Many years ago, while in high school, I noticed that there were many guys who would much rather spend their time with the guys. These guys seemed to be much more interested in sports than the girls. They would spend their weekends going to the games, playing cards and drinking in a group that was exclusively made up of guys. There did not seem to be anything of a sexual nature to this group. They just did not seem to be really interested in the company of the girls.
I was confused by this, but figured it was really none of my business. Skip ahead many years, and my daughter (age 29) is involved with a guy who seems to be the adult version of these guys from high school. Their relationship started slowly, but seemed to be going well. Suddenly, he decided he needed “space” and put the relationship on hold. They still talk and he says he is still interested but needs to be more “ready to commit” before they can get back together. Last night, he cancelled plans with my daughter and played poker with the guys.
I didn’t understand these guys back then, and tirty five years later, I am still baffled.
Some blokes just like the company of other men… could be due to insecurity, an inability to communicate with women, or just that their interests tend to be shared only by men.
There ain’t too many women I know who like the idea of sitting around till 4am puffing cigars and playing poker. But if that’s what floats your boat, you’ll seek out people (in this case, guys) who share those interests.
This one’s easy to overthink. It’s simply that he enjoys the things he does with his friends quite a lot. After all, he’s been hanging out with (guy) friends all his life – it’s what he does! They might play some cards, watch some football, shoot the shit… generally laughing and having a great time all the while.
If he gets interested in a girl and compatibility between them is such that her companionship would trump all of the above, he’s not going to know that for quite a while. The amount of time depends on the state of mind of the guy. If he’s enjoying life and in no particular rush to settle down, then deciding on any given occasion between:
(a) having a great time hanging out with his friends, or
(b) having a less great time going to dinner and watching a movie with the girl,
is a no brainer for him.
If the girl is in a different state of mind – if finding Mr. Right is high on her list – then things aren’t going to be pretty. She will approach the relationship assuming “he might be”, and he might be approaching the relationship assuming “she probably isn’t”. Since this gives (a) a big advantage over (b), such situations usually have no chance to change since, well, he’s hanging out with his guys all the time.