Our son is not irresponsible!

I get so frustrated with my sons father. He was very ill recently but has recovered to the most part. The other day he called and was talking with our daughter. He told her that his sister is listed as the primary person for medical situations and he wanted her to be listed as a secondary contact.

Now first she is only 16 so she can not make those kind of decisions. It made me angry that he even asked. She told him she did not think she could since she is under 18 and he should list her brother. He told her that he did not want her brother listed because he is irresponsible.

I don’t know how I can get it through to him that our son is no longer twelve.

He works full time
He rents a room for $300 a month at his friends dads house that includes, food, cable, wireless internet and all utilities
He has his temporary driving permit
He is currently buying a car from his friends dad by making monthly payments
He is scheduled to take his driving test this Thursday

He will be nineteen in two weeks. I don’t think he is doing so bad.

I don’t understand why his dad thinks he is such an irresponsible loser.

I think our son needs to find himself and what he really wants to do in life. I am quite proud of him. He has grown a great deal in the last year. Even if he “flips burgers” for the rest of his life it is honest work. He has been living away from home for almost a year now. He has only borrowed money from me one time and that was only $40 dollars which he paid back as soon as he got paid.

Everyone has their first jobs. Everyone moves on to bigger and better things and his father was no exception. He lived with roommates. He did not go to college. He has done nothing so amazing in his life that he should feel superior.

I just don’t understand the negativity. I mean we all want better things for our children then we had but it is about understanding and encouraging them as well which is something his father never does.

He is not like this with his daughter at all.

It is so frustrating and I feel so bad for our son. I try and tell him as often as I can how proud I am of him. I am keeping my fingers crossed that he passes his driving test Thursday. My hopes and dreams are always for the best when it comes to either of my kids.

I want to call him up and tell him to shut the hell up and if he is to make any comments about our son they better be positive and encouraging ones.

I don’t want my son to hate his dad but the older he gets the more alienated he is going to get from him because of these kind of comments.

Maybe this should go in IMHO. I am looking for advice but well I mostly wanted to just vent.

You should point out to his Dad that the surest way of guaranteeing that his son becomes an irresponsible loser is to keep defining him as such.

It’s not that hard to understand. Saying such things to his sister is, well, let’s be honest, irresponsible.

Your son sounds very responsible to me. I didn’t move out till I was 21 and that was only after my mom kicked me out of the house.

Does it seem to anyone else that men are often harder on their sons? I remember the boys I was dating at around that age, and it seemed like NONE of them got along with their fathers. Lots of clashing and conflict.

Your son seems to be taking care of his business and being responsible. Good for you for supporting and encouraging his growth!

I agree, “flipping burgers” can be a great job, I had a wonderful experience with that myself.

My father was hardest with his daughter (me) and middle son. So was Mom.

Middlebro and me apparently didn’t match the mental images my parents had of what their children would be like; Littlebro did.

There was a joke Mom would tell untill we collectively threw the book at her, since all three of us find it terribly offensive. “See, what I wanted to do was clone my husband. She, I got wrong for obvious reasons; Middlebro has too much imagination and doesn’t care about soccer; Littlebro proved that third is true - he’s a true clone of his father!”

Other families’ mileage is bound to vary.