Parenting Etiquette-It's not my place to advise, however..

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

It only gets worse from here. If just interacting with the child is hard, she’s going to lose it when he starts to run around and she’s on suicide watch 24/7.

Encourage her to start looking for daycare, or at least a local playgroup. No adult can keep up with a toddler, they need other kids, and daycare is a great place to find them. Even if she doesn’t start to work again right away, she needs a break to fully recover from her depression.

Tell her husband that you think she needs a chance to just rest a few hours every week, and you think the socialization and stimulation would be great for him. Because it really would be.

But always put things in terms of advocating for her. Don’t make her feel like a bad Mom. I suspect your disapproval is already showing in small ways, and she may be avoiding the books out of a need to be "right. " Making her feel “wrong” about motherhood will never be in the child’s best interests.

22

Omg, you are right. I AM the grandparent, I am behaving exactly like a grandparent! Except that i refuse to buy him candy or any toy requiring a battery.

The dad does not have any other kids, surprisingly, given he was was previously married for 18 yrs.

We are all in our 40’s, she is still in her 20’s.

We didn’t see them yesterday and had a chance to recharge, thank god. My husband was at the end of his rope. We both were. Today we spent the afternoon and evening with them, and i tell you, its so nice to come back to our silent apartment.

I am a HUGE advocate fo reading to your child. Sure, they don’t sit still longer than a few minutes at this age, but that’s all you need. If it’s repetitive enough they pick up on it. Words, actions, songs, repeat it enough and they will learn. And that’s what it’s all about. It isn’t always fun for the adult, but it’s necessary for the child.

I loved reading to my kids. I remember reading charlottes web when they were a little older–they were both able to read at that point–i was crying so bad that my daughter had to take over and continue reading for me. What a memory.

She gets breaks. I watch the boy if she needs a nap, or whatever, during the week. We spend most days together. On the weekends and in the evenings she delegates most of the responsibities to the dad.

You are correct that if I push any harder I will alienate myself. My husband, when asked, said I sounded like a broken record. I find myself bouncing back and forth between trying to be just a friend(who really shouldn’t be so involved with the child) to being too involved. I need to find a balance. I just don’t know where that is.
Mundane pointless stuff i must share indeed.

23

I am not a parent. Your concern is noble.

No one seems to want to say this but this is really none of your business unless this couple are good friends. You’ve said repeatedly that the child is healthy and tended to. Leave it alone.

My sisters are parents and 25 years ago, when their kids were in the infant and toddler range, they took umbrage when anyone questioned their parenting skills. I sure learned to keep my opinions to myself. And that was my own family.

24

Honestly, I am a parent of two, and I’m not necessarily disturbed by what is described in the OP. Unless you’re hanging out with this parent 24 hours a day, you don’t really know what’s going on. I generally let my kids do their own thing (they’re 3 and 1). Sure, I do interact with them, read them stories at night, take them out occasionally to the park or whatnot to play, but it’s not like I’m interacting with them constantly or anything like that. Hell, I don’t remember my parents playing with me much when I was a kid, and I didn’t think anything of it. But maybe I’m a bad father, who knows. I don’t feel like I am. I personally find most parents parenting styles overbearing. I’d say it’s none of your business, especially if the kid is otherwise being well taken care of, which it sounds like he is.

It’s possible there’s things you’re leaving out in the “there’s SO much more to this” part, but, from what you’ve written in the OP, I personally have no concern.

25

If one takes into account that the OP doesn’t like how the parents got together in the first place (no other pertinent reason to mention it), one could see how the mom’s set up to be a person who makes wrong choices.

26

Hate to say it, but it’s none of your business. Yeah, I know it’s hard, and it sucks, but it’s the truth.

It sounds to me like the kid would really do well in daycare. Children don’t just need interaction with their caregivers, they also need interaction with their peers. A good daycare will also model good parenting skills. (So will things like library storytimes, by the way.)

27

Are there local mother-and-baby groups, or a local Sure Start centre (assuming there are any still functioning)? You could just introduce the idea.

28

I mentioned it, but didn’t go into the details. I have no issue with how they got together, and I certainly don’t think less of her for that, at all. Either of them. He was in a dead marriage. Like a really bad marriage(though I only have his side of the story), and what happened was somewhat inevitable. However, a relationship that starts from an affair can have rocky bits, and theirs certainly did-not going to air that dirty laundry-and I think had they not had a kid they wouldn’t have stayed together.

We live in the same building. As in, when the baby cries I can hear him in our apartment, close. We are very good friends. I see her for a few hours every day, many times more than once. Most evening we all go for a walk together, or to the pub so the boys can play darts.

So yes, very much involved.

I’m going to take the advice that I just keep doing what I’m doing, without the advice and the stories about my own child rearing days. I will continue to behave with the child as I always have. When I get frustrated I will take a break.

I needed some perspective on this, so thanks everyone for the responses and advice. It has helped me tremendously.

29

I applaud you for your efforts OP. If more folk in the world were like you and willing to step up when new mums were struggling, then maybe the world might be a better place.

Thanks, on behalf of the mum who doesn’t yet know how much you are helping. :slight_smile: