Really? I have a phobia of cussing bats. Seriously, a bat flies up, says “fuck you!” and I’m a wreck.
I don’t like bussing fats. I voted against it.
If someone wants to kiss a Fats Domino impersonator, let them do it in the privacy of their own…, no! I voted AGAINST it!
Cats and Furries-ous: Thread Drift
I guess we’ll never see that movie now.
I hope everybody understands that first story didn’t actually happen to parkega3.
That is a joke I first heard (or read) like 15 or 20 years ago.
Yeah, I suppose. Maybe it’s like my old uncle said; he’s old and forgets everything, everyone else he knows is old and forgets everything, so he’s just going to pass off all his stories as his own now. 
Ok, I’ll share my cat injury story, which actually happened to me. It’s about Poe again. I’ve told it before, so sorry if you are reading it twice.
Now as I said Poe was a very friendly cat. And I didn’t know much about cats. Which is why, when I stayed with my friend for a week, I agreed to try and walk her cat while she was at work - on the leash. Poe was completely a housecat, so she thought this would be a good compromise to never letting him out.
Well, me and Poe gave it the old college try. Next day I put him on the leash, and we went outside. I was to learn that day that cats, even friendly ones, are the master of passive-aggressiveness. Poe lay on the sidewalk, not complaining or whining, but not going anywhere. It was clear that “walkies” were not going to work.
So I settled for second-best - I sat on the front porch, holding the leash, and let Poe meander about in the grass and on the steps. This seemed to work well. The collar did not bother him, and he did not tug unduly at the leash.
So we’re sitting there for maybe fifteen minutes, enjoying a beautiful summer day, when the door across the street opens. Out comes a person - never really saw if it was a man or a woman - with a BIG BIG BIG German Shephard. Very handsome dog.
The dog spies Poe. Poe spies the dog. The dog begins to bark. He’s clearly on a leash so he can’t get away. Poe does not understand leashes. Poe panics and tries to get inside the house.
Did I mention we were sitting on the porch? The only way back to the house is through me. Poe cannot get through me. He freaks. I’ve only half-stood up, aiming to get us both back in the house, when Poe launches up my leg and sinks his teeth into my inner thigh.
Through denim jeans!
We both yowl. Staggering and limping, I manage to get inside and shut the door. Once I get inside, Poe is immediately calm. I remove the leash and throw it into a corner. I remove my jeans and examine - I have two holes, bleeding, running down my leg and soaking into my jeans, where Poe managed to sink his little kitty incisors in.
Needless to say when my friend got home I advised her the leash was a no-go. The wounds stopped bleeding, and about five or six years ago, they finally disappeared totally (this was about twenty years ago). And Poe instantly returned to the loving, friendly cat he was. I didn’t blame him, I mean, he had no place to go, and he was terrified…but damn, they don’t give you a second to react!
An imaginary cat being eaten by an imaginary Great Dane is torture now? Lighten up indeed.
Seems like I am the only Indian that likes cats…
Those were great jokes and a hilarious situation, I LOL’ed.
Thanks for sharing.
Reminds me of an old Red Skelton joke, with Red playing the Mean Widdle Kid.
[Cat screeching off camera]
Mother: “Junior, what are you doing?”
Mean Widdle Kid [off camera]: “I’m feeding the cat!”
Mother: “Why’s he making so much noise?”
Mean Widdle Kid [off camera]: “I’m feeding him to the dog!”
Reminds me of a song: BatLyrics.com is for sale | HugeDomains
“Your linguistic enlightenment might arrive late”
Now that’s funny.
BTW, I like cats.