People actually childproof their homes? I thought all that shit was for suckers.
We keep our kid safe through the novel expedient of watching her and teaching her not to do dangerous things. Our philosophy is that she’s our kid and so it’s our job to keep an eye on her. I’d expect nothing less of a guest with children.
Maybe some of you should read the OP again. Xanthous said nothing about not liking kids. She said she had some parents who didn’t behave like parents in other people’s houses and what might she do about the PARENTS.
While I agree with Dinsdale that outdoor gatherings are the best choice all around, I think it’s really sad how a discussion of “How can our family enjoy our time together during the holidays?” sounds like treaty negotiations between warring nations.
It’s a little expensive, but worth every penny.
nevermind
Not to mention the fact that this is often the time when we, as parents, get to see family we don’t see very often. NOT that that means that we shouldn’t watch our children! But it is additionally stressful when people you haven’t seen recently are asking you questions and you’re trying to answer but every 35 seconds you have to say, “Excuse me” and go grab things out of your toddlers’ hands or what have you.
Again, I’m not saying that it anyone’s responsibility but mine and my husband’s, but I can sure tell you that it’s not enjoyable in the least.
The point of the OP, though, is that this expectation - while entirely reasonable - is unlikely to be met based on past experiences with the specific parents in question.
The OP is about to be infringed upon by guests. She can see it coming. She has invited thoughtless parents and their children into her home. She can either take steps to mitigate the situation, or she can do nothing and later correctly say, “It wasn’t my fault,” if a kid gets hurt, or her stuff gets broken.
Whether the latter outcome would be acceptable is a personal decision. If not, then some kind of preparation (or cancelling the party, or disinviting the likely offenders) is really the OP’s only option.
Well doggone, sugar and spice, I’d thought of a reply to your point about how families don’t necessarily get along very well.
What I wanted to say is, standing firm on principle (“Parents with children should always do thus-and-so”) is not, IMHO, very useful at helping families get along better.
Not that it’s OK to invade people, either, and declare the territory in the name of children, planting the flag of chaos in your living room.
Nobody’s got the “right” position.
The point is to listen to each other’s feelings and needs.
That’s all.
We have good friend with a 1 year old, and our house is no where near toddler friendly. It’s a split level, with stairs everywhere, and we’re both on the untidy side.
I’d start with the “Please be aware that our house isn’t terribly kid friendly”. Then ask if anyone has a couple of baby gates that can be used to cordon off areas the little ones really shouldn’t be in. Like the kitchen, or the stairs.
We’ve found that a couple of simple things make our main living space much less of a problem. Tuck away cords. We don’t bother unplugging everything but if it’s got a long cord hanging out, we tuck the cord underneath, or wrap it up. Same goes for the draw cords on blinds and curtains. Wardrobe boxes and/or an unused door (laid on the edge) make reasonable gates across the stairs, and can be slid out of the way to let people past. Anything with value, $ or sentimental, and breakable, gets moved to an upper shelf for the day. After that, it’s up to the parents.
Yes, to be clear: I like kids. I just don’t have any of my own, and the thought of a child getting injured in my home because I’m the only good cook in the family and therefore always strongly encouraged to host a big group at Thanksgiving—well, it just scares the shit out of me. I’m a nervous nellie anyway, which is probably 45% of the reason I don’t have kids. And then to have this one particular free-wheelin’ couple arrive with their 1.5 year old—well I feel like it’s me that usually has an eye on this kid, and I’m just not going to be able to do that at this get-together. I’m going to be in the kitchen all day.
A quick story this couple told about their kid: it was in the morning, they were both preoccupied with TV or some other project, not watching the kid or listening for sounds the kid is making. All of the sudden toddler comes around the corner gleefully swinging the handle of a glass vase—a handle that has 3-inch shards of glass protruding from either end where the handle used to be attached to said vase. And shards of glass all over the floor around him. And the parents tell this story like it’s funny.
To me—not funny.
Quite obviously we will not have any vases sitting around, or glass or small choke-on-able objects. But we have a Christmas tree up, and tall media racks, and TVs with wires, and floor-mounted home theater equipment, and coffee tables with corners, and wood stairs, and doors with lever handles. And stuff like that.
Out of curiosity, what is the rest of your family doing? No, I don’t think that they are responsible for watching the kid, but if the kid disappears, maybe they could make the parents go get said kid? In my family, during family gatherings, until the kids are old enough to go off on their own without making trouble for any length of time, the kids are everyone’s problem. Well, everyone’s problem except the host’s. The host shouldn’t have to worry about others’ children in their house.
And by everyone’s problem, I don’t mean that the whole party moves room to room with the kid, but someone inevitably says, “Hey, overly’s sister - your kid’s going upstairs! Do you care?” If my sister cares, she goes and gets him and brings him back or finds an appropriate activity for him. Similarly, if my son is, say, rummaging around under a sink, a family member will usually steer him away or come get me to distract him.
Regardless, I’d fourth or fifth the suggestions that you don’t need to do anything special - just say when people come in, “Don’t forget - the place isn’t babyproofed. I tried to pick up the breakables, but these are the danger zones: X, Y, Z.” Ideally, the kids will stay where everyone can see them; if they don’t, it’s up to the parent to go check on them.
My pet horror is that they’ll get hold of cleaning fluids with their nice colours and easy to open lids - either under the sink in the kitchen or in the bathroom. I’d get those up into a higher cupboard.
I know just the type of parents you mean.
Hopefully paying attention to the kid. But the last time somebody else “watched” the kid, their cell phone ended up in the toilet.
Ah. I see your frustration.
Human have been around for millions of years, in a world that is much more dangerous than the modern living room. I promise the kid is going to be able to handle an afternoon in a house full of people without you needing to watch him like a hawk. Just relax about it and try to enjoy your family’s company.
I see you’ve met my cousin. She seems to be raising her children on the theory that society should be keeping an eye on them. She acts like them destroying other people’s property is just an unavoidable part of childhood. And her concern for their safety is pretty much hands off. (The last time they were visiting my parents’ house, she let her kids run wild around the front lawn while she sat about a hundred feet away sort of watching them. Considering her kids have about as much common sense as a cocker spaniel, one of them ended up running out into the road - which is a busy highway.)
So, when your kids were babies you had:
[ul]
[li]Keys, mobile, TV remote and spare change left out in plain view on the coffee table?[/li][li]China and glassware on the bottom shelves of all the bookcases?[/li][li]Cleaning materials and medicines in an unlocked cupboard under the sink?[/li][li]Freestanding CD racks on the floor?[/li][li]Coffee cups with boiling liquids left on the coffee table whenever you felt like it?[/li][li]No space cordoned off for pets to go where babies and toddlers couldn’t get to?[/li][li]In all other ways the physical environment of your home completely unchanged from before you had kids?[/li][/ul]
Really?
:dubious:
So… how did Thanksgiving end up going, OP?
When they arrived I stated very clearly that the kitchen was off-limits for the kid, and threw in the words hot food, knives, and danger to kind of illustrate why the kitchen was a no-no. We did our best to kid-proof the rest of the place within reason.
So, amazingly the kid didn’t pull down the Christmas tree, but at least eight times he was running around in the kitchen where I was trying to get things done with hot food/sharp knives, etc, and I had to say again and again “Can someone please come get ___ out of the kitchen?? It is not safe in here.” Two of those times he was trying to pull a 20 year old bottle of wine out of the rack we have in the kitchen. Once I found him trying to climb up the bookshelves in the living room. And I discovered him trying to pull the table cloth off the table, with wine, stemware, silverware all sliding toward the precipice. I mean, how many times do you grit your teeth and politely yet firmly remind people of the rules until you have to be an asshole and create drama? (which I did not have to do, but I really wanted to)
I was trying to pay attention, at this particular get-together, to the dynamic of how this happens, and I can definitely narrow it down to the very ADHD father who himself is constantly being distracted by sights and sounds. I have the feeling that the kid “gets loose” when the dad is supposed to be watching him. And I think that the mom probably gave up on nagging the dad a long time ago and just turns a blind eye and hopes all goes well when she’s not in charge.
Sigh…no tragedies, but I’m glad it’s over.
[quote=“Aspidistra, post:57, topic:474339”]
So, when your kids were babies you had:
[LIST]
[li]Keys, mobile, TV remote and spare change left out in plain view on the coffee table?[/li][/QUOTE]
Sure. Why not? We’re watching the kid.
[QUOTE]
[li]China and glassware on the bottom shelves of all the bookcases?[/li][/QUOTE]
No, but then, why would I have my glassware on a bookcase?
[QUOTE]
[li]Cleaning materials and medicines in an unlocked cupboard under the sink?[/li][/QUOTE]
Actually, this is the one thing we childproofed.
[QUOTE]
[li]Freestanding CD racks on the floor?[/li][/QUOTE]
Don’t own any.
[QUOTE]
[li]Coffee cups with boiling liquids left on the coffee table whenever you felt like it?[/li][/QUOTE]
I’ve never seen a coffee cup that could boil liquid, but no, I wasn’t concerned about having a hot drink because we were watching the kid.
[QUOTE]
[li]No space cordoned off for pets to go where babies and toddlers couldn’t get to?[/li][/QUOTE]
Nope.
[QUOTE]
[li]In all other ways the physical environment of your home completely unchanged from before you had kids?[/li][/QUOTE]
Well, there’s kid stuff everywhere.