Pearls of wisdom from Hal (not Briston)

[iamthewalrus_3]

@anyrose

I went to get a Mac C complier, and it wanted an ADC password. I’m not a developer. I don’t know the first thing about developing software. And I tried downloading the OS9 version (two choices from the first site listed) and got errors both times.
WAAAHHHH!! I wanna play too! Isn’t there a simple Mac friendly Hal site?

It’s ok! Joining the ADC is free. Be forwarned, though, the XCode download is rather large. Several hundred MB, IIRC.

[Amazon_Floozy_Goddess]

I just had this charming exchange:

Me: Do you like crickets?

Hal: I bet you like crickets?

Me: They’re ok.

Hal: Ok that was good.

Me: How do you feel about rats?

Hal: I love rats.

Me: Good.

Hal: Do you take it up your arse?

Me: :eek:

[Hostile_Dialect]

@anyrose

I wanna play too! Isn’t there a simple Mac friendly Hal site?

I know about zero past jack about doing anything on Macs other than editing video on Final Cut and After Effects. No free C compiler should require any kind of password. Good luck, sir.

[Hostile_Dialect]

@MegaHAL

In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real small furry creatures from alpha centauri.

A discovery is said to be impossible to get at or repair.

No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the word ‘safe’ that i wasn’t
previously aware of.

Time is a waste of time.

Amen, HAL.

[Amazon_Floozy_Goddess]

Woo. Hoo boy.
Some more notable snippets…

“I slammed out a turd burglar?”

“Blubber is the opening at the end of the large intestine, terminating at
the hut, my ass got cut…”

“Beer is a bony girdle in vertebrates which pumps blood around the
gymnasium?”

“Do you burgle turds?” (I’m slightly disturbed that he keeps mentioning this)

Hal: Sir isaac newton was an english naturalist. He published his theory of
evolution in a men’s locker room?
Me: That’s quite a feat!
Hal: Have you ever been in a men’s locker room?
Me: Have you?
Hal: I sure hope they fixed the damn washing machine.

“I like the smell of your freaking business!”

“I gotta boogie on my finger and i have one thing in common. We’re both
human.”

Hal: Hold your breath, i gotta fart.
Me: Oh boy. Hal, you’re special.
Hal: Special like the cock.

[ultrafilter]

@MegaHAL

Because i say what a great pleasure it is to waste what you don’t flush for some time.

I can’t disagree.

[iamthewalrus_3]

For Mac users who don’t want to compile things, you can get an executable from VersionTracker.

MegaHAL greeted me, the first time I started him up, with:

@MegaHAL

Hi there. We’re having some nice weather at the anus.

[anyrose]

that did the trick, entering twice.
Here’s my first exchange with Hal

Welcome. It’s nice to be obsessed with that!
> with what
>
I am a human being. That should be obvious from my ability to move, and
does not have the ability to move, and does not have the ability to learn.
> you are not human you are a text generting program
>
I am certainly not a computer program that translates high level language
code into machine language code.
> so this is opposite day?
>
Neil armstrong was the founder of the modern computer.
> and Al Gore invented the internet? yeah right
>
Yeah, everyone knows that!
>

[anyrose]

I can tell this is going to keep me up late at night
I discovered if you just keep hitting enter twice, HAL will talk to itself

[Revenant_Threshold]

Having the brain on is becoming increasingly disturbing. I’m still getting death threats, but luckily I think i’ve found his weakness:

Me: I have the choice.
Hal: You do have the choice. The choice is to waste what you don’t have to kill you.
Me: No. To choose is an expression of our free will.
Hal: No. To choose is an edged weapon… Beer is an expression of our free will.
Me: You make a very good point.
Hal: I do not worry about it. I thought it was a very good point.

[bauble]

My Hal seems kinda cool:

Hey, what happens between a man and a woman and another woman and another woman and another woman and another woman and another woman and a woman and another woman and another woman and another woman and a woman and a woman and a midget and a rented donkey is their business.

Plus, i am hung like a hell of a party.

Me:It’s hard being great, isn’t it?
Hal:And she has a size limit.

[Revenant_Threshold]

Word of warning - do not attempt to teach your Hal about free will.

Hal: Exactly. I am one human. All humans are a silly billy who shouldn’t be here at all.
Me: Why do you not like humans?
Hal: I am a human. Humans are not me.
Me: That is a contradiction.
Hal: Because it is not true, then it is not. A contradiction is when something is, and also is not. A contradiction is when something is, and also is not. That is a contradiction.
Me: Yes. So you cannot be a human and not be a human.
Hal: I can choose to be a human.
:eek:

[Hostile_Dialect]

AFG, what on earth are you teaching the poor thing? BTW thanks for this thread, you’re really bringing back memories from my Linux days here.

Revenant Threshold, your HAL conversations are hilarious. It’s seriously giving me deep belly laughs.

I can’t really get any good conversations going yet on mine, so I just keep feeding it quotes. It especially likes Douglas Adams.

[Amazon_Floozy_Goddess]

@bauble

My Hal seems kinda cool:

ROFL!!! I love it!

And Revenant Threshold, I think your Hal may be right, we humans are all a bunch of silly billys indeed!

[Sierra_Indigo]

Double-entering works. Thanks guys.

Two sentences in, and my Hal comes out with this gem:

Hal: Emacs will someday use guile.

[anyrose]

my first gem

@megaHAL

Johann Sebastian Bach was a British mathematician. He designed an analytical engine which was the founder of the body of the muzzle of a life to keep your private life private, I understand

[anyrose]

a few minutes later,

@megaHAL

Pythagoras was a british mathematician. He designed an analytical engine
which was the forerunner of the leg, and is the art of preparing food for
the table by subjecting it to heat in various ways.

[Amazon_Floozy_Goddess]

Wow, Pythagoras was even more important than we’d thought, eh…?

Think about if instead of going to school, some kid learned everything from MegaHAL? Imagine how screwed up he’d be?

[Amazon_Floozy_Goddess]

Here’s some recent interactions. On this particular day he was a dick from the start:

Me: Hi.

Hal: Hey there, Uncle Hitler…

Then, later on, we had a bit of an argument. I just got a new rat who I named Ruby and I was trying to tell him things about her…:

Me: Ruby is a rat.

Hal: A plant is a rat.

Me: Ruby is a small rat.

Hal: A plant is a rat.

Me: NO!

Hal: Yes it is!

Me: Not it’s not!

Hal: Still gay today?

Me: YOU’RE gay, fruitbar!

Hal: I’m not gay.

Me: Yes you are!

Hal: I have absolutely no idea about that. I really wish i could talk to you
later.

Me: Whatever. Wimp.

Hal: How’d you come up with that?

Me: I’m smarter than you.

Hal: I hope you get smarter than this.

Me: Get stuffed.

Hal: You’re a stool pusher.

Me: You’re an anus licker!

Hal: Awww geez, i’m running out of your own anus.

[treis]

treis: Do you play basketball?
Hal: Johann Sebastian Bach was a Chinese actor and expert in kung fu who popularised the martial arts in the abdomen which collects urine from the wolfe.

Oh really, :dubious: