We have a small office of 15 people. I am the only female. You would think that being a small office that people would be more careful not to annoy or be a pain in the ass. But not true in this office.
We have JEFF who refuses to make coffee the way everyone else makes it. (with one pack) He always uses 2 packs and makes the coffee mud. I have asked him to stop making coffee but he says “no” he likes it this way.
Then there is TIM who eats the same lunch everyday. Peanut Butter and cut up apples. He chews with his mouth open. I can hear him 5ft away as he smacks his mouth and sucks on his teeth. It is disgusting.
Then there is CHRIS who is married and hits on me every chance he can get. He is a manager and often asks to see me in his office where he then asks me stupid questions like "Do I have a zit on my face? " “Do you want to see this belly button tattoo someone sent me on the email” I have already discussed this creep in HE WANTS ME AS HIS MISTRESS HELP!
Then there is another TIM who has social anxiety and has phobias out the ying yang. He carries around his own thermos of water because he is afraid of the filtered water we drink at the office. He is also afraid of germs so he wipes down things a lot.
Then there is ROLANDO that wants to discuss every reality based program and how it is against what God wants for us. Today he infomred me that there is a school in NY that they are opening up to gay, bi and transvestites only. Then I get a sermon (He is mormon)
Then there is TOM who only discusses his rug rats and how cute they are. I hate when they come in the office because they are all over the place. They are NOT as smart as Tom pushes them off.
I could go on and on. Do you have pain in the ass coworkers? Do you just ignore them? Do you toy with them? AARRRRgh I can’t wait till 5 so I can leave this place.
Wacky characters are often the seeds from which grow wonderful movies like Office Space, etc. Write a screenplay. Egg your coworkers on for inspiration (except the harassment dude)–for example, tell phobia Tim (sniffling as if with a cold) that you had to use his phone while he was out.
GOD DAMN!!! I’m glad I’m not a 9-5er anymore. I could write a book about the weirdos I’ve had to put up with. I’m not sure if there is much you can do about it, I always just tried to be a negative pole to any positive pole they presented. So, just find something that repels each one of them and use it whenever necessary
Jeff: “It’s a good thing you like it that way, buy your own fucking pot and brew it the way you like. Leave the rest of us mortals with taste buds in peace, sludge-drinker.”
Tim: “You know, I really shouldn’t be able to tell when food drops out of your mouth, just by the sound.”
Chris: “First off, I’m not sure that you’re aware that I’ve been recording you for the past six months to build a case against you. So, once again, on the record… no, I will not sleep with you, and yes, it’s because your penis is small. Now piss right off before I slap you with a sexual harassment suit so hard it’ll knock your nuts off and seal the mason jar they fall in.”
Tim: “It’s life, you came into it covered in blood and other bodily fluids, so if you lived through that, filtered water won’t fucking kill you. Get over it.”
Rolando: “I’m not sure what gave you the impression that any of us gave a lark’s tit about what thoughts manage to squeeze out of that crevice you call a mind. Personally, I don’t recall the bible saying anything about ‘Holy is he who manages to irritate the living fuck out of his co-workers’, so lay off the judgement, asshat.”
Tom: “We’re all impressed that your dick works. Now get back to work.”
I’d make some comment about damned pain in the ass members who can’t read the forum descriptions, but I’m trying to avoid being called names these days.
My coworkers are so bad that I am quitting my job because of them. Seriously–because of them–or mostly because of them.
Some of them have toxic personalities and will jump at the chance to make false claims of abuse about other workers. (I work in a healthcare-related field.) Being accused of abuse is one of the worst things you can have happen to you if you are in the health field, and these people (well, some of them) will make false allegations just to spice up their lives. It’s very scary.
I am currently training to get into another healthcare-related field, and I have high hopes for it. If someone were to make false allegations about me at this current job, my future with this new healthcare field could be at risk. It’s not worth it.
Man, I don’t want to get my blood pressure up too high, so I will just mention ONE of the asshole bosses I had.
Every time I had to go to him with a question, the first thing out of his sarcastic mouth was, “What’s your problem boy?”. Needless to say, all of people working in his department were plotting a cruel and unusual death for this jerkoff.
But one day it happened, he walked into work with a big ol’ shiner. Apparently he had used his favorite expression on some dude in a bar and the dude answered him with a poke in the eye. There is a God after all
I used to work in Burger King and most people who worked there were cool, but there was this one really annoying guy. An example of his annoyingness was when I was sweeping the floor. Every few seconds he’d point out a bit I’d missed and make me clean it. I eventually grabbed his hat, threw it on the floor, yelled “pick THAT up!”. I also, on more the one occasion actually slapped him.
All of my coworkers have annoying qualities. The only thing that helps me cope is thinking about my own annoying qualities. For instance, I’m just so damn good-looking. I surely make people jealous when they look at me.
There is a guy who is 52 his name is BILL. Bill eats lunch at his desk everyday. He has the same routine of how he takes his lunch out of his bag and sets up his desk to eat. What drives me crazy is he scrapes his dishes as though he lives in Cambodia and hasn’t had a bite to eat in ages. He scrapes and digs and scrapes to et every last bite. He will do this for like 5 minutes.
I’m like “get over it the food is gone!”
I feel your pain. I work in an open cube area with all MALE engineers- Ugh! (No offense with the engineer comment, I’m married to one.)
Two of them sit 3 ft and 5 ft away from me. Every day it’s the same old shit:
Engineer # 1 (farking retire already):
Takes lunch out of brown bag. Annoyingly chew with mouth open. Slurp your soda. Chomp your apple like it’s the last thing you’re eating for a year. Pick nose, examine it, then eat it (I’m NOT kidding- he’s in his 60’s). Play solitaire for the ENTIRE lunch hour. “Click, click, click, click.”
Engineer #2 (do you REALLY think a Pepsi and M&M’s each morning for breakfast will help you lose that egg on toothpicks figure!?!):
Go to vending machine. Choose most foul smelling sandwich. Bring back to “cave”. Heat in microwave so entire cube area stinks. Play solitair for the ENTIRE lunch hour.:smack:
I cannot eat my lunch at my desk because I will vomit listening to them chomp, pick, fart, you name it.
I mean, for crying out loud!!! Can’t you guys eat your lunch out once in a while??? Get out of the plant!!! Get some sunshine!!! UGH!
Not a pretty sight for a pregnant woman (8 mos along).
I have 24 more days of work-- (maternity leave, then SAHM). NO, it’s not just pregnancy hormones making me intolerable of idiots. These guys are just social misfits!
Hope you enjoyed my rant! Sorry if it’s lame but it made me feel better!
My boss has a habit of letting gas rip when he gets up and goes from office to office. He never says “excuse me”
I don’t ever want to walk behind him…you never know when one will rip.
All these guys I work with are Engineers. What is it with Engineers?
I have worked with many engineers. I really do believe they all belong to the weirdos-r-us us club. Then there’s the software developers (includes myself). Many software developers (or as my electrical engineer buddy used to call us: sponge heads) are what I classify as insecure egomaniacs (now THERE’S a combination for you).
I had one colleague (software type) that was a PHD. PHDs are the worst by far, egos flying out the window types and SO afraid someone else might know something they don’t know. We had group meetings once a week to discuss technical issues and project status. EVERY TIME I brought up a technical issue, Mr. PHD would give me a condescending look and say, “Well what you said is OBVIOUS”, trying to make me feel stupid for even bringing up the subject. Within five minutes of his “obvious” retort, he would state to the group EXACTLY what I had said before and make it sound like he and only he had discovered something very profound and should be admired for his superior intelligence. HA!!! This guy was a riot. I almost punched his ass out a couple times though
My project leader had this habit, when he was concentrating on an issue like at a department meeting, he would stick his hand down the back of his pants then smell his fingers :eek:
OK, this one’s a woman! Hah!
This one WOMAN in my office can’t say anything less than 5 times.
"OK, should I fax this now? Reason I ask is, I need to go down to billing. I can do that later. So, billing now, or should I fax this? I need to do both before lunch. They’re on diffeent floors. Should I do the fax first, or…?r
Fine, would you like to hear about some obnoxious female coworkers?
I used to sit two cubes down from this one girl. VERY hot. I mean, I worked with her for three years, and still couldn’t get over how great her ass was. Unfortunately, she felt the need to broadcast her phone calls over the entire office. She would speak really loud the entire time she was on the phone, like the other person was deaf. And this counts personal calls.
“I can’t believe she’s still going out with him. I mean, GOD, what a loser!”
My secretary will not shut up. She keeps giving me advice and pearls of wisdom like she’s Baggar Vance or something. “Ya see…I mans grip on his mouse is kinda like his grip on his career…” What…the fuck??? Yes THANK YOU! I am already freakin familiar with such advanced business concepts like the three hole punch and calling someone one the telephone!
And stop telling me how much your work is piling up. Maybe it wouldn’t pile up so much if you could not give a ten minute explaination as to where the TPS reports are!
Oh and the worst:
“Where my book (report binder) at?!!”
“Where my book at?!!”
“Where my book at?!!”
“Where my book at?!!”
“Where my book at?!!”
“Where my book at?!!”
“Where my book at?!!”
“Where my book at?!!”
“Where my book at?!!”
“Where my book at?!!”
“Where my book at?!!”
“Where my book at?!!”
“Where my book at?!!”
“Where my book at?!!”
“Where my book at?!!”
“Where my book at?!!”
HEY SPECIAL ED!! GO ASK THE OTHER GUY! I TOLD YOU I DIDN"T TAKE YOUR BINDER!!
