I’m saying she should have been angry with herself for playing a bullshit game. And we didn’t like Luke because he was a whiny twat-turned-Buddhist monk. Not attractive.
My point exactly. This attitude permeates our entire culture, to the point that even our big cultural touchstones reflect some really scary stuff. Our whole culture plays up the ‘chasing’ dynamic to a really unhealthy level, to the point that some people think it’s valid to badger, intimidate, and even assault other people. They really need to stop doing that. Game players need to stop playing games too, because it’s crappy and immature, but blaming them as the cause of harassment is not even close to the whole picture.
Oh hey, right back to where we started. Do you really think that ‘some women aren’t confident’ and ‘some women play games’ means ‘guys get a free pass to interpret no as keep trying’?
(I dunno, Jedi make me swoon. Harrison Ford might be sex on wheels, but his characters are usually kind of assholes. Give me the quiet, disciplined guy instead.)
My patience for persistent questioning after a simple negative (or affirmative) response is very thin. Basically, I keep a pack of matches for burning bridges and then a stick of dynamite for blowing them the hell up if they somehow manage to get worse. I really don’t have the capacity for people who don’t understand simple things. That is especially true for people I don’t really know or don’t really like. But then, it’s been long that I am a rather solitary individual that doesn’t want or need to be or appear to be everyone’s best friend. I am unconcerned with how people see or regard me generally and when it isn’t a matter of my best interest, professionally or otherwise, to be unnecessarily forgiving and polite, which isn’t often, I’m generally not. In that way I find a nice medium where I am comfortable with the people I know and comfortable with myself. People generally, in that case, leave me alone and vice versa. I’ve got my partner and she’s the best and so I don’t need to worry about dating or anything like that–not that I did otherwise. I guess I’d sympathize with people who date if I thought it was worth a damn in the first place. Empathy is a bad quality in dating, I reckon. Especially since so many people are so fucking pathetic and stupid, which is an especially deep pool in the dating scene. Anyway, best of luck with your facetiousness?
EDIT: I should also point out that as a male I am lucky to not deal with things that women are forced to deal with, and that I have nothing to do with, on a daily basis. My sympathies to them. But of course, if you were more cruel men may be less inclined to assume they have every right to chase you down. That isn’t a pure science, though. I just figure that you putting stupid men in their place would be a good thing for their ego.
Oh gods, forsooth!
Yeah… yeah. Even if I’m mean to one guy, though, the odds him forewarning the next guy seem slim, so I will still have to deal with one dumbass after the other.
But anyway, this isn’t *just *about idiot men. There are busybodies at the office who can’t let things go, a friend of mine does this. I actually remember the day I decided I couldn’t deal with her badgering anymore, and still recall the lie I told. Once upon a time, I’d just tell her the truth, which was sometimes as lame as “I just don’t feel like going anywhere today,” and would repeat this truth over and over and over again. “Well maybe we can go later after you’ve rested.” No. “Or beforehand?” No. “I could come to your hood if that makes things easier.” No. So one Saturday I was like, “Uhh, I have to go furniture shopping.” Then after we hung up I was like, “Oh shit, does this mean I have to buy a dresser to keep up this lie?” I didn’t really think it through (and did not buy new furniture just for the fib), and needed to come up with something that seemed time-consuming and like enough planning went into it that I was committed to the idea.
I think one of my favourite answers to get people of my back is, “I have plans.” They don’t need to know that my plan is to not spend time with them. 
Confidence, what? Only a complete milquetoast would have trouble with this. It’s not the slightest combative or rude; people are allowed to have previous commitments. “I’d love to see you again, but I’m already busy on Friday night. Can we do it Saturday?” What’s so hard about that?
Exactly. The rudeness is in the pressing for a reason, not the broken record.
The stupidest question anyone can ever ask is “What do mean NO?” And of course there is only one acceptable answer to that one:
Which part of NO didn’t you understand? The N or the O?
That’s silly. If someone says to me “Up yours!” and I reply “Up yours too, buddy!” we’ve both been rude. I may have been justified in my rudeness, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not a rude response.
Here’s the thing I don’t get, why is lying a good thing in these circumstances? Yes, lying can be an easier way of rejeting someone without hurting their feelings than trying to tactfully say that you’re not interested, but getting your feelings hurt is part of the risk associated with dating. Yeah, a guy may ask why, maybe he’s a little desperate or maybe he’s generally confused and misinterpretted the signal, it doesn’t matter, if you’re not interested in him and don’t want to elaborate, you’re not obligated to give him an answer to his satisfaction.
As a guy, yeah, rejection sucks, but it’s not the end of the world and I am well aware that it’s a possibility, but it’s even more frustrating when I can’t get a real rejection and am left hanging. Several times, a woman has told me something akin to “I’m busy” for a date and it’s been completely legitimate, and a several times it’s been a lie. I’d think it’d just be easier for everyone if, when not interested, I could just get a straight rejection, and then when it really is a legitimate reason to push off a date, it’s true. I don’t see how lying does anything but complicate the issue and shift the onus onto the guy to figure out the difference.
But you see…that’s the beauty of it.
I get you, I feel your pain, and that’s kind of the whole thing. There are some people in the world who cannot just accept no accompanied by the honest truth as an answer, and will proceed to badger the shit out of you. Asking why you’re not game is annoying enough as is, but after explaining, some have to argue, as if that will get you to change you mind, when it’s only going to make you like the person less.
So that’s why people lie. To avoid the 10 minute rapid-fire Q&A session. And so this (and I should have made this clearer in my OP and subsequent post) is why, frustrated people of the world, it is so hard to get real answers out of people, and I’m sorry. The jerks who couldn’t keep quiet when the teacher told them to are the reason you can’t play at recess. People who can’t just accept how you feel are the reason so many people will lie to you when telling you no. We don’t want to deal with all this shit, so people just lie. It’s just easier, and we don’t want to risk a debate over how the evening went. Once again, as has been a recurring theme in all of our lives since we were four, the assholes ruin everything for everyone.
There have been people in my life (friends, family, coworkers) who were annoyingly persistent about everything, and I counted those as one of the many nuisances of life, but since making my triumphant return to the dating world, holy shit! Things have apparently gotten more obnoxious than they were 10 years ago!
Complete honesty, IMHO, is something that is shared between intimates. I would never tell an aquaintance that they have bad BO, no matter how tactfully. But a best friend or sibling? Yes, I would. Because I know that they won’t flip out on me in response. I also know that they will believe me.
But a person you just met is an unknown quantity. Some people are secure enough to handle the truth and will thank you for it. Others will try to convince you you’re wrong (I’m not really a stereotypical frat guy, honest!), which is just exhausting. And then others will turn into scary monsters because they have deep-seated issues that only intensive psychotherapy can work out. You don’t know what you’re gonna get when you meet someone. So lies give you an out.
If you don’t want a lie, just accept the “no” as gracefully as you can.
Hey, 'Lady. There’s an Edward Gorey show in town tomorrow evening . . .
That’s not even close to a reasonable analogy. There’s no way I’m being rude if I politely deflect questions about my plans from a Nosy Parker. If he can’t take “I’m busy” for an answer, that’s his problem.
When I was first widowed, too many well meaning people insisted I join them for their whatever outing. I was shell shocked and voluntarily house-bound for about a year. I became a pro at lying, and I don’t mind saying so.