Without going into the whole debate of why a certain percentage of the Jewish population feels it’s wrong to even date outside their faith, let me just say what happened to that girl was horrible, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
As for moms stifling their daughters: A few thoughts.
I was probably one of the wildest 16yo’s you could ever hope to meet. Cop’s daughter in a small town, rebelled at every possible chance, cut school, fought with my mother, broke rules just because I could. I look back at some of the things I did, and think “OMG, it’s amazing I wasn’t dead by the age of 20.”
I didn’t really appreciate what my parents were trying to do for me until I became a parent myself. I’m not saying they should be all stifling. But parents cannot always be your friends. Not at that age. They have responsibilities to you as a parent to teach you the realities of life before they send you out into the world. Or the world will teach those realities, and not nearly as nicely.
Yes, parents should teach their kids to be independent, starting as young as possible. But they also have to teach that there are consequences for actions. That if you fuck up, you will be punished, because that’s the way it works in the real world. If you don’t show up for class, study, put in the time, you’re going to get a bad grade. If you don’t show up for your job, show up drunk, dress slovenly, act like an ass, you’re going to get fired. If you don’t pay your phone bill/electric bill, they’re going to turn it off. If you don’t pay your rent, you’re going to be without a place to stay. Your parents don’t want to see those things happen, so they’re going to harp on you to be responsible.
I’m sorry, but a 16yo faced with paying a car payment or taking that $281 and going out partying? Which do you think he’s going to choose?
As for moms who try to dress like their daughters; I don’t honestly think those women are so much trying to compete with their daughters. I think they’re trying, in a rather sad way, to stay young, and to stay a part of their daughters’ lives. They’re just going about it the wrong way.
To the “Cutting the apron strings on your boy.” I don’t see it happening in the forseeable future. I don’t know what to tell you. Mothers hated me. I now know why. You have this person. He listens to you. He trusts your opinion completely. Then one day, he no longer listens to you, or trusts you. He listens to this little chit of a girl over here, who’s barely out of high school herself and doesn’t know squat, as far as you’re concerned. That’s hard. It hurts. Should it result in what happened in the OP? Hell, no. Is jealousy stupid and petty? Sure it is. Unfortunately, we don’t live in a world of “should be,” and these things happen.
The only thing I can suggest is to try to be as tolerant of this person as you would like them to be of you. And to maybe tell that person how you feel and why.
Parenting is a hard job. It doesn’t come with instructions. We’re going to screw up. It’s inevitable. At some point, every parent is going to make a mistake. What we’re most worried about, is making a critical mistake, one that will fuck our children up for life. And guess what? You never know. You never know which mistake was the worst one. Or if it was a mistake.
I don’t think I would have slept nearly at well at night if I knew my parents were making it up as they went along.
