I have no kids, either, so you can toss my opinion aside if you want to but…the way I see it people are gonna have sex whether you want them to or not. Or they WON’T have sex. But if they don’t then it probably won’t be because of anything the parent said. People have these urges. To me what you SHOULD do is try to educate your kid as much as you can on what having sex can mean and then see how well your advice helps him or her (or not). Education is the key. Beyond that there’s only so much one can do. The idea that I wholeheartedly DISagree with is the one of “if I don’t bring it up then my kid won’t have sex!” Yeah, right. Good luck with that…
D and E seem self-contraditory to me. If I was told to be discreet and not let my parents know about my sex life, then why in the world would I feel comfortable talking to them about the problems I’m having? “LALALALALALAIDON’TWANNAKNOW…” does not seem terribly conducive to thinking your parents will listen without judgement.
Good questions. I’m raising my children with a religious framework, so they understand and accept the religious reasons they have been given. However, those reasons are not always enough against teenage reason and desires, hence the physical and emotional reasons I give them, as well. The emotional reasons, though, aren’t my emotions. I think, perhaps, a better word would be psychological reasons, as in the general emotions related to a sexual relationship.
I think that my older child will obey me, at least through high school. She is fairly strongly rooted in her faith and understands all the reasons for why waiting is better for her. My younger child is more likely to not obey me. He is more headstrong and believes that he knows better than I what is best for him. But he understands the value of family, so I’ll have to wait and see. He’s still young enough that dating isn’t part of his social life yet, but it will be soon enough.
I don’t intend to punish either child if they choose to have sex before marriage. But I also won’t rescue them from any negative consequences, either. Mind you, rescuing them is different from helping them. I won’t turn them out onto the streets, but I won’t bail them out, either. If one of them makes me a grandmother sooner than I would like, I will be a grandmother, and a very good one, at that. I won’t take in the baby and become a mother to that child unless very dire circumstances dictate that necessity. I’m working from the angle that by demystifying sex and being willing to answer their questions and talk about it openly, I will make it less enticing for them to explore on their own, which is how, imo, a lot of the “abstinence only” children manage to find themselves in over their heads.
I know that I what I want for them is the ideal, and it hinges on their wanting the same for themselves. That’s not always the case. I didn’t wait until marriage, though I have only been with one man (who became and still is my husband, their father), and I haven’t shared that tidbit with my children. I know that what I am asking of them is challenging. I think what I am hoping for most is that they understand that a sexual relationship is precious and intimate, that sharing that much of yourself with another person makes you vulnerable and connects you at the deepest levels. So, if they manage to avoid casual sex, friends with benefits, one-night stands, and find a special someone who makes them feel special and safe and loved and cherished, and they feel that way about that someone, then that’s really what I’m wanting for them.