I’ve heard conflicting advice on this.
IMO 0 to 1.
But 2 to 3 was tougher than either.
Zero to 1 was the big transition. But each subsequent child brought its own unique complications and stresses.
Zero to one, absolutely. The next two were easier. After all, we were already parents.
Zero to one was hardest - although in part that is probably because my two are thirteen months apart. If there was a larger gap and #1 had been potty trained/weaned/off to school when #2 came along, my answer might be different.
I felt like 1 to 2 was the most challenging, especially as they got older.
Granted, going from 0 to 1 was a huge life change, but having two little people demanding attention is harder than one little person demanding attention. Cuz now you’re refereeing fights, trying to balance two people’s demands/likes/dislikes, dealing with the behavior of two kids trying to out-maneuver each other for mom and dad’s attention, etc.
I look at parents with one kid vs parents with two kids, and the only-child parents (like my own parents) just don’t always comprehend the challenges of multiple kids. But I think people without kids do fully comprehend the changes that come with having a kid. So, going from zero to one isn’t as much of a surprise as going from one to two often is.
Father of 2 boys here, aged 1 and 6. For me, I’d say going from 0 to 1 was the bigger change, simply because it’s such a drastic change in lifestyle. I mean, before kids, if you want to spend a Sunday just lying in bed/on the sofa doing nothing much (likely nursing a hangover), that’s fine. With any number of young kids, that’s not really an option. Similarly, you and your partner can both have separate hobbies that consume, say, 4 out of every 7 evenings, and still spend a good chunk of quality time together - with a kid, not so much.
Going from 1 to 2 is also a big challenge, sure, but you’re kind of already in the routine - even with the relatively large age gap that we have ended up with. I am adamant that 2 to 3 won’t happen - 2 is just right for us. We are an extremely lucky and generally very happy family.
1-2 was harder for us. For 1 we had two parents so one could take care of the kid and the other could take a break now with two it seems more like I’ll take this one you take that one. Also we had our oldest potty trained for 2 months before number 2 showed up and going back to changing diapers was much harder than learning to change them.
1-2 was so hard it convinced my wife that she didn’t want 3 like she had been talking about her whole life.
Now that does surprise me. Why was 2 to 3 hardest?
My guess? Because now you’re outnumbered. Trying to switch from a man-to-man defense that you’re comfortable with to a completely unfamiliar zone defense.
With 2, a couple can still spilt up and 1:1 the kids. Add that third and it’s no longer possible to have each kid have an adult covering them. One of the kids is going to either end up without attention/oversight or at best, each kid gets only 2/3rds of a parents attention.
I have 3, wouldn’t change it for the world, but there is that reality. With 2, you can tag team, with 3 any one of the kids can be off going rogue. Sometimes the results are harrowing-other times they are just amusing.
I have two children. I agree with the thread trend that 0 to 1 was harder than for 1 to 2. As mentioned, the change in lifestyle is a huge factor.
I had a colleague who went from 0 to 2 (twins) and comparing notes with him it was clear that situation is even more challenging than 0 to 1.
Yeah. When you have 3, you have to switch from “man-to-man” to “zone” defense.
I have 3. 0 to 1 was by far the hardest of the transitions. You have no idea what to expect. You may think you do, but you don’t!
Maybe it depends somewhat on the kid. Our first turned out to be the most challenging of the 3, which was good because we had no basis of comparison. So, it just felt like our next two were much easier babies, so maybe amplified the differences.
The only bigger challenge with adding the 3rd was that now you have kids of significantly different ages, so it’s hard to find something that they can all enjoy at the same time.
When you have 2 kids - especially when they are young - your entire lives aren’t dominated by the kids. Often one of the kids will take an occasional nap. You can fit everyone and their car seats into most normal cars. Maybe the older one is getting close to being out of diapers.
By the time you have 3 kids, the eldest is getting closer to preschool/school/activities. So you are hauling 2 younger kids around w/ you when you take the oldest places. Taking 3 kids to the grocery store is just that much more of a hassle. Plus, you’re older - and tireder. You’ve been changing diapers for what seems like forever. Your house is feeling smaller and smaller. You need to buy a bigger car. And you are trying to stimulate/entertain/educate 3 kids at different developmental stages.
A problem we had w/ 3 was that they seemed to always team up as 2 against 1. The alliances changed, but it always seemed like 1 kid was being left out.
2 of my sisters had 4 kids. When I asked them why, they said 3 kids was already insane, so they figured a 4th wouldn’t be any moreso.
But 0 to 1 is the biggie. No luxury of just staying out late or sleeping in w/ a hangover. No choice to decorate your home the way you want - with sharp edges and choking hazards lying about.
“Going from 1 to 2” for me. With 1, if the kid needs something and you’re “just not feeling it” (having a crappy day, need a short break, etc…), no problem; the other parent can handle it. With 2, someone’s always needing something, and “honey, can you handle both kids for a bit? Need a break” is Not Cool when both kids are being needy.
Boy, you’re conversations with your spouse are a lot more dignified than mine. Mine are more “I’m gonna murder one or more of these things if I can’t sneak away for an hour…”
I think they were different, with new challenges. With 1, everything is new and you need to figure out what works. With 2, you need to worry about 1 and figure out to do whatever 2 needs at the same time because what worked with 1 isn’t working.
Conversely, other things were easier. I didn’t worry about breaking daughter #2 while trying to get a onesie (a vest for our friends across the pond) over her head or drop her in the bath the way that I did with daughter #1. Daughter #1 didn’t really have TV until she was almost 3 when #2 was born. As a result, #2 never had that TV free time.
I was listening to a veterinarian on talk-back radio, and caller started with “I have three dogs…”. The veterinarian interrupted to say “That’s the problem”
My mother told me never to have more kids than you have arms. She had two. We had two. My oldest daughter now has two and is stopping. So, as usual, good advice.