People who WILL BE SHOT under the Inky regime

Those who attempt to insidiously bog down the revolution with committees and bureaucracy shall be three-hole punched, then strangled to death with red tape.

In triplicate.

I’m watching you, Blackclaw


And yet it is so hard to execute a convicted murderer.

If felons are included count me in!

I see that scout1222 has answered my question: Accountants appear to be natural revolutionaries, and quite willing to be silly in support of the Inky Regime. Hail, Comrade Accountant!

All drivers who insist on forming snotwads of traffic on busy highways shall be summarily flogged and then hung by their toenails on telephone poles for all to see and be forewarned. These people are the numbnuts who drive side by side, barely going the speed limit, but not allowing faster drivers to pass safely on the left.

I have made it my goal in life to do all these punishable offenses as often as I can.

Just try to stop me, you rebel bastards!! Bwahahahaha!! You’re all helpless feeble children beneath my invincible heel!

May I please be in charge of executing—

• People who shriek loudly into their cell phones in public

• People who spit in public

• People who carry those huge beach-sized umbrellas on city sidewalks

• “Funny” weather forecasters

Jerks who just spent an hour wandering around a grocery store but are now too tired to walk just a little bit longer to return their shopping carts will be forced to let me slam the cart into their car repeatedly.

Only if you add People who take up two seats on trains.

Hail Inky!

I’ll do my part to support the revolution, assuming I can nominate a few candidates for the firing squads.

– People who allow their kids to ride those friggin’ scooters on crowded rush hour sidewalks. I’m not talking big kids who can handle little things like, oh, steering, stopping, slowing down, and having some concept of what traffic lights mean. I’m talking kids whose scooters are taller than they are, and who have just recently mastered walking. Can we say “accidents waiting to happen?”

– Crazy delivery guys on bicycles. I know there was a bike thread recently, but the delivery crews in my area are a species of their own. Please, go ahead, run the light-- clearly, you’re in a hurry and I didn’t need my shins anyway.

Viva Inky!

Or people who are so concerned with the possibility of their automobile being scratched that they take up two parking spaces…

This is why I love having a tiny car. I can usually wedge into the half-a-spot left behind by Mr. (or Ms.) I-Can’t-Be-Arsed-To-Park-Properly, thus leaving them with little or no space to back out.

I feel completely justified in doing this, as I am always able to park my car completely within the lines of the parking space.

Can we also shoot men, teenaged boys, and junior high girls who do this? Please?

We certainly can. I justify this under the “He needed killin’” clause of the new legal codes.

Look here, friends and comrades. There is no need to wait for the revolution and the dictatorship of Inky. We can just extend the logic of the States that allow, nay encourage, the bearing of firearms. For Pete’s sake, I went into a Hindu restaurant in Briant, TX, with my little old grey haired mother only to encounter a sign that announced that because the establishment served booze I was required to check my weapons. The flash back to the O Clubs in Saigon aside, it seems reasonable that we ought to be able to mount coax machine guns on our automobiles and instantly act out our murderous tendencies and highway/parking- lot rage. Some Bozo going down the road with his turn flasher on? A five round burst ‘ll fix him.

The real question is what weaponry is appropriate to, for instance, a 1985 Chevy. You would think that o single M 60 would be sufficient. On the other hand, maybe a full size pickup truck could carry the weight of a 20-mm cannon. We have to draw the line some place. I propose no crew served, multi-barrel stuff or anything bigger that 40-mm without a special overweight permit. Maybe someone at the NRA can work up a Constitutional argument on this along the lines that the 2d Amend. necessarily implies a corollary right to mount heat in non-commercial vehicles.

“I’ve got a little list, they never will be missed…”

What about drivers who stop in the middle of a residential street while an acquaintance on foot leans in at the car window for a chat? You know the ones I mean, they barely leave room to go around on the wrong side and get pissed if you toot your horn at them to move.

Can I run 'em over, can I please Inky? Viva la revolucion!!!

I propose the death penalty for co-workers who exclusively use their speakerphone in their cubicle office. If I wanted to hear the details of your account with HugeConGlomCo or the particulars of your latest urinalysis, I’d tap your damn phone, idiot! Expend an extra 30 calories and reach over to pick up the handset…


Gotta argue with you here, Connor. If these parents are that gaddamn dumb, the kids are probably better off wherever they end up in the evening than home with the folks.

As a result, they could indirectly and through no fault of their own, be having a positive impact on society.

Okay, I just scared the hell out of myself there.

Careful, you might annoy me.

Yet, because I am no fan of bureaucracy of myself, let’s allow the Inky action committee to be the only committee or bureacracy allowed to exist. I think once you see it in action you’ll understand that red tape is not something it creates.

Inky Committee in Progress

“Okay, so where’s Blackclaw?”

“Got him here on camera 2, looks like he’s driving home.”

“Whoa, Lady in the car in front of him just picked up a cell phone!”

“Check Blackclaw, is he annoyed?”

“I don’t know, that’s a strange facial expression, maybe his nose just itches?”

“Well if the cell phone user moves out of the left lane and shows good control of her vehicle maybe she won’t annoy him.”

“Maybe, but no go. She’s slowing down while she talks and beginning to weave.”

“She’s weaving in and out of the right lane! There’s no safe way to pass her!”

“Check on Blackclaw.”

“He’s way past annoyed.”

“Okay, it’s to the commitee - Are we annoyed?”


“What’s the handbook say?”

“Hmm… seems we are going to need a cheese grater, a truckload of salt, an 8ft piece of chain, and an 82’ Chevette.”

Now that’s revolutionary zeal! You’ve earned yourself a repreive, Blackclaw.

As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I’ve got a little list—I’ve got a little list
Of people who annoy me and might well be underground,
And who never would be missed—who never would be missed!
There are models who weigh 90 pounds and tell you that they’re fat,
Biographers who claim to own a subject just like that,
People in the Shop-Rite blocking aisles with their carts,
All sitcoms using plots that try to warm our little hearts,
And chiropractors who treat AIDS by giving you a twist—
They’d none of them be missed—they’d none of them be missed.

There’s the lawyers who claims verdicts all depend on what’s your race,
They’ve really got me pissed—I’ve got them on the list!
And people who smoke cigarettes and puff 'em in your face;
They never would be missed—they never would be missed!
Then the idiot who talks out loud with shrill and strident tone
On all commuter busses in their bloody new cell phone!
And the stout commuting lady who goes trudging down the street
With a business suit above but great big sneakers on her feet;
Jim Carrey, Robin Williams and all manic humorists;
I don’t think they’d be missed—I’m sure they’d not be missed.

Religious politicians who just now are rather rife—
Especially Baptists—I’ve got them on the list!
Who get into the Congress and then try to rule your life;
They’d none of them be missed—They’d none of them be missed!
Pretentious actors who insist their name is said “Rafe Fines,”
All critics who choose books that show up in The New York Times,
New Jerseyites who decorate their lawns with plastic gnomes,
And balding men who glue long strands of hair upon their domes—
But it doesn’t really matter who you put upon the list;
For they’d none of them be missed—they’d none of them be missed!

I would like to nominate Eve for a position of power in the new regime!