I’ve got three exes.
The most recent ex, if she called, I’d want a long, in-depth, heartfelt apology before I’d consider speaking to her. I’m not much of one for grudges, but she’s built up a good one in me.
The middle ex, if she called, I’d be willing to do lunch with her. We’ve grown really far apart, however, so I think it’d be awkward: she’d wanna talk about being a high-powered biz exec, and I’d wanna talk about anything but.
The first ex, I just sent an email to. After we broke up, we spent about five years not talking at all (or talking about once a year, more accurately). We finally reestablished contact and traumatically worked through a lot of the unresolved stuff from our relationship, and then we were great email buddies for awhile, gossiping about one another’s romantic lives and anything else. But she moved to Canada, and we’ve fallen out of touch again. She was a very good friend, and I’d like to get back in touch.
I’m fortunately dating a wonderful woman who doesn’t weird out at my being friends with my exes – she herself is great friends with her exes, and I think that’s just fine. But not all exes are friendsworthy.
If your heart is still messing with you over it and she calls you back, you may want to tell her so. Tell her that you don’t feel ready to talk with her yet, that you still have some unresolved stuff, and you’d appreciate her waiting a bit before talking with you again. A bit might be a week, or it might be five years – she should leave it up to you.