I overheard two within the last week:
“He’s depressed but he says it doesn’t bother him.”
“Thank God there’s a God.”
mmm
Muttered under his breath by a four-year-old at the beach after maybe fifteen minutes of trying to get his distracted mother’s attention:
I’m gonna throw sand.
overheard from a guy while i was wating tablea during midnights at a steak and shake in TN: “and thats how i accidentally gave him a blowjob”
This morning, at Trader Joe’s: That’s okay, honey, I have seaweed at home.
obligatory “if it weren’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college.”
At the Alamo: “Why’d they build it downtown?”
I was on the phone troubleshooting a merchant’s card swiper, when he told me to hold on a minute, and I heard this:
Hey Joe, why the hell does this coffee taste like your ass?!?
At a truck stop in Washington state:
That road’s so rough you couldn’t fly over it.
After Boston bombings.
“How did they get an extension cord long enough to plug in the pressure cooker?!?”
As God as my witness.
In Amsterdam while waiting in line at the Anne Frank house. (Said by an American in her late teens. )
“I don’t understand. Why were they hiding?”
At an AA meeting, “I wish I could drink normally. If I could, I would do it every single day.”
In a historical mystery novel, Murder at Hull House by Frances McNamara, a professor dismisses the work at Hull House as “frivolous women who have nothing better to do with their time.”
Nothing better to do with their time than providing for the immediate needs of people in their community? Huh.
“You can’t come next Tuesday, I will be in court taking a plea bargain on killing my wife.”
true story.
A young boy (six or so) to a slightly younger brother:
“And if a girl tells you she’s gay, it means she likes boys.”
“Helium doesn’t have any protons to begin with.”
“Is a cherry pit a hole in the ground where cherry trees are planted?”
“Will water explode if you catch it on fire?”
Possible earlier scenario:
Young boy overhears someone calling another boy “gay.”
Young boy asks an adult (or anybody old enough to know) what that means.
The adult explains it means the other boy “likes boys.”
The young boy applies this lesson to mean that a gay person (whether male or female) is someone who “likes boys.”
:: quietly gets up, exits subway train at next stop, waits for next train ::
In sixth grade when we got our report cards for the latest six-weeks semester, referred to by us as a “six weeks” instead of “semester”:
“Report cards already? I thought there were eight weeks in a six weeks.”
“You know what she’s like; she goes through men like wet flies.”
Sooo… we’ll meet Wednesday?
Eh, makes sense. Because wet flies sink, and thus are more susceptible to getting snagged on rocks and weeds. So you keep losing them? I assume that was the point… :dubious: