Whether or not it will ever goes away is not a straight up yes-or-no answer. As you can see, it’s different for different people.
My first love was name Katie. We dated on and off for several years, and went through a lot during those years. We broke up for good, she totally ripped me apart, and there was a lot of bad stuff there. And yet, I still would dream about her and regret that things didn’t work out.
I thought of her regularly. Would hear about her from others. She had had a rough spot in her life and I wished I could have gone and pulled her out of it, but I couldn’t. She was, briefly, sleeping with a former close friend of mine, who I suspect she may have cheated me on with at some point, but never knew for sure. There was no reason for me to think about her, and yet I did.
Certain songs - certain BANDS - would bring the memories back. Certain times of year were harder than others.
I moved on, met someone else, got married. But the dreams remained. Katie got married, eventually, and although it kind of saddened me a bit, the good news was that, since I had no idea who she married, she was dead to me now. I couldn’t look her up on Google if I wanted to. The dreams remained, but not quite as much.
Then, in August of 99, I’m sitting at work, check my email, and there’s a note from her. She had found me. I now knew her last name. She pointed me to her husband’s website, where there were photos of them and their kid. I literally felt like I’d been punched in the gut. I left work early that day because I was so messed up. I wrote back and said hi, but when she responded and asked if it would be okay if she called me, I told her no, that was probably not a good idea. I never heard from her again and didn’t try to.
There are certain things I’ve had to come to terms with. I am not in love with her anymore - I don’t even know her anymore. But she is connected to a certain point in my life that holds a lot of meaning for me. She’s a part of me, and I have to respect that, but I don’t have to dwell on it. I now know that when I dream of her, I’m not really dreaming about her, it’s a whole other issue.
She was my first love and no, you don’t forget that. There’ll always be a little room in my heart that I keep furnished for her. And there may always be a little twinge of regreat, a little wondering about what could have been. But that doesn’t have to interfere with you moving along and metting someone else. And no, it doesn’t make that new person any less special if she doesn’t completely obliterate any thought about that one from the past.
