Parents: Leave Your Goddamn Spawn at Home

The BBQ Pit
21

I’m just curious as to why I “should expect it” in a childrens movie. Let’s say, for argument’s sake, that I have a young child that I have taught to behave in public, and I take her to see, oh, “Monsters, Inc.” This is a kid’s movie.

Why should we “expect” that other people will be disruptive. It’s a kid’s movie, granted, but it’s still a MOVIE. It’s not a day care, not a playground, not Chuck E. Cheese. The fact that I happen to have a child with me and am seeing a movie meant for children absolves parents of having to make sure their little cherubs don’t bother anyone else? I’m still paying to see a movie.

I’m just curious as to when having a toddler meant you were suddenly immune to any laws of behavior. So much so that people should simply “expect” your child to do whatever it damn well pleases and you to not have to do anything about it, and they shouldn’t complain if it does happen.

I understand that kids are unpredictable. So back to my hypothetical situation, suddenly little Katy Mancer isn’t as well-behaved as I thought she was and begins kicking chairs. Why shouldn’t I go ahead and take her out of the theater so she won’t bother anyone else? Have we just all decided that no one is actually in a kid’s movie to watch the movie? Or is this yet another example of Welcome to 21st Century America, Where the World is Your Living Room?

22

Lego my expectation of childrens’ behavior corresponds with the ages (range) and setting. In a church service, court room etc. I expect that if they need to be there, that they will sit quietly and if they start talking or running around the parent would take them out of the room.

In a movie **advertised, geared for, aimed at, marketed to children of all ages, *, I expect that there will be a certain amount of talking (“mommy, look his eyes are big”), a certain amount of squirming, perhaps a bit of back of the seat stuff (they aren’t generally trying to kick your seat, they’re swinging their legs out of nervous energy and the distance is * just perfect for that back of the seat kick).

If it’s wholesale screaming/crying, get the usher. kicking constantly, I’d address the parent and if that didn’t help, I’d get switch seats, get the usher.

To expect solemn silence for an hour in a room filled with a couple hundred children is, IMHO, not realistic. IF that’s what you’re after, wait until the movie comes out on video and rent it.

23

I think the ubiquity of the VCR and cable TV has made people forget how to behave in a theater. It’s not just very young kids who behave badly. People who grew up in the post-VCR environment are completely accustomed to talking out loud during movies, and have forgotten that, when they’re viewing with strangers, more consideration is required.

24

I’ll agree with a caveat.

If you go to the Weekend matinee of Shreck, Monsters, Inc, or the latest Disney movie all bets are off.

In that case you’re in the Lion’s cage at feeding time and there’s nobody to blame but yourself.

25

One of my earliest memories is from the age of four. I was upset because my older siblings were going to see a movie (Star Wars, no less) and I wasn’t allowed to go because I was too young. It would have been my first movie in a theater. Instead, as I recall, the first movie I saw in the theater was Lady and the Tramp in its rerelease, a G-rated film for the kids. And it was really cool, being in that theater for the first time.

Anyway. Yeah, I didn’t like it, but I realize now that that’s the way it ought to be done: no going to the theater at all until you’re old enough, and then you cut your teeth on kids’ movies. Then and only then do you get to join the grownups in the other theaters, the ones that aren’t showing cartoons.

On restricted ratings: I would love love LOVE it if, as Roger Ebert wants, the MPAA would create a rating without the stigma of the old “X” and the recent “NC-17”. There ought to be an “A” rating for films just for adults, and kids should not be allowed into these films at ALL. The problem, as Ebert points out, is that when the only restricted rating you have is “R”, the “R” rating becomes essentially meaningless. I mean, do we seriously believe that, say, Police Academy and Saving Private Ryan deserve the same rating? Clerks and Seven? The MPAA seriously needs to get its priorities in order and create a new rating that keeps the kids out AND make sure that theater owners, movie production studios, and the general public all understand that the rating isn’t just for pornography or something.

(I say “theater owners” because often, even when an NC-17 movie is actually released, theaters will refuse to carry it because of the rating. Ridiculous but true.)

26

Can I expand the rant?

Paying to attend any event (dinner, movie, etc) entitles YOU to see/attend it. It does not entitle you to ruin it for ANYONE else that has paid for it. If you are gonna ruin the atmosphere by your own talking, your kids screaming, or the stench of your unwashed body don’t go or drop the cash to have the place all to your self.

I don’t want to here a baby crying during a dinner that costs more than what I would get at McDonnalds. Especially not during a dinner that is in the $200-$1000 range. FUCK!

I feel much better, thanks.

27

Last weekend I went down to our local arthouse for the 9:45 PM showing of Monster’s Ball. There were maybe seventy people in the audience–and no less than ten kids age 8 and down.

I am annoyed by the screaming 3-year-olds, sure. But I am truly disturbed by the eight-year-olds. A kid that age is old enough to watch and understand the movie–which in this case involves some graphic violence, rampant racism, and some of the more explicit sex I’ve ever seen in an R-rated movie.

Leaving aside the sheer inappropriateness of it, I can’t imagine a movie that would be less interesting to a seven-year-old. It’s long, slow, and depressing.

(I like to think the parents were confused and thought it was Monsters, Inc. or something like that. Even so, I saw these kids on the way out, so even if they were mistaken, they didn’t leave when Halle Berry got naked.)

This is exactly why we need an “A” rating. Think about it–when they cut scenes from a movie to make it an “R”, they’re saying that it’s now OK to bring your kids. Digitally insert some cleverly-placed set pieces into the orgy scene in Eyes Wide Shut, and it’s now OK for your ten-year-old to see that orgy scene.

Dr. J

28

I was so enraged I confused here with hear…

Wow, that IS mad.

29

As long as we’re talking about general movie assholishness, let me get this off my chest as well:

NO THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU DO NOT THINK IT’S HILARIOUS. You aren’t Crow and Tom Servo. SHUT YOUR STUPID MOUTHS. Nobody is getting a big charge out of you and your friends “MSTing” what you believe is a bad movie. If you hate the movie, leave or shut up and deal with it. You have not been elected captain of the movie ship to decide when the film is so bad you should commence with the witty comments.

Every fuckhead who’s ever seen an episode of MST3K thinks they’re Baron Witty Von Witmeister, heir to the throne of Witsylvania. And they all have the same story: “Oh we saw Dracula 2000 and it sucked so we started MSTing it and everyone around us thought we were a laugh riot!” Fuck you.

The rule is simple, people. Don’t bug other people in the theater. You know that asshole that bothered you once when you were trying to watch a movie? Don’t be that asshole. How fucking hard is it? Sit down, shut up, watch the movie. If it sucks, leave. It ain’t rocket surgery.

30

Where are they doing this??

I’d pay extra for a theatre with that policy.

Here in New York, you see small children in violent movies at all hours of the night. It’s appalling. And although everyone knows that you can complain, the demise of the usher means that it’s a lot more difficult - impossible in some theatres, since they’re so understaffed.

Oh, for the days when ushers were actually like bouncers, and people obeyed them…

31

I get especially aggravated with these people because, when my kids were very young, I just didn’t go to the god damn movies. I think I saw a total of 4 movies in three years. I bought a VCR and got a couple of memberships and watched movies where I could hear my kids’ breathing if I needed to. My negative example in this was years ago, when I went to see the re-release of Spartacus . During the intermission, I saw a couple come in with a maybe 1-year-old child, half asleep. The only movie which wasn’t already at least 20 minutes old was Silence of the Lambs.

32

He he he! yeah!

33

For what it’s worth, I’ve seen Monsters Inc 4 times in the theater, and had NOT ONE kid issue. In fact, I’ve enjoyed listening to their reactions to the movie. That is probably because it is a kids movie.

Now then, allow me to share a post from my Live Journal just 3 days ago:

Well, I went to a benefit party today for a local girl who has thyroid cancer and no insurance. Two children and a husband, and apparently her prognosis is iffy. It was nice- good eats, good people, etc. Allan played a set (gratis, of course) and did great.

I must rant. It’s about kids. If you have well behaved kids, newsflash: I’m not talking to you! Skip this and don’t give me any shit!! I am talking about the little monsters that were at the benefit today.

Fucking a, to the parents of the kids who were running all over the place at this crowded restaurant/bar. Bumping into people, climbing up on the stage (where there are people PERFORMING for the love of Christ) and otherwise being a total pain in the ass.

I loathe the parents of these kids who stood around drinking beer and letting everyone else police thier damned demon spawn. Keep 'em under control or keep 'em the fuck home, OK?

The topper was when I told a lady to keep her kid off the stage (he was all over the cords and tripping, dangerously near electronics equipment with a soda). She glances over and says “He’s fine” and goes back to gabbing. I informed her that unless she could afford several thousand dollars to replace the electronics he was dicking around near, she’d better get him off the stage. NOW. She finally did, but I mean come on, where the fuck is the common sense? Fucking parents and their demon spawn.

I agree, I agree, I agree. I came home and told my husband “Maybe we should start bringing Amos out with us (our Rottie)”. Of course, he listens a lot better then a lot of kids, so that wouldn’t even prove the point.

The point is, if your kid is annoying other people, DO SOMETHING. I don’t care if they’re kids, they’re YOUR kids. Don’t make them my problem.

Zette

34

People for years and years have been allowed to take their kids most places AS LONG AS THEY ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEM.

That last phrase is what some parents forget, or misinterpret.

“Being responsible” means more than watching the kids. It also means making sure that if they’re not up to societal standards of behavior for the venue that the parent immediately take action–by reprimand or, if necessary, removal.

Saying “Ooh, let’s all be quiet now, we’re on the same TEAM!” and looking at everyone else with that wry “kids will be kids” look doesn’t count. Ergo, the kid isn’t responsible for the behavior his parents fail to control, and the parents aren’t responsible because he’s “just a kid.” Meanwhile, there’s the kid, who knows the parent isn’t serious and won’t ever get serious. (Would YOU as a little kid have taken that Mr. Rogers voice to mean business? Be serious!)

Is it any wonder that so many kids eventually believe that no one else can or will ever get serious with them, especially when Mom or Dad goes off on anyone who gets upset that the kid’s throwing a temper tantrum, or throwing other things? What they learn is that it’s always the Other Person who’s going to get in trouble; it’s always the Other Person’s fault; the Other Person is always the Bad Man. Oh, and if it ever isn’t, just use a lot of “We’re all human!” type excuses to get off without taking responsibility. Because that’s what it’s all about.

35

Heh. That gave me a laugh just when I needed it.

36

The only thing I want to hear during a dinner in the $200-$1000 range are the passionate moans of the person fellating me under the table, which had damn well be included in that price.

:smiley:

Dr. J

37

Hijack! Hijack!

What the hell kind of food could POSSIBLY be 200-1000$?? Is it made of gold? Or some sort of rare blowfish!? Or yak testicles??? Jesus…

38

I don’t do movies fot this exact reason. Ironically it was a CHILDLESS couple at the movie Traffic that ruined it for me.

My dad also just got a insurance claim and spend a few grand on a home theater system. The idea of actually GOING to the movie theaters hasn’t even crossed my mind since.

39

I just wanted to agree with the statement that complaining about noisy children works. When I saw The Phantom Menace a few days after it opened there was a woman with a few kids behind us. The youngest, probably 4 or 5, asked her questions every 10 seconds - ‘Who is that?’ ‘What’s he doing?’ ‘What’s that?’ and the mother would ANSWER HIM, both in normal speaking voices. I asked them to please be quiet and the woman just glared at me. A few seconds later it kept happening so I went out, found an usher, explained the situation, and he came in and escorted all of them out of the theater. I hope it made an impression on her.

40

When I entertain clients I’ve been at tables with that much. Two years ago we ran up $1600 when I was hosting several people from around the country.