Well, it shouldn’t need to be said, but there are an unfortunate number of cases where it does need to be said. Even more unfortunately, these sorts of parents are commonly the exact sort to get all pissy if you do say something about them controlling the child, or attempt child-wrangling maneuvers yourself. It can be really delicate, especially if the inattentive parents in question are the SO’s family rather than your own. And especially if the kids in question are the light of everyone’s life and can absolutely do no wrong. Ask me how I know this. Go ahead, ask.
I’ve found that the three little hellions, er, angels we’ll be hosting Thursday do infinitely much better if there’s something constructive to occupy them, so I’m setting up an activity table with some crayons and coloring books and cheap modeling clay and maybe something to make some Christmas ornaments. And since I’ve also found that they do much better if someone is keeping half an eye on them and nipping trouble in the bud (and nobody else appears willing to do that), I’m setting it up in the corner of the living room where they’re not underfoot, but still within the sweep of my radar.
Dude, just be honest and say you don’t like kids and would prefer they didn’t come. It’s a lot less hurtful than inviting someone to your house and then resenting them the whole time.
The kids are guests, too. It’s not like these are someone’s pets or walking tumors or something. You invited them as your guest. You have a responsibility to make sure they are comfortable, safe and entertained. This might mean you gotta do stuff you don’t “feel” like doing.
Don’t want to have to work to make your guests happy? There are thousands of restaurants that serve nice Thanksgiving dinners.
This particular thread, however, is specifically regarding people who show up at others’ houses, expect everybody else to watch the kid so that they can have a good time, and then look at you in disgust when their kid has a (choose one) knocked-out tooth/bloody nose/smashed finger because the parents were (choose one) drunk/parked in front of the food table/showing somebody the new rims on their car. I can’t be a host and a nanny all at the same time, that’s all I’m sayin’—and I just need to figure out how to let the parents know this.
Because it’s a “family” holiday. People don’t hire babysitters for their kids for Thanksgiving dinner.
As others have mentioned, sure, you shouldn’t have to tell parents to watch their own damned kids. And yet, I’ve more than once had to yell to my sister and brother in law that if they don’t keep their children out of my tiny kitchen where I’m handling 23 very hot things all at once, then I’m going to stuff their children into the washing machine until dinner is ready.
xanthous, make sure to safeguard any of your things that you don’t want broken. Do your best to remove anything that’s egregiously dangerous to someone who is two feet tall and has no sense of their own mortality. Try to keep your guests confined to one or two rooms until dinner is ready, with a special request to keep kids out of the kitchen. And try making an announcement that has worked for me “This place is not childproofed. My idea of childproofing is moving the porn and the weapons to a slightly higher shelf. I cannot guarantee your childrens’ safety. So if you can’t SEE your kid, you need to FIND your kid. If I find your kid before you do, I’ll return them to you. Once. After that, they go into the washing machine for safekeeping.”
As long as you give the parents a friendly heads-up, “Hey, remember our house isn’t childproof,” I’d say you’re in the clear in terms of your obligations. I’d also ask the parents to keep the kids out of the kitchen. And for your own sake, I’d move any very fragile things to a higher place. Yes, parents should watch their kids to make sure they don’t get into your breakable, but accidents can happen.
I can’t imagine a better way to cause a huge family rift. “Why aren’t Cousin Sally and the kids here?” “Oh, xanthous disinvited them because she doesn’t like children.” For a regular dinner party, it wouldn’t be a problem. But this is Thanksgiving. Everyone from the creakiest old grandma to the newest little baby is expected to be at the table.
Next year, I would let someone else host, xanthous. If it stresses you out and causes you to resent family, hosting a gathering with kids is not likely to lead to a pleasant experience for you or them.
Any expectation you’ll change the parent’s behavior is unrealistic. So …
My advice is to ignore the problem. Kids are injury-prone, but pretty cripple-proof. These things are learning experiences for the tykes. So warn the parents for CYA sake, and just be deaf when the crying starts.
If the kids will be unsupervised at your house, it’s a pretty good bet they’re unsupervised at home too. IOW, they’re used to the same level of risk you’ll be presenting. The fact they survived more or less intact up until this Wednesday is a pretty good indication they’ll also survive more or less intact until they leave on Thursday.
As to protecting your prized possesions from breakage, you’ve got to put those away whether the kids are perfectly supervised or utterly unsupervised. Unless the kid’s tied into a pram, they can get away & if they do, it’s a good bet they’ll make a beeline for your priceless Ming vaaahse.
I agree that littles are alien life forms, but they’re also terribly cute and generally well-meaning. You were once their age, you had similar needs at one time.
Geez, the kid’s parents are probably frazzled at the notion of traveling and visiting and keeping Little Junior happy. Most kids hate to have their routines disrupted, they whine and fuss and fidget. And the parent (who doesn’t enjoy the sound any more than YOU do, and has to hear a LOT more of it) has to be kind and loving to their child even when it’s being a miserable shit or else it’ll grow up with some kind of misanthropic complex and complain on message boards all day long.
It’s not fun for us either, y’know.
In fact it often sucks.
It’s nice when family is supportive and helpful, instead of judgmental.
But I agree, you shouldn’t be saddled with the responsibility all on your own, either, just because you’re the one with the best gathering space. Talk to Grandma and Auntie about your concerns and ask them to provide some backup for the parents, since you’ll be too busy cooking and entertaining to do so yourself. It’s only fair.
Re: childproofing, we had to do a lot of that b/c of having twins, and inquisitive ones at that. I agree with pp’s suggestions - and talk to the kid’s parents, find out what his/her trouble zones are. Some kids are fascinated by the potty, others are climbers, and some kids gravitate to books on shelves.
Little kids really DO hurt themselves sometimes – stairs and water are the biggest dangers, IMHO. And pulling things down on themselves.
Re: the tree, ask the kid’s parents to bring their safety fence and put it up around the tree, about 2’ out. That’ll keep the child away (you may need to anchor it to the wall). It’s like this, the parents probably have one (and if they don’t, you can whine to grandma and ask her to buy one - used - at Goodwill or Once Upon a Child).
Put your television in there, too, while you’re at it – my dd broke our TV at 16 mos. She pushed the on/off button rapidly. It was the only time she ever got near our television and it only took once.
Nowadays when I watch my friend’s 2-yr-old twins I always unplug the TV.
Setting up a box with kid safe toys in a designated corner is always a good idea.
You don’t have to go hog wild for a fancy box or toys. Just a cardboard box and throw some pots and pans, paper, crayons ( if the kid is old enough to deal with not eating them) and maybe some building blocks, blanket, or something.
(A roll of scotch tape is hypnotic to children…for hours…)
Are you kidding? It’s Thanksgiving, not a dinner party.
I disagree. You shouldn’t have to completely sanitize the room, but if there’s something really special that’s within toddler-reach, put it away for the day. Move it to a higher shelf. No need to tempt fate.
Hopefully, the child’s parent’s will bring toys and things to keep the little one entertained, but as the host, you can be a little accomodating as well.
Child-proofing your home isn’t just about keeping the kids safe, it’s also about making sure that priceless Ming Vase that you like to display on your coffee table is safe too. If there is going to be a toddler in your house then you have to assume they are going to knock something over and/or purposely throw something to the floor. That’s what they do. If you refuse to put anything away then you will be here next week asking “A toddler broke my priceless Ming vase, should the parents have to pay?” (The answer is no, you invited them into your museum and you didn’t put up velvet ropes.)
Frankly, I have to wonder why you are hosting Thanksgiving for a bunch of people you don’t like. 20 or 30 years from now, when those toddlers are hosting, don’t be surprised if they say, “you can come to Thanksgiving at our house but we aren’t going to assist you with your walker and we refuse to accommodate you dietary needs.” Won’t that be nice.
I HAVE a toddler and I don’t have safety covers on the outlets!
I would definitely remove anything you don’t want broken, and I would warn the parent that the house isn’t childproofed. Other than that, let the parent worry about it.
ETA: To the folks that are suggesting that you tell them not to bring the kid, I agree with BiblioCat and DianaG…you can’t ask them not to bring the kids to a family holiday dinner! If you can’t handle the kids in the house to that degree, then someone else needs to host Thanksgiving!
On re-read, the OP has not suggested that she does not like children, or that she does not want them to attend. Her issue is with the lazy-ass parents that let the little bastards run wild in her home.
Just wanted to add another vote that it is not your responsibility to watch your guests’ kids.
Remove anything that you will be very upset it it gets broken. And feel free to repeatedly tell the parent, “Please keep your kid from ___.” And if the parent is the type who was not minding their kid, expect them to think the less of you for reminding them to do so.
A visiting parent should not expect anyone else to watch their kid. They should be grateful if anyone offers to, but should not expect it. Nor should they think their host should have to suffer any damage/expense due to their kid’s actions.
Unfortunately, the only solution is to not invite these people until their kids get older. My immediate family has 14 nieces and nephews less than a decade apart in ages. When they were younger we intentionally invited them over only in the summer when we could host primarily outside. In our opinion it was just too many people/kids to have inside of our house.
A warning should suffice. Seriously! Actually, it’s not even necessary. Unless this is the very first time your guests have EVER taken their child to someone else’s house, they MUST know what to expect and that not everyone’s home will be child-safe to the degree that their home is. Parents are always responsible for the safety of their children. It’ the most important job they have. It’s kind of you to consider them, but there’s no need to accommodate them or stress out about it!
