I overheard the wrong part of that conversation

It might be because I sit right by the main aisle, but I always overhear random things. The one promting this thread I heard yesterday:

Guy 1 - . . . he managed to ram it all in her several times.
Guy 2 - Yup, leave it to him to find a way to do that.


Earlier this week two people walked by and I heard, “. . . but that wasn’t the first time I kissed that chair.”

It was pretty clear; I don’t think I misheard it. Even if I had, what did they actually say?


Maybe I should get a tape recorder and make an album.

These are easy. The first case was a guy talking about his sheep. He’s a breeder.

The second is a member of an orchestra trying to schmooze his way into a better part.

There is a website for you to put these things.

My winner in this category involves coming in on the end of a story at a party; the speaker refused to repeat the story for me:

“…and I looked down, and there was a chocolate-covered graham cracker stuck between my toes.”

A friend of mine has a better overheard fragment, which we would both love to know the context for:

“…and if you shoot soap up into it, your arm will explode!”

The other day as I was walking out of my local cell phone store, I could have sworn I heard someone at the counter say, “And if you have a cell phone, you can talk to Jesus!”

Easy, they were talking about camping safety and why you wear shoes when making s’mores.

Or why you don’t do firewalking on regular campfires.

I teach college, and one of my classes this semester was a long, 3-hour class. I would generally give the students a ten-minute break in the middle, so they could go out and stretch their legs, grab a drink, use the bathroom, etc.

A few weeks ago, almost everyone was back in their seat ready for the second half of the class, and the last two students walked in talking. One of them is pretty loud, and the class was pretty quiet, and all we hard as she came in the door was:

“…and his testicles were still intact.”

There was a stunned silence in the classroom, then everyone started laughing, until the student explained that she was talking about a cat-neutering service.

I can make jokes out of most of these. But this one is so surreal that I’m at a loss.

“If it weren’t for my horse…”

This one drives me crazy and will forever. And I will never find out what it means.

I’d like to have a list of bizarro things to say just as someone is entering an elevator… is that evil of me?

Not at all. I have a list of things that one can do in an elevator just to feak other people out. Like, as soon as the other person gets in you can say, “Greetings, honored guest. I am called the Admiral, and I am the lord of all that you see here,” at this point you turn to the back of the elevator and gesture to encompass the imaginary land back there. You then proceed to pretend like the other person is some kind of ambassador or something and you’re having a conversation with him or her.

It’s not any more evil than the rest of us here…


Seriously? Classic Lewis Black. Google it.

Nigel Rees had a book of these called Eavesdroppings. My favourite was a guy walking across a quadrangle in Oxford, and there are two Dons in animated discussion walking past him, one ticking points off his fingers. As they pass all he hears is “… and ninthly …”.

Someone at my school set up a facebook thread for this sort of thing. Here are some of the ones I’ve contributed:

“…that wasn’t a woman, that was a guy wearing a suit with a pirate hook carrying a briefcase.”

“…my ex-girlfriend thought I was getting with a mermaid.”

“…16-inch long vagina…”

“…Chris, you would kill your kid if it was a girl, right?”

“What we need is a healthy dance-down.”

“…I tried to get him to dance with the girl with the broken leg and I was going to take the guy in the wheelchair, but it turned out that there was an 80-year-old man behind me so I grinded on him…”

Thank you for reminding me of the, “two minute rule”. I don’t know if the concept exists elsewhere, but in my old circle of friends, if you walked in on a crazy conversation after about two minutes, we were not backing up to explain it to you. I started writing down our best ones in a ratty old notebook. I’ll go get it. :slight_smile:

…and we were running down the street, chasing after his balls…

Aphrodite was the one with the removable breasts.

I vibrated all the way home.

If you pick him up and shake him, his butt rattles!

Person 1: Did it smell like a dead person or a dead animal?
Person 2: I don’t know, I don’t go around sniffing corpses.

Don’t be boring, just don’t ask me to sing to my vagina.

Thank you for the unnecessary snarkiness. I know what it is. Duh. “If it weren’t for my horse, I never would have spent that year in college.” But like Mr. Black says, what does she mean? Did she ride the horse to college? Did she sell the horse to pay for tuition? How is it related?

Two friends of mine were in an elevator once and when someone else entered one of them casually said to the other, “Well, I knew there was going to be a human sacrifice, but I didn’t expect so much blood!”

I had never seen this quote before, but its meaning is readily apparent to me, probably because I have a friend who takes horseback riding very seriously, to the point where she is willing to pay to have her horse kept at a ranch near her school just so she can ride it after classes.

The snippet of the quote suggests that the woman absolutely hated her classes / her dormitory / her lack of friends / whatever, but loved spending time with her horse. If she hadn’t had her horse with her, she imagines that she would have dropped out of school from the misery.

Nothing mysterious about this, Mr. Black.