Guys, meaning men. I think it’s safe to say that women being more comfortable with crying in front of their SO, is the norm. It seems like there are only a few situations that are seen as being acceptable for men to cry in. The death of a loved one (pets included), welcoming a child home after having gone to war, and possibly weddings, seem to be occasions where it is generally accepted for men to shed a tear or two. I’m sure there are a few more, but I can’t think of any others ATM.
I’m not saying that I agree with the stigma associated with male crying, I’m just observing a trend.
So, have you guys cried in front of the SO? If so, what was the cause? If you haven’t what might cause you to cry in front of them? Do some people see male crying in front of their SOs to be a sign of weakness?
I had a GF that broke up with me rather unexpectedly. There were tears, but no sobbing or weeping. I don’t think I’d have a problem if it happened again, although I would make a concerted effort to remain stoic.
My husband has cried in front of me on 5 occasions. First and second was after each of my miscarriages, once was after him not coming home one night (long story), fourth was after we put our dog down, and the last was after the death of my grandfather. He actually cried more than once, but because of the same reason.
I don’t look at it as a sign of weakness. To me, a man is most secure when he shows his emotions.
I have a good (male) friend who cried in front of me not all that long ago. He is from Peru and this was just after learning of the earthquakes in Lima, his home town. He was scared for his family, who turned out to be all okay.
I think one of my most painful memories was seeing my grandfather cry. My grandmother (who raised me) passed away and we were leaving the hospital. He stopped as we were leaving, right at the threshold of the doorway, turned and said “I can’t leave her here” Ugh. Not once did I think him weak.
My husband’s cried three times in front of me: at our wedding, at his father’s funeral, and during the last Lord of the Rings :rolleyes:. I have no absolutely no problem with any crying in front of me, but I did tease him just a little for the movie one.
I figure that if I can’t cry in front of my wife, who can I cry in front of? That is part of the whole reason I married her in the first place. She was someone I felt so comfortable with that I could really be myself, my entire exposed self, to her and she would still love me.
So yes, I’ve cried in front of her. Not a lot, but more times than I can remember.
Background: my girlfriend volunteers for a dog rescue group, fostering dogs that’d otherwise be euthanized. She had one foster that was a spitting image for the dog I’d had as a boy, except he was a fear biter: not especially mean or aggressive, but if he felt threatened he’d snap at you; not enough to do serious damage, but enough to make you go away.
Anyhow, it was Friday night and I’d had a really bad week. I really wanted this dog to be my friend, so I was sitting on the kitchen floor very slowly trying to pet the guy. When I finally got close enough, he snapped at my finger, hard enough to break the skin. I just lost it and curled up on her floor, bawling my eyes out. When my girlfriend came in, all I could say was, “I just want him to love me!”
Happy ending: after a couple weeks, not only did the dog grow to love me, but I became his best friend. The little guy followed me everywhere and played with me all the time. Man, he was a tough one to let go, but he’s in a good home now.
I couldn’t begin to number the times my husband’s cried in front of me. The birth of our child, the death of his sister’s dog, most of the episodes of Scrubs…he cries a lot. But he doesn’t cry in company, only if he’s alone or I’m there. It makes me wonder how in the hell he stops the tears the rest of the time - I mean, he must have the urge to cry just as often, but if someone 'sides me is there he stops it somehow. How does that work? I’ve never been able to stifle tears.
Hijack- is it true that men have fewer tear ducts than women and produce fewer tears per crying session? I read that once, but I don’t know the Straight Dope.
Ivylad has cried several times, mostly over the death of pets. The two that stand out for me is when he woke up at home the first morning after his major back surgery. I saw his bandage was bloody, which meant we had to go to the ER immediately. He sat on the bed and cried from sheer weariness of the pain and stress of having to go through it again. He did end up having another operation to better seal up the incision.
Then, when his sister called to say his father had finally succumbed to cancer, he swallowed hard and started packing. I went to go make some phone calls and came back to see him sobbing. The suitcase had fallen shut on his finger and I guess that was the trigger that broke the dam.
No. Well not much. We did have a teary session when the last pooch got put down, but for some weird reason I didn’t cry when my Dad died. Hmmmm… I’m suddenly introspective about this…
My husband has cried in front of me on a large number of occasions. Some, like a miscarriage, are legit. Others, like the death of Aunt March (not even Beth!) in the Winona Ryder “Little Women” are not so legit.
I’ve cried twice in front of my wife if you count phone conversations. Once I don’t want to say why, the second time when I found out a friend had been killed in Iraq.
It seems like the only time I can cry is in front of an SO, or at least a female friend that I’m close to. Breakups, when it took a friend at Virginia Tech overnight to get back to me after that shooting, that sort of thing.
Pretty much during a breakup. It wasn’t even at the end. The girl had cried wolf a few times and brought out the emotions, so when everything actually went through, I didn’t cry. She asked why I didn’t, and I responded that I was all “cried out”. Before that…um.
Of six lovers, only one has cried in front of me, and he couldn’t articulate why he was crying. He said he didn’t know, and there weren’t any circumstances that I knew of that would trigger it. He was very messed up due to emotional abuse from his dad. I ended up breaking up with him after dating only six weeks, primarily because I realized that if I stayed with him, I’d end up being his mother as well as his girlfriend.
A friend and coworker cried in front of me once, out of frustration. He’d been working with one of his students, a seventh grade girl with some severe emotional problems (undiagnosed bipolar disorder among them), and he’d made some real progress with her. Then, all of a sudden, she lashed out at him and said some truly awful things (much worse than she realized). He was telling me about it and teared up. I was sympathetic as hell and did my best to get him to understand that she’d lashed out at him because he’d earned her trust. She knew he was safe.
For the two years we worked together I had tremendous respect for his as a teacher and a human being. Oh, if that man had been single, he wouldn’t have known what hit him. However, he was, so I kept my little girly crush all to myself.
I have never seen my father cry. I haven’t seen either of my brothers cry since they were children. I can only think if any of them did, I would just about fall apart, because whatever might cause it would be so bad.
My wife and I hadn’t been married very long when my mother called to tell me that our family dog had died. I burst into tears and she was totally shocked.
I also cried in front of her when our daughter was born, when my mother died and a few other times.
I’ve had two serious boyfriends, both of which cried in front of me at some point. The first guy cried every freaking day, over everything. He was very emotionally immature. It was a huge turnoff.
My current husband has cried maybe 7 times in the six years we’ve had a relationship, all of the reasons too personal to recount here, and every time it was like being punched in the stomach. No, I don’t see it as a sign as weakness. It IS a sign of vulnerability, though, the willingness to be vulnerable with the person you love and trust. As painful as it is, it sure wakes you up fast to the reality of how you impact your lover’s life. It’s scary how vulnerable we are with the people we love the most. Fucking terrifying. So if anything, he is courageous.
Lover?
So far two women have used that term here. I find that term to be rather odd, maybe it’s proprietary woman speak. When I see the term lover in a context such as we are talking about, I think “guy that fucks a girl, and manages to still appear caring”.
I’m not like that at all, but I’ve been called “lover”, and it sounded just as dirty then as it does now.
Relationships should not be defined by, nor based on fucking. Yeah, that was crude, but nothing new comes from keeping things the same.
My girlfriend moved in with me, and brought her cat, which I loved. Soon after, the cat developed an inexplicable illness and we had to have him put down. It was the most emotionally horrible thing I’ve ever had to do. Way worse than any of my grandparents passing. I cried until I was dry,and I hope to never have to do something like that again.
Not once did I think him weak.