seem unreasonable to me, even at 1 in the morning. I doubt that anyone nasty would accost a group of three.
I think that the parents in my neighborhood would agree with me, as we often see groups containing several preteens wandering around late at night. My husband and I jokingly call them “roving bands of hooligans”, but they seem well behaved in general.
Are those town curfews actually enforced anywhere outside of an emergency? My town had one when I was a teenager, and it would never have occurred to us to worry about violating it.
You say they didn’t know all the kids well, but did they know the few they sent on the mission? I would have picked the three or four girls I did know to be responsible, and sent them, if the alternative was leaving myself or losing a chaperon.
Being out after curfew is…well…how do I say this…a bullshit concern about a bullshit law. Curfew is one of those laws enforced either because a kid was out making a nuisance of himself but not doing anything illegal, so the officer needs some law to cite, or because adults are terrified of teenagers. Make walking outside after midnight criminal, and only the criminals will walk outside after midnight.
Was there any problem? Or did the girls drop off their charge, turn around and go back to the house? That’s what I would expect of my kid and his friends of a similar age.
I was raised in a small town and this doesn’t seem unreasonable to me. It’s only a couple of blocks, and there are quite a few of them in a group. My parents might have done the same thing.
I don’t think I’d be overly concerned about it. It sounds like it was kind of an unusual circumstance, and maybe the parents thought the younger kid would be more comfortable walking home with some of the other (older kids). You said it was only a couple of blocks, so it must not have taken them long. It’s not like they were out buying beer or anything.
You’re a good person for caring. IMHO, either, since there were a couple of chaperones, one of the chaperones should have taken the child home; or the child’s parents should have come over.
They knew their kid, of course, but they’d just met “my” kid, and I don’t know about the other one.
As for curfew, they do enforce it, but I’m not sure to what extent. We live in the country, so it doesn’t come up, but they do pick up kids in town (whether because they’re causing trouble, or because it’s a small town with more cops than crime, I don’t know). I woudn’t be concerned about her being charged, but don’t want the hassle of picking her up at the holding center either.
It went off without a hitch, but the idea of it rubs me the wrong way. I personally wouldn’t have sent them out after about 11:30, or maybe 12. I definitely wouldn’t send someone I’d known for all of four hours.
The population of the town itself is about 8,000 people. Not Mayberry, but not huge.
Quartz, those were my thoughts too, but I admit this is all pretty new to me. My parents wouldn’t have done it, but they were overprotective.
May I ask the same question I asked Quartz, above, about why you feel like this was a problem? I’m curious as to whether you think the children were in danger.
A long, long time ago (when I was a kid) if I was unable to sleep I’d take my dog for a walk at 1-2 in the morning. We’d probably walk a mile or so, and it was in a residential area in Minneapolis (nice residential, though - Upper middle class). I never felt unsafe, but Sid was a big dog.
So no, a group of girls walking at that time for two blocks and back wouldn’t bother me. But what kid that age gets homesick two blocks from home for one night?
I haven’t bought into the idea that there are sex offenders lurking in the shadows waiting to snatch random children, or anything. It just seems way too late for kids and younger teens to be out on the streets to me. In my opinion, it was a short enough walk, that they could’ve sent an adult, rather than the girls, especially when at least one of them was someone they didn’t know.
Hmmm, 3 12-14 year olds and one 9 year old going from the care of adults 2 blocks to deliver the nine year old into the care of (I presume) another group of adults and back to the care of the original group of adults not 5 minutes later (I’m guessing).
Yes, I think you are way overreacting. If it really bothers you, I’d mention to the parents, next time your sister is invited (and yes, you should let her go), that you prefer she were not out of the home at night and would appreciate it if they kept her in. Simple as that.
I guess I’m just stuck on this concept. If you don’t think that there was someone lurking out there to hurt them, and yet it’s too late to be out… I just can’t connect the two ideas. Explain it to me please? If there’s a too late to be out, what is it too late for?
These are my thoughts, too. I lived in a rural town much bigger than the OP’s and frequently walked home by myself from neighborhood friends’ houses or local babysitting jobs quite late at night. It was no big deal - I just called my mom to let her know I was on my way home so she’d know about when to expect me. If it were a big city, I can understand the concern, but a town of only 8,000? Unless the kids are walking around with beer cans and yelling/somehow disturbing the peace, I wouldn’t mind.
I didn’t say it was rational, and if I was firm in the belief that I was right, this thread wouldn’t exist. The way I was raised, is that there are times to be off the streets. One o’clock in the morning is definitely way past that time.
Not exactly, because they decided to spend some time at the other house, but since my initial concern was the going in the first place, it probably has nothing to do with the topic at hand.
Well, no, if others seemed to think it was fine (and that’s the direction this thread is taking) I’d just let it go. I have no interest in smothering her.
