Every painter who has slopped pain on woodwork before I have painted there, and allowed it to dry.
Thank you very much you lazy asshole. I realise that it can be difficult remembering to take a wet rag around with you, I’ve been known to have to actually go into the other room for one. I could almost forgive your lethargicness, but I have to get on my hands and kness and whipe off your crap just to make the paint job I have just put on look like it was done by a professional.
Now, someone please pass me those size 11eee, steel toed,lumabar enforced,tire tread Red Wings. I’m wearming up right now!
Every painter who has slopped pain on woodwork, or left runners on the corners before I have painted there, and left it to dry.
Thank you very much you lazy asshole. I realise that it can be difficult remembering to take a wet rag around with you, I’ve been known to have to actually go into the other room for one. I have to get on my hands and knees and whipe off your crap just to make the paint job I have just put on look good.
And a Left-handed Dope slap to you Homeowners and Property Managers who hire such incompetent painters. May you suffer for every moment I have had to smell paint removers to please your previously indifferent but now pickey asses
Now, someone please pass me those size 11eee, steel toe,high top,tire tread Red Wings. I’m warming up right now!
To lovey-dovey and snoogie-woogums who thought it was so cute to have their little play-argument over how to go through the ticket turnstile without letting go of each others hands, oblivious to the fact that they’re blocking not one, but two gates with about 50 people standing behind them.
People who talk on cell phones while they’re driving,
Priests who molest boys when they should be shriving,
Georgia cremator with lakes full of dead,
These people all need a boot to the head!
Lazy cow-orkers who sit on their asses,
Pro sporting figures who miss easy passes,
Enron employees who document-shred,
These people all need a boot to the head!
Turn signal owners who never do use them,
Parents of children who always abuse them,
Terroist assholes who fill us with dread,
These people all need a boot to the head!
When the horn honks,
When you’re cut off,
When the light stays red,
Just 'round up all those god-damned annoying folks,
And boot them all in the head!
Thanks a ton, BlackKnight. Now I have visions of a young Julie Andrews wearing that goofy, billowing, floral dress and black, steel-toed boots laced up to the knee. She’s dancing atop a beautiful pastoral mountain, and violently kicking 8 Aryan children in the heads as she sings about the beauty of nature, and the necessity of boots to the head.
In the background, 2 nuns are singing:
How do you solve a problem like Maria
How do you boot the booter to the head
How do you make her stay
And head-boot her all day
How do you kick her till she’s dead…
Actually, it is kinda a nice vision to start the day.
I have this vision of a huge boot, like the one in the Simpsons when Bart makes a collect call to Australia, and they want to boot him for punishment. I want that boot! Every time I hear about some idiot drunk driver who killed innocent people–BOOT!! In the butt, Bob!!! Bosses who sexually molest their employees–BOOT!!! My thesis committee member who is making it very difficult for me to graduate–BOOT!!! I can think of a lot more people I’d like to boot, but I’ll stop there for now.
The goddamned ice cream man who rolls through the neighborhood playing “It’s A Small World” at the highest possible volume – affording me the thrill of singing along for over an hour (and then by myself for another four hours) every single day.
Boot to the head… No, that would be wrong. He should get smashed across the bridge of the nose with a baseball bat that has been shoved up Oprah’s ass and then dragged through a barn full of wet dog hair.
