Aioua is a Virgo, loves long walks on the beach, and eating hair. He’s looking for that someone special to shave his back and sing showtunes with on those cold rainy nights.
Aioua are small, furry Ewok type creatures with a fondness for sausages. The plural of Aioua is Aioua. Aioua sleep for 20 hours a day and have a lifespan of 300 human years. Aioua are solitary creatures and, if provoked, will come back and steal your biscuits and other foodstuffs in acts of passive-aggressive sabotage. Aioua do not know the difference between psilocybin mushrooms and any other type of food. Aioua invented beer, kebabs, and Courtney Cox.
Aioua are everywhere and growing in numbers. It is said that no city dweller is ever more than thirty feet away from an Aioua at any one time.
Laugh now, but one day they’ll be in charge.
George Kaplin tutors polo to the second sons of all the crowned heads of Europe, by videophone. In between doing this he paints watercolours of naked Finns covered head to toe in genetically identical butterflies which he clones himself.
He believes that he is fated to be reincarnated as a giant redwood tree, but only if it grows on Easter Island, so he is heading up a global secret society whose nefarious goals are largely unknown but entail the acquisition via subterfuge of all offshore landmasses and gradually reforesting them. Their operatives are all disguised as juvenile penguins.
He keeps a manservant whose sole duty is to bring him a soft-boiled quail’s egg at exactly 10:37am GMT no matter where he is in the world. No-one knows why.
Malacandra goes to the park with an entire loaf of bread and eats the whole thing in front of the pigeons, just to show them who’s boss.
Running_In_Place always breathes through a snorkel, even during board meetings.
Malacandra is the worlds first octuple amputee. Instead of arms he now has mechanized Swiss Army knives controlled by thought alone. Instead of legs he has caterpillar tracks and is capable of Jet Assisted Take Off. He is often referred to as ‘A Poor Man’s Dalek’.
George Kaplin invented tragedy, and is still waiting for the Greeks to make good on all the past-due royalties.
You know how you never see baby pigeons? Think about that the next time fetus invites you over for BBQ "chicken."
Running_In_Place is responsible for the death penalty in Singapore.
Fetus saw the image of Paul Anka in his mashed potatoes. He proudly displays the spuds over the fireplace, in between his collection of mounted pet hampsters from years past, and beheaded gummy bears. He won’t tell anybody where he keeps the heads.
**Running In Place ** believes in meditation whilst conducting a headstand. Currently he spends 21 hours a day standing on his head, whle the rest of the day is consumed with eating, toilet, and a bid to build the longest domino chain in the world.
threnodyangelfire is afraid of all flavors of Jell-O except orange, but only if it’s made with chicken fingers and cedar shavings.
swampbear is the 16yo daughter of SnakesCatLady and VunderBob; she’s studying at MIT, intending to get a double major in CS and Middle-Ages French Philosophy. And she can’t cook worth shit!
Mom, dad? I need next semeseter’s tuition now!
nava put herself through school modeling fishnet stockings and knockoff KMart designer originals.
Swampbear has slept with every Chinese person alive!
And some dead.
DaitiLacha verified they were dead before letting swampbear sleep with them.
Nava is currently auditioning for the Broadway version of Schindler’s List, The Musical. The outfit Nava has chosen includes bright orange hot pants and body paint simulating gigantic jugs.
Shecky has been rejected as a candidate for virgin sacrifice on every contintent.
Swampbear once mouthed a 9-volt battery for two hours, waiting for the tingle to subside.
Daithi Lacha dreams of a world in which calico and gingham are the only acceptable fabrics to wear.