Hey, at one time my mother called our then-VP a dyke.
I pointed out that one, that was completely irrelevant for her job and two, how the fuck did my mother know, had the VP made a pass at her? (They hadn’t met).
Mom’s response was: “a woman over 40 and unmarried? She’s a dyke!”
I pointed out I was over 40 and unmarried, had I been batting from the wrong side all my life? Boy, would my ex-boyfriends be surprised!
Instead of fixing her prejudice, Mom started trying to find me a suitable girlfriend :smack:
You just proved my coworker’s point. You have no idea if that guy is gay but you’re assuming he is, on account of wearing his uniform the way it’s supposed to be worn.
On the other side, I knew early on that my son was straight - not because I made assumptions, but because I deliberately didn’t assume anything about his orientation, and was totally open to letting him reveal himself as whatever his true self happens to be. From the moment he was old enough to have conversations, I made sure he knew that cisgendered male partnered with cisgendered female was a pretty common configuration, but anything else is fine too and he should be aware that there are plenty of other ways to be human.
I would have been fine with any gender/orientation outcome as long as he was a decent human being, but damned if that kid didn’t seem relentlessly heterosexual from the get-go. From first grade onward, he always loved (his word, not mine) a girl. Within a couple of months of breaking up with his girlfriend of 7 years, he became deeply involved with another young woman. He’s a hopeless romantic, I guess. It’s sweet.
(This is the first time I’ve said this, anywhere.)
I’m pretty sure my younger niece is a lesbian, and have since she was a preschooler. If she is, and she wants me to know, she will tell me, and it won’t affect my opinion of her one speck.
My oldest son is bisexual. I was surprised! It hadn’t occurred to me. He didn’t tell us until he had a boyfriend (he’d had girlfriends before). We had made it clear during his upbringing that being gay was just a regular thing and when he told us it was no big deal.
Here’s a coming-out story from a family I knew obliquely:
The family (Mom, Dad, girls about two years apart in age) attended a fundamentalist church that taught that homosexuality is a sin, the pastor had a gay-conversion therapy clinic on speed dial, etc. They weren’t just casual attendees, either: the mom and dad both worked in the various youth programs, helped out with putting on Vacation Bible School, the whole drill.
When the younger girl came out, to no one’s surprise, at about age 12/13, it became obvious that the family’s church no longer welcomed them unless they dealt with their daughter’s “sin.” However, rather than adhere to the church’s teachings, force the girl into “therapy,” etc., the mom and the girls just found a new, accepting congregation. That may seem rather mundane to the casual reader, but considering how deeply they were into the church’s mission, it came as quite the surprise to everyone who knew the family.
FWIW, the dad is out of the picture now. Don’t know if the daughter’s sexuality played a role or not.
I have no idea if he is gay or not and nor do I care; between his muscles and the particular uniform, that particular look does come across as super-gay though
Part is the uniform- the bare chested shirt and sea-green coloring is kind of peculiar for a military uniform, to say the least. And part is that the particular soldier in uniform looks like a real-life version of a particular gay artist’s work whose name I can’t recall, but he’s famous for muscular sailors, etc…
My daughter could be or could not be - she sends out rather confusing signals which I feel is just part of being a teen.
Pro-hetero: Has a thing for her boy bands, her favorite actors, etc. Definitely has a “type”. Claims to be hetero.
Pro-gay: Big into the gay rights movement (has been for years). Some of her best friends (male) are gay. Doesn’t date*.
We’ve discussed this with her, she says she’s hetero, we say we don’t care, just be happy, life goes on.
*Doesn’t necessarily mean “pro gay”, but she has had plenty of opportunities to go on M/F dates and has refused every one of them. OTOH, girls night out and dancing with her friends at the prom are definitely things she does. Like I said… she’s a teen, so I’m probably getting some of this wrong and she’s probably finding out about herself as well. It’s just not that big a concern to me, one way or another.
Our oldest (late 20s) just came out to us recently as trans (M -> F) and bi. It surprised us but didn’t shock us; in fact, in context, it was a relief, because she told us in a phone call, with a buildup that made us worry that something was seriously wrong. Of course, we immediately told her that she had our complete support and that we were happy that she was throwing off something (living as a male) that was making her unhappy.
It’s still sinking in. Probably the hardest thing at the moment is trying to remember to use the right pronouns. She’s only recently started taking hormones and her voice is still deep, which doesn’t help. Also, she lives several states away and we haven’t seen her since she told us, but she and her girlfriend (also trans) are planning to visit us this summer.
We have no sense of mourning or loss, she’s still the same person, we just know something important about her now that we didn’t before. We do go back and look for clues in her earlier life, more out of curiosity than anything else. There are clues there, but there were also things that seemed to point in stereotypically male directions, like an intense interest in big machines and engineering. So that’s why we were surprised to learn she was trans. My wife is happy she now has the daughter she always wanted, and a little unhappy she didn’t come out earlier so they could have been mother/daughter while (now) daughter was still living at home.
As for her sexuality, it was never obviously one way or another and we were quite prepared for that to turn out any possible way. She knew we were supportive of LGBT rights and equality, and she was involved in her high school’s Gay & Straight Alliance. But whether she herself preferred males or females we never really discussed and she didn’t do anything we would have called dating while living at home. (Do kids even do that anymore?)
I’m a little confused by this. When you say you didn’t know, what time period are you referring to. You obviously knew before he told you. What changed from not knowing to figuring it out?
Cut him some slack. He was only responding to another poster questioning the meaning of his first (admittedly hijackish) post.
She is an amazing young woman, and I am very proud of her. I work hard to be the Mom she deserves, sometimes I miss the mark, but overall I think she is doing great.
Our youngest has always been the quiet type and we thought maybe he was gay. Last year she came out as transgender (M->F) and both sides of our family and close friends have been totally supportive.
I’m a little bit sad because she waited so long to say something. She had been cutting herself from the stress of hiding. That and we would have gotten her started earlier on hormones. One stressor for her will be lessened as she is moving from a small community in Iowa to one of the most accepting of LGBTQ students place for college (U of I).
My husband has worries mainly I think because of the possibility of future surgeries (she hasn’t discussed that with us… I hope if and when that time comes she feels able to reach out to us for support). We both worry about the risks of the hormones (the same level of worry if a cis daughter went on the pill). Throw in the violence being perpetuated on Trans people by ignorant, despicable and horrible sub-humans.
We love her and just want what makes her happy. She’s still a quiet and private person but she’s not as angry and blank as she was (we just figured “Meh, teenager” having went through that with her older brothers).
Apropos of nothing, just something similar and interesting I just read on futility closet that I have never heard and don’t know the veracity of- it said if you are male, for each older brother you have, you are 1/3 more likely to be gay.
