Anyone would like to share experiences/knowledge about how they or others overcame trauma, especially from childhood?
I’ve read a bit on this and you don’t ever get “cured” as such. (I’m talking PTSD type stuff.)
You do however become less and less fearful when thinking about the experience(s) with time. And can think about it [talk about it] or similar situations without getting as upset. (Like having a panic attack.)
So with time, you kind of get more used to it. But the pain is always there.
Member **SpiceWeasel **has spoken some about her dealings with her PTSD from childhood trauma. Not sure if she will see this thread but you can search her name to see what comes up.
For me one of the biggest things was admitting out-loud to someone what happened. For so many years (into my late 20’s) I kept it all in from shame and guilt. When I finally put it out there, it was a massive relief and allowed me to then begin to deal with it more directly. That’s not to say that the trauma I experienced doesn’t still manifest itself in my behaviors and interactions today. But at least now it is a “defined” thing that can be acknowledged, understood, and addressed.
As others already said, it doesn’t ever really go away- but with time, you do stop thinking about it as often, and you are more able to make a clear rational choice (internal monologue: “Okay, I am feeling this, and this situation still bugs me. But now it’s time to go do/feel something else.”) to direct your thoughts elsewhere.
Therapy might do the same thing that time does for some people, but quicker- can’t vouch for that, since I never could get it to work.
(In my case, the trauma was the death of a primary caretaker back when I was 15, only a few years after the family moved to the States- thought about her on a daily basis for something like 6-7 years before the thoughts became less frequent.)
Not sure what trauma you’re looking for advice about? For me, my father was physically and verbally abusive. Dislocated my arms many times. Knocked me through and into walls. Yelled.
I do not today, 30 years out of his house, think about those experiences. But. But still. A loud man’s voice or a certain expression and I am frantic to appease and escape.
In certain ways it shaped my life. It took me a long time to become comfortable standing up for myself in any setting. This had impacts on the career I chose, and on my career path.
I should have received professional help, but the first time I tried the therapist and I were not a match. Later attempts, it proved difficult to find a good therapist who would accept my insurance. [sarcasm]American health care is wonderful.[/sarcasm]
I think I just gutted through on sheer stubbornness and luck. I would recommend therapy to anyone with my past.
What is it therapy did for you? How did it do it?
Well, I never did it, so it did nothing. I think it would have helped me realize a lot sooner that there was nothing that I did wrong at the age of 1, 3, 8, etc, that warranted the abuse my father dealt out. I think that therapy would have helped me stand up for myself at school, and later at work. I think that therapy would have given me strategies to use when in a confrontational situation that were of more practical use than give in completely and/or hide.
Come to think of it, therapy might be helpful even now…
What did help was time. You get older and realize that no child deserves what happens to me. You get a little older yet and you realize that your home life is better if you speak up and let your spouse know what you’re thinking (and I picked a good person in the first place to marry). You get even older, and you realize that you want to set a good example for your kids, so you start speaking up for yourself more often, even in simple situations like restaurants and in the store. That all works out ok, so you start speaking up at work, which works out too. It took decades. A psychologist would have helped it all along faster I think.
I still am angry with my abuser, when I really think about it.
I still am angry with every single one of my family members who never stopped it.
Yes, one of these days, I might try a psychologist again and see if I can address any of the remaining pieces. I turned out ok, but it might have been a bit of an easier journey.
I’m not going into details. Sorry.
Two things:
“Shitty childhood, turn the page”
and
“Living well is the best revenge”
Why let the assholes who abused you as a child make your entire life miserable?
Be real careful when allowing people to be in positions in which they can harm you.
(yes, I’ve never married, moved at age 60, see no reason to keep in touch with who I used to be, nor cultivate a new “network”*).
-
- please get back to me when people again think of others as “my friends” and not “my network”.
Of all the social upheavals I’ve witnessed, this is the most disturbing.
I may well be the last person who prefers “friends” to “contacts”.
- please get back to me when people again think of others as “my friends” and not “my network”.