So… our 10 year old daughter came home from school today, went to the bathroom, and I erroneously accused her of not washing her hands properly (the soap was dry when I checked some 10 mins later.) She told us that she had in fact washed her hands - and when her mom checked, her hands did smell like soap. Her mom believed her… but for some reason, I couldn’t get past the idea of the soap not being wet. So I told her mom that she must have washed her hands some other time (maybe sometime after in the kitchen?)
Anyhow, I wet the soap myself and sure enough, after 3-4 mins it was pretty much dry. While our daughter has lied to us in the past (who hasn’t lied to their parents?) I truly don’t think she lies that much.
I REALLY dislike falsely accusing her of anything. At the same time, I don’t want her to think that she can get away with lying to us (even though she probably has once in awhile.) Her telling the truth to us has never really been a problem - but she has lied occasionally - typically when she doesn’t want to get into trouble.
Well, when I found out that the soap could dry in a few minutes, I went upstairs, put my arms around her and told her I was really, really sorry for falsely accusing her of not properly attending to her hygiene. I told her that I believed her and that I felt bad about my mistake. While it may be a little difficult for my own ego - it’s absolutely essential that I: a. vindicate her by explaining that I was wrong; b. apologize to her for my mistake; c. show her by example that it’s ok to make a mistake, but it’s important to clear the air as soon as the error is discovered.
Falsely accusing my kid of anything is, to me, the most difficult part of parenting.
My question is this. How do you (Doper parents) deal with those sometimes ambiguous situations - ones where you can’t prove or disprove whether they are lying, but for some reason, in your gut you feel suspicious?
I want to trust and believe her. Am I looking at this from the wrong perspective? I have a nagging suspicion that my problem lies in the area of “…not wanting her to think that she can get away with lying to us”, but I’m not sure.
Is there a “best practice” means for dealing with this? I really want to act in the best interest of the child - I want to build her self-esteem and also the trust between us.
Thanks for any advice or shared experience you have in this area.
-NobleBaron