Parents: how do you handle the "gimmies"?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

The three year old just got the first of the Christmas toy catalogs in the mail. Her father, thinking it’d be a great way to find out what she’d like for Christmas, gave it to her to look through. Of course, she wants every single item, from the $20 doll to the $300 walk through kitchen to the miniature golf course to the battery powered ride-in Escalade. :rolleyes:

Yeah.

So far I’ve tried, "Well, let’s pick *two *things you really like and we’ll write a letter to Santa. You can imagine how well that went over. Then, sweet hippie mama that I am, I tried, “Hey, let’s look through here and make believe what we’d get for *other *people if we could!” No dice. “We can’t afford to get you everything kiddo.” “That kitchen is huge - where would we put it?” (She actually suggested we get rid of her big brother’s bed to make room.)

How have you handled the little Veruca Salt in your life?

2

Honestly, that’s just completely normal three-year-old behavior. Luckily, at that age, they aren’t just greedy, they’re distractable. I wouldn’t consult her about her Christmas wishes, and I certainly wouldn’t let her get her hands on any catalogs. She’ll be happy with what she gets under the tree, and play with the boxes after breaking the toys, just like any other toddler.

Sensible girl, by the way – suggesting replacing her big brother’s bed to make room for her stuff is genius!

A more thoughtful approach to presents needs to wait until she’s a couple of years older.

And now, I’m off to check out that battery-powered ride-in Escalade!

3

Simple, given the current events, now’s a great time to teach her about Democracy.

Contrary to popular belief, this actually works very well in the household. And especially well between children and parents.

You tell her, we’re gonna have a vote, just like we do in America!

Vote on every toy, and tell her, since you’re the mommy, you have a larger representation in the electoral college than she does, so your ‘no’ beats her ‘yes’, every time.

God bless America! And Merry Christmas.

ETA: If she wines about this, scream at her, “WHY DO YOU HATE OBAMA?!”

4

Pretty much as Mr Wonka did. “She can’t have one”. It needs to be repeated quite a bit before it starts to sink in.

5

My son is five and he does the same thing with the “wish books”, as we call them. If I have him circle stuff, he circles everything. He also wants some battery powered car. But the one he circled is closer to $600. Heck my first two cars were only $500 each!

In the end he is happy to dream, and knows he will get one or two things from us. And one thing from Santa.

Our trouble when he was that age, and still a little now, is that he thinks he can get something every time we hit a store! He has been such an easy child, and rather well behaved, but even he had a melt down over a 2 dollar tractor in a store one day.
I just wisked him right out of there. Shopping was over!

Just stick to your guns, she will get it. :slight_smile:

6

Get her a pony - she’ll forget all about those toys she didn’t get.

StG

7

Don’t let her see catalogs or TV commercials. Really, that is the best way to limit this stuff. Whenever Chloe gets to watch TV with commercials coughhusbandcough, she MUST HAVE every item she sees. Seriously, I recently bought her some Aquaglobes because they were discounted and she adores the commercial so much and has begged for them most of the year.

As for the remaining begging, due to friends having things or the semi-commercials on Disney Channel or whatnot, I just tell her, “We’ll put it on your list.” Without constant reminding, she forgets what she was asking for anyway, and the list answer keeps her content until that happens. And I do try to remember to put things on the list.

For begging at the store, I finally tried giving her an allowance, and refusing to buy her anything with my money thereafter. It kind of worked, but I had to schedule an extra 45 minutes for each shopping trip to allow her time to agonize about how to spend $2.

8

I usually avoid the Christmas catalogs completely–but kids still have a major wants list once they hit the elementary.

My kids have been taught from day one that they will not receive an inordinate amount of presents from me. I buy them each 2-3 things that they like, and that’s it. They get so much from the rest of the family–that it seems wasteful to pile on even more. They have learned to be grateful for what they get. If they aren’t, I have taken their gifts right back. This doesn’t have to happen very often before they get the idea.

Having my children learn the lesson of being grateful and not greedy is way more important to me than their immediate happiness.

When I take my children with me to the store, they know not to ask for anything. We aren’t there to shop for just anything–we have specific items to get, and that’s it. They still ask from time to time, and the answer is always a simple “no”.

I never, ever buy them something extra at the store when they are with me (I do however bring them goodies from time to time when I’ve been to the store without them).

As soon as you do this once, they are going to expect it to happen every time. When it doesn’t, then of course they are going to be upset about it. I cringe every time I see a parent who gives in to the child who is throwing a fit in the store so they don’t have to deal with the screaming and crying.

As with everything in parenting–consistency is the key. I have kids ages 9, 7, and 4–and I can honestly say that none of them have thrown a fit in the store since my son (the oldest) did when he was around 2.5. I decided right then and there that it wasn’t going to happen again.

I’m sure I come off sounding like a jerk of some sorts–but that is far from the truth. I have tons of fun shopping with my kids. We can have lots of fun because I don’t have to worry about them begging for everything they see. Christmas is a blast too, because they are genuinely thankful for the presents they get.

Each year we also sit down as a family and choose another family that we know that is less fortunate to give gifts to. Each year the amount of money we spend on each other has decreased–as we have enjoyed spending that money on our special family more and more. We give them a monetary gift, and the kids pick out or make their own gifts for any children involved.

This has been a very positive lesson for all of us, and we have all learned to be more giving and less greedy through the process. Last year my 7 year old offered to give up all of her own gifts for the other family, because she “had enough toys to last forever”. I told her that was unneccesary, of course, but I was so proud.

I’m far from the world’s greatest parent, but I do feel like this is an issue that I’ve had a lot of success with.

Good luck!

9

This worked for my kids at that age. They’re not much different from adults who look at catalogs. We see stuff we want and it’s fun to think about having it, and then we turn the page. Ooh, shiny!

When they get older and are less distractable, they’ll know they can’t have everything they want.

The less attention paid the better. If they see that you’re giving any real thought to their gimmies, you’re in trouble.

10

I’m the parent, you’re the kid; you’re not getting it.

11

I simply tell mine (almost five) we’ll see what Christmas/Birthday (same day) brings. He usually forgets what he was asking for, and often he’ll ask for stuff he already has (But I don’t have THAT one! he always tells me when I point that out).

I try to pay attention to what he consistently asks for or I hear he played with lots at dayhome/kindergarten or an addition to stuff he currently plays lots with (tinker toys, lego, train set, playdoh… that kind of thing).

He knows he doesn’t get everything. He can ask, but I won’t say yes to it all and a meltdown makes me LESS likely to say yes.

12

Somewhere around the same age (she might have been a bit older) my youngest told me, “I want every Christmas thing that’s on TV.” We laughed a bit when she said it, didn’t take it seriously,(oh, you do, huh?) and went on doing what we always do. She got a couple things from us, one from Santa plus stocking, and was fine. I wouldn’t make a big deal of it. She’ll learn more from the way you do things for the whole season, and the ones in upcoming years. It’s just the way they are at that age.

13

I find a simple “no” suffices. Three year olds are like terrorists: you don’t attempt to placate, ameliorate, negotiate or bargain with them. Giving in is seen as a sign of weakness: concede once and they’ve found your weakness, and the attacks will only escalate. The War On Toddlers requires ceaseless vigilance and little mercy.

14

Isn’t this why we invented Santa? “Well honey, I guess it’s up to Santa and how good he thinks you’ve been.”

15

Tell her that the way Christmas works is that there is an unknown maximum number of gifts allocated to each child. If you inadvertently exceed your maximum, on Christmas Eve all your gifts are transformed into ashes or dog turds or overripe vegetables or sand. If she gets too greedy this year give her piles of ashes, dog turds, mushy vegetables and sand. You won’t have to remind her of the effects of being greedy next year or ever again.

16

I did the “birthday” list with the Bigger Girl this year, for her fifth birthday. You like that? Ok, we’ll put it on your birthday list.

We’d be out shopping and going down the lolly isle would be “I want that on my birthday list and that and that and that and that on my birthday list…” all the way to the end.

It took her a surprising amount of time to figure out that I wasn’t actually bothering to write anything down!

She also didn’t notice that I completely ignored the birthday list (when she finally coerced me into making one) and just got her something I thought she’d like. Which she did, I should add!

17

Our household mantra as Christmas approaches is: “It’s a wish list, not an order form.”

We usually get each of our boys four presents for Christmas. Though we don’t strictly stick to it, we use the saying “something you want, something you need, a game to play, and something to read” as a rough guideline. My husband is from a big family and with lots of niecephews, we adults have agreed that it’s often good to get together and have several aunts and uncles give one really special present (say, a racing sled) as a group, rather than insisting that the kids have to get one present from each family. This doesn’t mean the kids don’t go through the gimmies, because it’s just a normal part of growing up. It does mean that the gimmies don’t get them very far.

18

Mostly I just need something to shut her up in the moment, I guess. She’ll keep with the, “But I WANT this!” until I say something that sounds to her like she’s going to be appeased.

I especially like the wish list technique. This morning, I showed her how to dog-ear pages in her catalog, and told her we’d put those things on her wish list and then Santa would pick one or two. The catalog now looks like it’s been through a shredder, but she’s a happy little busy beaver!

19

My response is usually either “no” or “Cool! Do you have that much money? Sure we can get that! Just as soon as you earn that much money. I’ll even kick in the tax…” Yeah, 3 year olds don’t get all of it (I know, I have one) but it lays the groundwork for later. I also have a 7 year old that can negotiate like a pro* and pay for his own stuff now. So it does work.

*He recently made a deal with his grandfather that grandfather didn’t have to replace the bum garbage can missing a wheel but he wanted an extra quarter for carrying it in each garbage day for the effort since he could no longer wheel it. So far this week he’s bought himself a calculator, a journal and a book as well as “loaned” me the money for his school snack since I got caught without cash one day. I hope he doesn’t charge me interest…

20

If your problem is that she is asking for the same thing over and over, your solution is extinction. (In other words, ignoring the behavior.)

“Mommy, can I have that toy?”

“No/I can’t afford it/It’s not Christmas/Only on your birthday/Not today/etc.”

“But I WANT that toy!”

“I’m all done talking about that.”

Any further requests are met with silence.