How do you make a cat drink?
Take one (1) cat and put it in a blender.
The kitty-attacking-balls joke is an old and oft-reposted tale so yeah, I agree that someone found an “I hate cats” joke page and is reposting. And count me in on the ‘loves furry widdle critters, hates cruelty’ camp who also thought the later contributions to this thread were funny as heck.
My husband is fond of offering to put the Cat back in catapult whenever my daughter complains about her cat.
I’m going to concur with the weak pitting and misplaced outrage opinions.
As an incidental note, the story of a naked man getting ball-clawed while examining a sink and knocking himself out to the later amusement of paramedics goes back quite a way - I first read it in The Death Committee by Noah Gordon, published in 1969, and I doubt it was new then, either.
[Billy Connolly]A man’s standing in a bus queue eating a pie and chips, and in front of him there’s this posh lady with a little yappy dog, and the doggie keeps jumping up and begging for a piece of the pie, so eventually the man says “Hey, lady, is it okay if I throw your dog a bit?” and she says “Yes”, so he picks the thing up by the scruff of its neck and hurls the fucker thirty yards up the street.[/BC]
People are really weird over their cats. When I was younger and less sensitive, I had a bumper sticker that could be construed as pretty mean:
LOST YOUR CAT?
TRY LOOKING UNDER MY TIRES.
Not really funny, in retrospect, but it was one amongst four other stickers, and that was the most remote “out there” sticker I had. Still, I could absolutely see how that could offend people. For the record, I am firmly against running cats over - I’ve spoken out many times against outdoor cats exactly because of this possibility. But what I didn’t get is the person who left me a death threat (!!!) on my windshield.
Over a bumper sticker. I think that person needed to get a sense of perspective…it follows that I think the OP needs TWO senses of perspective.
Yeah, I should lighten up.
And now, one of my cats is making a stupid howling noise outside my door. :mad: Anyone have any Pop Rocks I can have? 
Or you could get your ass back into that thread and complain about jokes about men getting so savagely beaten by their wives that they are blinded for three days. But I guess we know where your priorities lie. :dubious:
You’re right, Malacandra. I’ve found some of the other jokes there offensive. Worse than torturing cats. But yeah.
That did make me laugh. 
I thought I recognized that story!
Heh. 
I’d say yes, there is something wrong with parkega3 if he is passing off hoary old stories as his own.
But don’t we all?
So just how many cats do you have, Emily?
I’m sure we all could stand to do so.
In another type of cat story, my friend has a cat named Poe. (She’s a librarian). Poe was an abnormally affectionate cat. Now I am really allergic to cats. The first time I slept over her house, I woke up in the middle of the night, my nose shut, eyes swollen and red, completely miserable. After that, I took allergy pills whenever I went over.
But of course, Poe *loved[/i] me. He would come over and lay on my lap, upside down, meowing and purring with so much love. I’d scritch him a little and then try to encourage him to go elsewhere. He was not having it.
Years later I found out that cats don’t like eye contact one bit, so if you walk into a house and ignore a cat, that cat is more likely to go to you because it doesn’t feel intimidated or threatened. So - all my ignoring of Poe was totally backfiring!
It’s like that piece of advice on how to get a seat to yourself on a bus. Most people with an empty seat by them keep their heads down and avoid eye contact when another passenger boards. The correct way to keep that seat empty is to make eye contact, smile widely, and pat the seat next to you.
Same thing with cats.
I have a phobia of bus riding cats.