Also, here’s the thread in MPSIMS.
The Time Traveler’s Wife. I was reading it when Rick was diagnosed, plus there are plot points that made it difficult. I think I was too worried about being a nutcase over the movie to enjoy it.
Thanks for the link!!!
I think the biggest childhood wound of my SiL’s is that her parents went to every single sports event of her brother’s and none of hers.
Not a parent, not a sports, don’t even like baseball. Yes, going to my kids game would trump going to a movie with a friend 100 times out of 100.
I have dumped friends for my sons’ games, plays, etc. Friends of mine have also dumped me for their kids’ soccer matches, dance performances, etc.
It is not the sport. God knows I could do without sitting through another non-ML baseball game. Or, in particular, another beginner band concert (oh, the pain). It’s that you’re there for the kid. The only people who show up at these things are parents.
I’m glad you got to go to the movie.
If there had been a game I agree with others that you could have found a way to go to the game too. Hanging around with friends while their kids are playing sports can be wonderful times for really talking and being friends, something that sitting together in a movie can’t.
I’m sure if you had asked if you could go with her she would have happily said yes.
Something just clicked with me. It wasn’t about the movie, or going to the game with her. It was about feeling that she picked (what seemed to me) a minor event with her son rather than (what seemed to me) a major event with me. I know her son comes first. Honest. I underestimated the importance of his event, which was what led me to feel that I didn’t matter at all. I get it now–games are important.
Does that make sense? That’s why all the practical stuff about seeing the movie a different day or going to the game really didn’t matter. It was about her choice, not how we worked it out.
It’s probably just a matter of semantics, but I have to tell you that attending the game was probably not at all that important to the parent (your friend) but rather she knew that it was very important to her child. It’s a subtle difference, but an important one. She probably doesn’t even remember who won the game, but her child remembers that she was there.
There are a number of boring things a parent has to sit through when there are endless other task, duties, and relationships to maintain. But for a few years a parent is responsible for the healthy development, or alienation, of a growing human.
Sure, the kid could go to this game alone and I’ll catch the next one. It’s not like the Steelers are playing. Ask the kid and they will say, “fine, catch it next time.”
Is it fine? NO!. Ditching him on the first day of the season for a movie is like telling him you’ll go to his second wedding!
It doesn’t last forever, but it is important to apply the time spent if you expect to raise good people.
Dad.
(Glad you got to see the movie, next time ask to go to the game with your friend.)
Why can’t people go to the movies by themselves?
Seriously? Is it an insecurity thing? Are you afraid people are going to be looking at you and judging you because you are alone?
This isn’t a slam on Brynda, I just really want to know.
Geez, I’m a non-parent who doesn’t give a shit about sports.
But if my hypothetical kid has a game, I’m going. Especially the first game of the season.
I’m presuming, here–feel free to correct me, Brynda.
She was recently widowed, and it’s a movie all about becoming a widow. That’s why, in her mind, this was a “major deal”, something she’d been twisting herself up to go do, the way you prep for a painful doctor’s visit or a critical awkward relationship discussion. It wasn’t about the movie, it was about testing how healed she is–can she handle things like this yet? It’s testing a leg that’s been horribly broken and you know it’s going to hurt to put your weight on it, but you also have to try. It may be ok, but it may completely collapse–even rebreak under you–and you want a friend there to spot you just in case.
Once you’re in that headspace, about to jump into the deep end of a freezing pool, having it all derailed for what you think of as something trivial is going to be upsetting–it’s a huge letdown, a huge release of pent up emotion with no where to go.
Brynda, I suspect your friend didn’t realize how seriously you took going to this movie–that she heard it was significant, but not that it was a trial, a test, a exploration of yourself and your healing. She thought the movie was the point, just like you thought the game was the point for her. Unless it’s part of a pattern, I think you have to assume thoughtlessness, not selfishness.
So they can whisper snarky comments to each other about things in the movie and have discussions later about the movie and the other people in the audience.
in a heartbeat. Especially Moms. few things in life seem more important than Mom being at the game. You are lucky the child is 14. If younger you would have been drafted into attending the game as an enthusiastic fan…
And that is if the family aren’t sports fans.
Am I the only person who can’t understand how she didn’t know about the game ahead of time? Am I also the only person who thinks it sends a bad example to the kid to finagle one’s way out of a commitment? Is it not a part of teaching kids that they are the entitled elite?
Now, I might try to get out of it, if my friend would let me. But, for me, my word is my word. I wouldn’t have agreed to go with you if I wasn’t absolutely sure there was nothing else that I needed to attend. And if baseball is that important to my kid, I’d know ahead of time all the games (It’s not like the schedule is a secret). And I’m not going to be so careless to make a commitment during those times.
Of course, it doesn’t surprise me that the majority of people don’t share my values.
I’m starting classes at the university the day after tomorrow. It’s a pretty “fixed” program, I can only choose one of the courses.
The timetables aren’t available yet.
Schools sports programs often aren’t perfectly programmed, specially pre-season games. And a mother makes a commitment to her child as soon as she decided to have it.
Not going to your kids games sends an even stronger message: i don’t give a shit about you. Ask anyone who played sports as a kid whos parents did not show up to games how much it affected them and how much they still recent them.
I think there is a continuum- I would miss a kid’s game to be with a friend and would explain that this person was hurting and needed me there. However, if it was a particularly important game (like first game in a new school) that is where my priority would be. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for any child to understand that we need to be there for other people we care about. Most kids would understand, if the parent was other wise a supportive one.
Games get changed frequently, and sometimes a child doesn’t find out they are starting this particular game until just before.
In a blinding flash.
Obviously not. They’re more imporant than going to a bad movie anyway.
It’s not the game itself that’s more important than you, it’s the kid. You’re looking at this backwards. Missing a kid’s game for a funeral or an illness would be ok, but missing it to go see some crappy chick flick? Nope.
The Time Traveler’s Wife sucks anyway. You aren’t missing anything.
I played sports when I was a kid. My parents went to very few of my games. My friends’ parents went to very few of their games. None of us were upset by it then, and I’ve never heard that anyone is harboring resentment. The message their absence sent was “You’re not the center of the universe, kid.” That’s a message that a lot of kids don’t learn these days, because too many parents are like planets to their kids’ suns.
The kid should have been able to understand that mom made a promise and she was going to keep it.
Edit: I have two kids. My wife and I go to their games when we can. If we can’t, there will always be another game. The kids barely notice that we’re there anyway.
Edit2: And, yes, I know that the sun is the center of our solar system, not the center of the universe.
Not going to ANY games might leave that impression. Missing one or two shouldn’t be a problem. In fact, if my kid ever said that my missing one or two games means that I “don’t give a shit” about him, I might try demonstrating what that would ACTUALLY be like.