I agree with Angel 100%. Her roommate is looking for trouble, and I hope she isn’t hurt too badly when she finds it. (Not to mention how inconsiderate this is.) In a perfect world, women never get hurt by strangers. This isn’t the world we live in. Angel and her roommate didn’t know this guy. There comes a point in relationships when you do trust the other person, but not when you first meet. I think the germane point here is “How bad could it be?”, and that bad is pretty darn bad. You guys who are arguing against this are probably very nice guys who would never do violence to a woman; not all guys are as nice as you, or the phrase “date-rape” wouldn’t be part of our everyday vocabulary.
BAND NAME!!!
I agree with the OP, and many others here. It was a very foolish thing to do. Glad that the guy turned out to be harmless, though.
As far as worrying about the guy being a “rapist” - that’s a fear ALL women have with almost any strange man they meet. Paranoid? Yes. But a reality that most women face.
With good reason. I heard last night on the Discovery Health channel (on a show about sexuality) that there are about 600,000 estimated rapes per year in the United States - more than one per minute.
I realise this thread is probably over, since the boyfriend came and went, but I had to add my two cents after thinking about this thread.
How your boyfriend acted in front of parents is no indication of how he would act when you were alone. People aren’t stupid; if he was a rapist, he wouldn’t try to attack you in public. The “nice and wholesome” persona that he initially presented could have been an act; as soon as he got you alone, he could be as evil and harmful as he pleased.
And I don’t see how age difference has anything to do with this. Your roommate’s boyfriend is ten years older than she - that means he’s potentially more dangerous than your boyfriend, who is closer to your age? That seems to be the point you are making in the last sentence of your first paragraph. Rapists or any types of people who prey on another don’t necessarily care about the relative age of their victims. Nowhere is there a rule that says that the bigger the age difference between you and a strange man, the greater the likelihood of an attack.
…my boyfriend and I didn’t have any alone time the first few times that we met. There was always a parental figure around. When it got to the point where both we and our parents felt comfortable having us be alone together, we were. But that took a long time. They were alone together within an hour. ::sighs:: I suppose I can’t get into this without sounding like a hypocrite.
As for the age difference. . .I suppose that just raised some warning flags in my head. I couldn’t see why a sexually normal 28 year old would drive that far to see a 18 year-old. And I certainly wouldn’t be comfortable spending the night with a 28 year-old man. . .that, admittedly, might be my own narrow-mindedness.
He’s still here, incidentally. He decided to stay an extra day. He’s in the room right now. I’m thrilled :rolleyes:
iampunha:
Everything you ahve said indicates to me that
A) You have almost no understanding of other people’s perspectives. Yes, you think you are the cats pajamas, but AoTL doesn’t know you, nor does she know the guy she is going to be FORCED to sleep with. As has been mentioned before, she pays for this room and every right to object to stranger prowling about.
In addtion:
B) The fact that you take AoTL’s concern that this anonymous stranger MIGHT be dangerous as a personal attack on you suggests to me that you are dangerous. Get help, you paranoid fuck.
Does everyone in the world have the responsibility to bow down to your selfishness or be branded intolerant? Who are you to judge AoTL? Frankly, she seemed awfully reasonable. She could have just waited until the middle of the night, beat the shit out of you, and said that she woke up to find a strange man in her room and was defending herself.
I think iampunha probably doesn’t have male friends who have been raped. Most women have female friends or aquaintences who have been raped. It’s a REAL fear for us. I don’t think iampunha has had to worry when he walks along an isolated street “Watch out, you might be raped!” (He might fear other things, but “rape” probably isn’t high on the list.) This is a real and constant concern for women.
Most women understand that “giving the strange guy that you hardly know the benefit of the doubt, because you don’t KNOW that he’s a rapist” is an EXTREMELY stupid thing to do.
I don’t give a damn if some guys are going to have their feathers ruffled because women are trying to be careful, and cautious. Too damned bad if people like iampunha are somehow offended or ruffled because we wonder or “assume” that strange guys MIGHT be rapists. We have a REASON to worry.
So just deal with being having your feathers ruffled about it then. We’d like to stay safe. Thank you very much.
Wow, he is there right now? Is she raped yet? You better go check to see if she is raped. I would do so right now instead of posting to this message bored.
It must be a really shitty way to go through life suspecting every single person of the male gender to be a rapist. Of course you can never tell who might and who might not be prone to forcing sex on young women, but then again, I don’t know who is a homicidal maniac with a gun. But do I go ducking everytime I see someone reaching into their jacket pocket?
Being careful is one thing, being paranoid is another. Just because this roommate isn’t living in the same sheltered world (your parents have to be there when you meet someone, and on subsequent meetings as well?), does not mean that she is going to be the victim of a violent crime.
You are right, men do not have to worry all that much walking down the street about getting raped. I suppose that is just my point, a female can pretty much become the victim of the horrible crime of rape in almost any atmoshpere by pretty much any type of male. So why attempt to rain down on this girl’s attempt at a relationship, when her chance for getting raped or assaulted in this situation are realistically no more than if she went to a bar, or a frat party, or anywhere else horny college aged guys with lots of alcohol in their system would be.
This guy is almost certainly less of a rapist than any of those drunk college guys. In fact, he is more likely to actually fall all over himself trying to treat her right because he is 28, and he does need to drive a long distance to meet a girl. He is desperate, and probably a hell of a lot more desperate for female companionship than for a sexual release.
God help me if I am wrong, but I really doubt I am.
:rolleyes:
If you’re so bored with this message board, why are you here? 
Welcome to our world, baby.
No, it isn’t like we worry that the guy bagging our groceries is going to leap on us and rape us right there. But there is a huge difference between worrying that every guy, in every situation is going to leap on you (which is too paranoid) and feeling hesitant about having some STRANGER stay in your living quarters.
And no, giving the benefit of the doubt to a stranger who is coming into our own domicile isn’t something we should HAVE to do. Too bad if this “paranoia” offends some members of the male gender.
gtzaskar00, you’re an idiot.
Do you lock your door at night?
It must be a really shitty way to go through life suspecting every single person to be a burglar.
If you had bothered to read the OP, you would realize the this is not about AoTL’s roommate’s safety. She can take whatever risks she feels are appropriate, based upon her own judgement. Must AoTL be subjected to her roommate’s judgement of this guy?
Hey! I honestly think that the guy who lives downstairs from me is safe and honest. May he sleep in your room tonight? No? Must be a pretty shitty way to go through life not trusting everyone uncondtionally.
idiot.
Well considering how you took that comment to mean that I was bored with the board, I suppose I should disregard your entire arguement. Somehow the point behind it all was lost on you. That comes as no suprise.
I guess the nonsarcastic, easier for you to understand version would be:
Hey, if the well being of yourself and your roommate is the main concern behind all this, why post to this board when you should be keeping your eye on the potential rapist you have up in your room.
Beyond that, I am not sure how I would reword the rest.
Hey gtzaskar00, why do you find it so threatening that women might be on their guard against rapists? They might fuck you up next time?
And why are you only responding to the poster who expresses her fear of rape? Do you get off on that?
Stupid, mysogynist fuck, don’t take your sexual frustration out on innocent posters.
:rolleyes:
:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
I thought I needed to do more than one of those.
Did you even grasp the fact that I was amused by your spelling error? The huge “grin” smiley should have TIPPED YOU OFF. See? See? “bored” means “not interested, has found tiring”. “Board” as in “message board”. THEY ARE SPELLED DIFFERENTLY!!! And you used the one spelling, when you should have used the other. That’s all. I thought it was cute that you’d made that little gaffe, so I thought I’d make a playful comment on it! Got it now?! Sheeeesh. Talk about “the point being lost”! :rolleyes:
Well, I’m glad you got the spelling right that time! <—see? Smiley! SEE???
Well, at least you got the spelling right this time! <— See? SMILEY!! SEE?!?!?
And in preview, I have to see custard dragon has addressed other issues, saving me the effort.
That was a really observant statement. Great job. I do not feel the need to defend or deny my sexual frustrations, because only myself and my fiance know and need to know how much I get it.
Of course I feel no offense at someone being very protective of their body, especially females who, like it or not, as a gender have a lot more to worry about when it comes to physical and sexual assault.
I of course was questioning the assumption that this lonely 28 year old guy who made some kind of mental and/or emotional connection with a girl, is automatically a rapist. Are all men potential rapists?
I amnot condemning anyone’s right to protect themselves. I suppose I am just trying to get a grasp on the female mind set, at least this particular female mind.
I would really hate to think of me going to visit my fiance at her dorm room and know that her roommate was scared that I was going to rape them both as soon as they fell asleep.
Oh yeah, keep calling me names, that really drove home your point.
I fear for your fiance. Your attitude on this board speaks for itself.
Oh, and about the names?
A) This is the BBQ pit, not GD.
B)Dangerous freaks like you REALLY piss me off.
C) They are accurate.
See ya!
But he’s a STRANGER to AoTL. She never thought he was “automatically” a rapist, but the risk is there. The risk is also there that this STRANGER (to AoTL) is a thief, or a nutjob, or a naked one-eyed biker dude (not that there’s anything wrong with naked one-eyed biker dudes…) Why should AoTL have to rely on her roommate’s judgement (flawed as it might be) in regards to this guy?
Are all people potential thieves? Well, if not, why don’t you leave your car doors unlocked? How dare you not give all the people out there the benefit of the doubt? They might have their feelings hurt, seeing that you’ve locked your car doors. It might imply that you don’t trust them. The nerve of you.
Once again, I see custard dragon has answered in a far more concise manner!
The situation would probably be a little different if this guy were my roommate’s fiance, visiting from their hometown of East Cupcake, IL, or whatever. I would still be somewhat perturbed about spending the night in the same room as this guy…but I would at least have the reassurance that my roommate had spent time with him, and knew what to expect to him on a physical level. In this case, however. . .there is none of that knowledge.
And the guy wasn’t automatically a rapist. There was just the possibility that he was, and, personally, I don’t want to take unnecessary risks. I didn’t want him in here while I was sleeping. Is that an unreasonable request, not to have strange men around while I’m asleep? Or have I missed the social bandwagon on this one? Like it or not, athletic training or not, most guys could overpower me, if they wanted to. It’s the same for most females; we can be overpowered very easily. The males are simply BIGGER than we are. In this particular female’s case, there’s also the fact that I’ve been in a compromised position before.
Why should I be obligated to take risks based upon my roommate’s judgement? I mean, even if the guy isn’t a rapist–although that was my greatest fear–he could be a thief, like yosemitebabe suggested.
Thanks AoTL, that is all I wanted, a clear and concise look into what you were thinking. I completely understand your desire to protect yourself from even the slightest risk of any harm.
As far as my car doors, I doubt anyone would steal the piece of shit, so no, I do not normally lock the doors of it. Besides, that is a completely different arguement. I am not protecting myself from anyone who might be near my car, but from anyone who wanted to open the door to get in, other than the person with the key. I am sure no one wants to get into my car to spark a relationship with something inside. In the case of the roommate, someone was gaining access to her room with the presumed intent of sparking up a relationship with said roommate.
If someone wanted to drive hours to get to my car, and then get inside to get things going with my glove box or something, by all means, do what you need, but clean up when you are done.
Not that this is going to allay AoTL’s fears…BUT…
Before a recent promotion, my husband was a detective. His specialty? Computer forensics. Just the stories he’s come home with before are enough to curdle my stomach; some of the ones he gets from workshops are enough to scare me into waking nightmares. We completely and utterly do NOT allow his kids into ANY teen chatrooms, period, and with damn good reason. (And incidentally, the kids have heard enough of Dad’s stories that the 15 year old couldn’t be dragged into one kicking and screaming.)
The thing about meeting someone over the Internet is that it’s faceless. On the positive side, if handled right, you can get to know an awful lot about a person, simply because you have to talk. (In fact, at the risk of sounding like a hypocrite here, that’s how my husband and I met; we were and are both dedicated RPGers and started talking when we were planning a group storyline in the forum we frequented.)
However, because the Internet IS faceless, people can and do represent themselves as anything they durn well like. And they do. I could write a novel the length of War and Peace with all the things I’ve heard people claim about themselves that I’ve later found out were untrue. And the sad thing is, the younger you are, the more likely you are to be taken in by their claims. (No, I’m not slamming teen/twentiers – I’ve just been there and done that.) This is particularly true if you yourself are a good person and aren’t misrepresenting yourself, sad to say.
Maybe the guy’s totally on the up and up. But you know what? Maybe he’s not. He could be a rapist, he could be a thief, he could have social diseases that AToL’s roommate knows nothing about. He could take or leave drugs in your room. The possibilities are endless. The point is, if you take the precautions and none of it’s true, you’re OK. Moreover, if he’s a decent Joe, he’s going to understand why you’re careful – it pays him to be careful, too. But if you DON’T take the precautions and he turns out to be a snake in the grass, you’re screwed. (Pun hopefully not applicable).
Furthermore, this guy is 28. WTF is he thinking about, going with an 18 year old freshly gone to college?? (That’s a rhetorical question, btw.) If she was out of college or even had a couple of years under her belt, that would be one thing, but she’s a downy duckling yet, particularly if she came from a home as sheltered as mine was. Sorry, my thoughts on this guy are none too sanguine.
AoTL, my heart goes out to you. I don’t know how successful you will be in keeping the guy out now that he’s gotten to stay, but I’d lay down the law from now on. Move if you have to. (You may even be able to get a single – I managed to swing one after a disastrous semester with the roommate from hell.) As was pointed out before, this room is your home away from home. You and your parents are paying good money for you to stay there, and you are well within your rights to keep people you do NOT know out of your room. If she can’t see that through her starry eyes and rose-colored glasses, that’s her problem – you worry about keeping YOU safe.
And good luck. You’ll need it.
gtzaskar00:[backpedaling like a coward]
[backpedaling like a coward]
Drop the patronizing attitude asshole. AoTL said exactly the same thing in the OP
You deliberately baited both her and yosemitebabe with your sophomoric claims that they were being “paranoid.”(your word) When people started pointing out how maliciously hurtful you were being, you didn’t apologise, you started this patronizing backpedal. You say you take rape seriously? Here’s a clue: Rape is more traumatic than paying too much for a fucking book.
Jesus I hate cowards like you. It’s one thing to hold an unpopular position, but to spout off shit like this, and then back off when people call you on it is childish. You were either wrong, or to stupid to read the OP. In either case you owe AToL an apology, not the patronizing implication that SHE was unclear.
I still think you are a dangerous, misogynistic freak.