This question suggested by something President Obama said today about trying not to let his two young daughters see him cry. I’m aiming the question specifically at people who are the parent or guardians of children under the age of 14 (or who have been in the past).
If you are moved to great sadness in the presence of such a child, do you try not to cry in front of him? If yes, why? If not, why not?
I would try not to, because I think it is frightening for a young child to see parents crying. But I think it’s fine to show emotion, including sadness, about something the child can understand. Crying is just too intense.
Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. I agree that seeing a parent cry can be frightening for children. On the other hand, seeing a parent cry, then seeing them stop crying and stand up and deal with whatever the stressor was is a good lesson.
So if my tears are because of something that I can do something about, I’m more likely to let my children see them and then let them know how I’m going to solve my problem. If they’re just because I’m depressed and life sucks, I’m more likely to go to my room and close the door.
It depends on why I’m crying. I cry when I’m frustrated or mad. I hate it and I don’t want my children to model that behavior, so I try very hard not to do it in front of them and, if I do, I try to get myself under control quickly or leave the room. However, if I’m crying because I’m sad, as long as I’m not to the point where I’m wailing in grief or something, yeah I’ll cry in front of them.
I don’t want them to think of crying as shameful, but I don’t want them to overdo it.
It’d be nice if I could just stop crying when I’m mad. I try every time, and it just doesn’t work. Pisses me off.
When my son was young, I did exactly what WhyNot said and for exactly the same reasons.
I’ll often cry to beautiful sights, or intense music-don’t see why (if I did have kids) that should be any sort of problem.
Depends on why I’m crying. If I’m crying because of, say, a fight with MrPanda (this hasn’t happened in YEARS), chances are I’d hide it from my daughter.
I cried pretty much all of 2011 after my mom died; PandaKid certainly saw it. I saw no reason to hide it, really – it didn’t freak her out or anything and now hopefully she’ll be comfortable around other grieving people in the future.
I am not a parent, but neither of mine cried in front of me until my grandfather died at which I would have been roughly 13. And come to think of it, I cannot off hand think of them crying at any other non funeral times in front of me and that’s with my mother like myself suffering from occasional depression.
Assuming my parents are not super human it would seem they have certainly made this effort.
If they could all be as clever and caring and proactive as this little kid, it would be worth it!
That scene from Latcho Drom featuring Taraf de Haïdouks was what the OP immediately brought to my mind.
Like so many have said, it depends.
My son is almost exactly the same age as Malia. He has seen me cry plenty, especially in the years since my father died (2008). He’s also seen me cry for joy, like a rescue dog I’ve worked with for months finally being adopted. I think it’s good for kids to see their parents emotions. I think it might be especially good for kids to see their dads cry sometimes, too. Crying is a sign you care about something. Caring is good. Of course, some people totally cry at the drop of a hat and that’s not good.
A couple weeks ago, I was so upset with my son for failing to do school work and lying to me (again!) about it that I started crying in frustration. He was so taken aback at my crying that his attitude totally changed. I don’t know I guess, talking calmly was “it’s not that big a deal”, yelling was just “mom being mean” but crying was “holy crap, she’s really upset” or something.
Many years back, I slipped on ice and fell in front of my children. I pulled some muscles and had a few nasty bruises. I made no attempt to hide my tears. I did, however, heavily censor what I wanted to say!
Okay, not a parent, but have been thrust into living with his sister and guy, and 4 nieces, and a grandma for about a year.
Yes we have cried. I do not see anything wrong with it as long as there is something to cry about. I do not have hard facts but I have probably cried twice, their mom and dad prob. about 6, gradma…hell she keeps it hidden. You cry for sadness, not for useless things. You cry when a friend dies, you cry when when you are a hormonal teen and you just got dumped, if I see you crying because you didn’t get what you want, be assured, you will never, EVER, get it. Well unless you ask nicely.
Pity me I am crazy.
No way, no how.
I’m a father and I’ll never cry in front of my boys, and the only thing that could possibly induce me to do so would be the death of a loved one. Even then I think I’d try to cry somewhere they couldn’t see me.
This isn’t due to bullshit machismo - anyone that knows me knows that I’m very warm and gentle rather than dour and forbidding, and I have no problems expressing joy, sadness or pride in front of them - but as a father it’s my job to be their rock. I have to be the strength in their lives and the ground beneath their feet. So no crying, ever.
Balmain boys don’t cry.
I don’t think I’ve ever cried at all as an adult. So no.
Although, there was one occasion a couple of years back when my kids were watching some old home-made VHS tapes and my now departed dad appeared in one of them. Tears welled up in my eyes and my son kinda rubbed my back.