Out of the blue, after 23 years, a phone call(longish)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I can’t believe who I just heard from.

The phone rang, I picked it up. Unfamiliar male voice on the other end, asking for me by my IRL name. OK, that usually means a telemarketer, except strangers usually mispronounce my surname. He identified himself, and it took several seconds for the name to register.

It was my ex-husband. We were divorced in December of 1979, and last saw each other three months later when our house sold. When we seperated he went to live with another woman in town. (This place is my home, he was from Georgia and Virginia.) I guess he married the other woman, because exactly a year later a reliable source informed me that “Mrs. X” had been at the hospital with “Mr. X” and she was having a baby, a girl. My cousin’s wife had a baby the same week, at the same hospital, and sometimes, when I see her, I think I could have a 23 year old daughter. Heck, I could concievably be a grandmother.

I never remarried. So here is this voice from the past, letting me know he is in town to visit his daughter, and wondering if I would be interested in having a cup of coffee or something. Thoughts raced through my head at a million miles an hour, but I turned him down, politely and gently. He sounded a bit regretful, but did not push it, just wondered how I was. I did tell him I was having surgery soon, and he said he hoped I did well.

I wonder if I did the right thing, but really, what would have been the point? We had no kids, no reason to stay in touch. Sure, I’m curious. For example, is he still married? He didn’t volunteer the information, and I didn’t ask. Since I took back my maiden name I assume he figures I’m single. I guess he might have been interested in knowing my grandmother was still alive. She liked him, and when we divorced it hurt her, but she loved me and was angry at things he said way back then.

He sounded like a nice person on the phone. The anger, bitterness, and memory of rancorous arguments is long past, and I can remember that there were good times too. But as I said before, what would have been the point?

So why do I feel sad now?

2

I think you probably made the right choice.

As far as feeling sad goes that is probably normal. I talked to my ex-fiance a couple of years ago. When we broke up it was heartbreaking and it took me a long time to get over it. When we talked it brought back all the ‘could have beens’ and I got pretty depressed for a couple of days. I still loved the girl, heck I still love her to this day, but talking to her just brought back all the sad crap that happened when we broke up.

But then again I could be totally wrong.

Slee

3

Sorry you feel sad :frowning:

I think that’s normal, though. Of course, I can’t tell you why he called, but I can tell you my mom-in-law is beginning to wish she could be friends with her ex-husband, and even his wife. She said for good or bad, they are a part of her life story, and that makes her connected to them…so she has some affection for them.

He may have wanted to connect just to talk about what everyone is up to. I wouldn’t say that it would have been worthless. There are so many things you could speculate as to why he wanted to talk.

You may feel sad now because you do have that connection, that history. We all look back and think about what might have been. You made your decision not to meet…unfortunately, it sounds you weren’t given the chance to think about it much first.

Anything that makes you think of sad times will make you sad. If you lose someone, and later someone you love loses someone, you feel that hurt all over again. Let yourself feel sad, nurse yourself, and you’ll feel better soon.

Take care!
{{{{Baker}}}}

4

Maybe it’s because you turned down an opportunity to learn what’s been going on in his life all these years?

Myself, I might have taken him up on his offer for coffee. If things turn sour or you just have a sinking feeling, you always have the option of cutting things short and leaving.

Hope you feel better soon Baker. And I wish you well on your surgery. Will you be in the hospital for a few days for recovery? Will you be able to have visitors? I’ll do what I can to help out if you need it.

5

Thanks to everyone. I think it helps to talk. I have questions that it would be interesting to know the answers to, such as whether or not his folks are okay, but the “might have beens” may have depressed me at a time when I’m going to need my physical and mental strength for my upcoming surgery. The latter has been bumming me out more than I care to admit.

Horseflesh, the doctor said I would be in the hospital for 3 to 4 days, a long stay these days. After that I will be at home for 3 to 4 weeks. So if you want my cookies it will have to be soon. BTW, I have some of that brown sugar dough made up at work. I’d love visitors, although I will probably look like a hag. Being in the hospital is boring, and daytime TV doesn’t do it for me. I’ll be right across the street from where I work, at Stormont-Vail. I go in this coming Thursday.

6

Mmmmm, maybe I’ll bring you some cookies. :smiley:

Shoot me an email before you go in and I’ll try to make it up there depending on how work goes. Maybe I could bring you a book or three or some magazines? Or just visiting and chatting. I can blather on for quite some time on just about anything.

At least it’ll give me the excuse to stop in and say “Hey, look at all the sick people! Ooo, there’s one right there!” I also need to pick up a surgical gown or two and a less rusty scalpel to support my burgeoning fly-by-night underground surgical practice run out of my storm shelter.

7

:smack: Never mind, you said this coming Thursday. I have to work that night but what about Friday morning? I’m off Saturday and Sunday so I could stop by then as well. Still, shoot me an email with your last name again, it slipped my mind.

8

Baker, I hope your surgery goes well. On the plus side, think of the all the SDMB time a 3 to 4 week recuperation will give you!

9

So, see if you can find a radio station willing to play Dan Fogelberg’s Another Auld Lang Syne, and remind yourself of the many good things in your life. Looking back is human and understandable, but living in the past doesn’t work.

If we were in the same city, you know I’d stop by with books or jigsaw puzzles or something to do rather than sit and be bored. Instead, I’ll send you some thoughts.

Wish I could be more help,
CJ

10

I hope your surgery goes well tomorrow, Baker. See if they’ll let you play with the most expensive piece of equipment in the hospital. You know, the one that goes PINGGGggggg!

I’ll see ya on Friday with some books or something. You like crosswords or brain games?

11

Baker hope you are feeling much better soon.

Prayers and thoughts headed your way for tomorrow.

Aries

12

((((Baker)))))

Good thoughts coming your way for tomorrow. And hopes for a speedy recovery. :slight_smile:

13

Good luck on the surgery.

Maybe you can think of a start to Return to Anderson’s Gulch while you’re recovering? :wink:

14

Thank’s everyone for the good wishes. It really, truly helps me to feel better. I leave the house in about10 hours, so it’s not long now.

Horseflesh anything you bring would be fine.

Aries28, how is the book thing coming along?

ivylass, I would love to start a sequel! But before we did I think we should contact the authors of the original, at least the ones who had more than one or two posts, to let them know what is in the wind. They may be interested in participating again. It would be good to have at least four regular authors or more. Ooooh, this is going to be fun! It’s probably going to be more than a week before I’m up to it though, but that will give me something to ponder. And if an AG sequel can be comepleted, there’s always a sequel to the sci-fi story to be considered!

Maybe recovery won’t be so bad after all. Thanks for all the prayers and good wishes, and I should be home by Monday. That tremor in my hands will be from SDMB withdrawal, not from medications!