Paul McGuire, I'll break your thumb if you don't shut up!

I’ve had it. It’s over. I’ll never watch another Sunday night football game with the volume on. I’ll turn on the radio and listen to the announcers there. I’ll turn on a symphony and make believe I’m watching a ballet. Hell, I’ll turn on some hip-hop to have noise… I may even… I can’t believe I’m saying this… not watch the football game because of you Paul.

Last night, just like every other Sunday night I care to remember, you picked a subject for the game and mentioned it over 50 times. I shit you not. I started counting and when he (ok, they actually.) reached 50 I stopped counting. Last night was Favre’s thumb.

Other dumb comments I can remember.

“He’s literally [referring to an offensive lineman] playing with one arm!”
No, he is playing with two arms… I can see them on my television screen.

“The Vikings are going to have to find some other people to throw to [besides Randy Moss] because teams are just going to start trying to take him out of the game. So far this season they haven’t done that”
(10 min. later)
After a pass to the TE, “See how they spread the ball out. That’s what makes them a playoff caliber team!”


Bring Frank Gifford over! Bring Pat Summerall back! Bring Dan Fouts over from the college game! Get For og’s sake, I’d even prefer Dennis Miller! Get the fuck outta the booth you negative nelly!

You made a comment last night about how all the long snapper has to do is hike the ball. YOU WERE A FUCKING KICKER! All you had to do was kick the ball, but you don’t see me talking bad about you! (untill now anyway)

I think I’ll come in that booth if you ever come near the NW and break your thumb and punt your ass through the uprights!

a) Paul is, IMHO, the single most entertaining color commentator in the buisiness. We’ve sat through really bad games, simply because listening to him and Thiesmen fight like a couple of old bitties makes us giggle.
b) He was also a punter/linebacker for his entire NFL career. Punters and kickers were afterthoughts in those days, nobody got a roster spot simply because they could do it. But Paul still holds many Bills punting records.


Kathy Lee doesn’t let Frank out anymore. Sorry.

I stand corrected about this.

I still hate his announcing.

I also speeled his name wrong. It’s Maguire…

What a way to ruin a rant.:wally:

Rant on, whatami! I can’t count the times I have snuggled in for a juicy Sunday night game (or even a crappy one–hey, I love football) only to have to turn it off after one quarter of Maguire’s loathsome blather. He spoils that Sunday night game week after fucking week. Doesn’t anyone at ESPN realize the depth of his suckiness? Or are there armies of Maguire fans out there who support the continuation of his employment?

If you ever get that ass-punting opportunity, I’d be happy to come and be your long snapper.

I liked how, in the first quarter, Theisman complimented Culpepper for throwing the ball away, rather than trying to scramble his way out of a jam and possibly take a sack. He said that it showed that he had matured. Then he spent the remaining three quarters complaining that Culpepper doesn’t run enough anymore.

Amazingly, it took six replies for someone to point out to the OP that Maguire’s partner is, uh, Joe Theismann . How someone can rant about Sunday Night Football and not even throw a dig in at Theismann is simply incredible. He’s the Tim McCarver of football announcing—90% extraneous, irrelevant comments.

You are of course correct HumanStromboli that Theismann is indeed bad. I suppose it’s a case of my absolute unfathomable hate for Maguire overshadowing my mere human hate for him.

I actually don’t mind Theisman; but I do think it’s funny that he always finds something to complain about.

Right with you there, whatami, I’ll even trade you Paul Maguire and Joe Theisman (rhymes with Heisman) for Randy Cross (oh no, not that idiot!) and a loudmouth announcer/colorperson to be named later. :rolleyes:

I’ll throw in one of the FOX Wannabe All-Madden Team of color analysts (Bill Maas, Tim Green, Brian Baldinger, etc.). From the tales of the bizarre, Tim Green used to have a regular interview slot on National Public Radio, with Bob Edwards on “Morning Edition.” Don’t know if he still does . . .

Finally - someone besides me who hates the inane shit that spews out of Maguire’s mouth during ESPN football games. Jesus GOD! He comes close to ruining most ESPN NFL games for me - and I think he makes Theisman worse as well.

He’s the Village Idiot of NFL game announcers. Sometimes it sounds like he’s half in the bag. I despise him.