When I first read this, I was :eek:!!! Then I realized the poster was not talking about with each other.:smack:
I want my daughter to have sex when she is ready. Ideally I want it to be before she is married, and I want her to live with the person she wants to marry for at least a year before they get married.
My rule of thumb is that if a person is mature enough to go to a drugstore and buy a condom without being embarrassed then they are ready to have sex. I will support her when she wants to go on the pill and if she hasn’t mentioned it before, say, 16 I will bring it up. I want to raise her to make up her own mind about things and not get pressured into doing something she is not ready to do. It is up to her when that will be. Since she is 9 months old, I don’t have to worry about it for a while.
As for gender, it will be the same, well minus that pill part.
Do you want her to live with her husband-to-be for a year without having sex?
I doubt it, since she says she wants them to have sex before they are married.
:smack: Read it wrong.
I’m a 30-year-old married father-to-be and I still get embarrassed when I buy condoms.
If I found out my son (16+) was having sex, I’d give him the “be safe, don’t get anyone pregnant, don’t get a disease, do it out of love” talk and then tell him to get a beer (and get me one, too) and then we’d have a man-to-man talk about life.
If I found out my daughter was having sex…I’d lock her in her room and never let her out anywhere. Any boy who came near her would be leaving with missing body parts. Call me naive if you want, tell me I have double standards if you want, I don’t give a shit. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Maybe.
See, when I was in high school, I’d walk in to wallgreens and buy condoms and I was like “fuck yeah. I rock.”
Now, it’s like “Jesus, can we just get this over with?”
I don’t think embarrassment is really a great judge of maturity…
It is interesting that I just found this thread because I was thinking of this very thing this morning. When my now adult son turned 16, I gifted him a huge box of condoms with the speech that if he is having sex he needs to use them. I had no problem with his high school girlfriend spending the night and I don’t know if they were having sex or not. I do know that they were protected if they did.
However, I have a daughter who is now 11. The thought of HER having sex at 16 horrifies me. I always thought I was open minded and not gender biased but it appears I may be wrong about myself. I will offer her birth control at the same age with the same talk but I feel like it is going to be a lot harder and I don’t think I will shrug off the spending the night thing when it is a boy climbing in bed with my daughter rather than the other way around.
That’s the old adage about girls vs. boys: when you have a boy you only have to worry about 1 dick; when you have a girl, you have to worry about ALL of 'em.
Here’s my stated outward action on any and all future offspring having sex:
Don’t get pregnant early, or get anyone else pregnant, and don’t get a disease.
What I feel, I believe, is irrelevent. I hate overbearing parents and have resolved not to be one, no matter what. If my daughter is attending orgies, my answer would be the same, “take the pill and don’t get a disease”. It is not my life but theirs, and not my business except when it interferes with my life or his/her well-being. No matter how disgusted I get, even if I catch them fucking in the house, I have an iron-clad will that tells myself to be self-restraining, and that no matter what except safety is concerned, I will not interfere.
It is not my life, it is not my place. I may be the parent, but I don’t control their sexuality.
All three of my kids lived with their eventual mates for at least a year before they were married and I just accepted it. I have reason for thinking my daughter had a full and rich sex life from the time she went off to college, but we never asked and she didn’t volunteer. Both sons could well have been virgins before they met their wives-to-be. Again, we didn’t ask and they didn’t tell.
With a username like that, your post is disheartening.
I had a job when I was a teenager working in a place like that, right? People always used to tell me to not even worry about because the clerk wouldn’t even notice what you were buying. WRONG. I always noticed when someone bought condoms…always. Most people drew attention to themselves by trying to hide their condoms under other things they were buying.
In other words: buying condoms is embarrassing.
I always wonder what people who say this plan on doing when the father of the girl their son has sex with has the same attitude about his daughter.
I’d probably have a beer with him, too.
It was always a smug, “yeah, I’m gettin me some, take notice,” type of deal when I was in high school.
Now it’s just another errand to be run, like picking up milk at the store. If you’re especially embarrassed about it, U-scan at Kroger or Wal-mart.
In my experience, most parents have an unspoken “don’t ask, don’t tell,” policy.
It’s not that they don’t care – they do. It’s that they really, really don’t want to know.
One of my high school exs father would joke about sex with me, and I found it… Creepy, to say the least.
My kid’s almost 15, and he’s had girlfriends for the last year or so, although now he boards at an all male Catholic school which I believe cuts out the opportunity for sleepovers…
I have have always been terribly open about sex and sexuality with him - I’ve tried to give him the grounding that sex is normal, natural and good. Those same conversations include respect for your partner, protection, and making sure it’s something that he wants, not something he feels like he should do and that his partner feels the same. We’ve talked about no meaning no, birth control, and, much to his embarrassment, we’ve put condoms on bananas to practice. (That got silly, but at least he’s had one in his hands before the Big Moment.) We’ve talked about the wreck your life can be from an unwanted pregnancy or disease.
Is he sexually active? I have no idea, and don’t really want one. He’s interested, which I know from the amount of Ralph magazines and his excessive tissue usage, but I have no idea if he’s done anything for real yet.
But I’ve given him the tools, so I think he’ll be ok. I don’t want or need to know the details, but I take comfort in knowing I’ve given him as much good knowledge as I can.
No girls for me, but I’d hope I’d feel the same way.