I’ve got this little tin of candies on my desk called Sqyntz (trademark be damned) SuperSourz. Not the sourest candy I’ve ever eaten, but they’ll do just fine. I love the sour stuff, including Sour Patch Kids. Yuuuum. Really.
I was sitting here printing out a letter when one of my coworkers came in and sat down for chit chat. The letter finished printing. I went for the envelope and was just about (I mean I was two inches away from said envelope and my mouth was open) to lick it when she said to me, “Oh? Sour candy?”
The very thought of the sourness caused my tastebuds to go into hyperdrive, and they ejaculated a small amount of spit on the envelope from two inches away. Coworker saw it happen. I would have laughed with her but I had to swallow first.
I’ll probably regret potiong this too but I’ve experienced “saliva ejactulation.” I can’t correlate it to anything but speaking when all of a sudden a thin jet of saliva shoots out of the back of my mouth. WTF was that? If it was venom and I looked good in spandex I could be a superhero but as evolutionary adapatations go I could do without it.
This is a talent? Can I put it on my resume? Where would one list that on a resume, anyway? Would that be mentioned within a job description or would it be under Special Skillz?
Other talents, since they’ve been requested:
I have incredible taste in shoes.
I know all the words to “It’s the End of the World as We Know It” by R.E.M.
I have convinced everyone with whom I work that I am too incredibly busy to talk to them, except for the times when I have to spit and obviously need an audience.
I know the difference between it’s and its, and yet, I do not care.
I can weasel my way into any party.
That’s all I have for now. I’ll have to think about my other talents a bit more. Time for soul-searching.
I knew people in junior high school who could do that–it was a point of some pride with them. (Oh, to be 13 again…) I can do it accidentally, but I can’t control it like they could.
There’s a salivary gland right where the tongue attaches to the floor (?) of your mouth, dead center. Apparently, when you move a muscle in your tongue just right(and have your tongue raised), it sqeezes the gland and shoots out a jet of saliva.
An ex-bf could do it on command. I, OTOH, only seem to do it when I really don’t want to do it - usually when I’m yawning.
I read your post over and over again, and every time my mind registered “baby” sitter. I was very confused and curious about the appropriateness of your baby sitter habits.
As for the spit thing, I also only seem to do this when I don’t want to, and can never do it when I try. My friends always called it “gleeking”. I can fake it pretty well by shooting a stream of liquid through one place between my teeth.
