I’d rather get bloated and have my clothes feel tight – my sinuses get bloated. I get fluid in my ears. Ugh!
My best friend told me that if she would have a really strong orgasm at the beginning of her period, it would shorten it by days (I guess because of the muscle contractions).
The “you still have a mouth” jokes always come when a woman has already turned sex down once. I’d imagine if she was in the mood, she’d already be using her mouth. The jokes are in the same vein of “make me a sandwich”. The "joke"s not about whether the woman might like making him a sandwich sometimes just because she wants to.
You’re right-- Guys don’t get it. We can’t, really. How could we know what it’s like? We don’t get them.
That’s precisely why we need to be told about these things.
I guess I know different guys. Every time that “joke” has been made to me, I’ve 1.) found it funny and, 2.) been happy to oblige because, yanno, anything that gets me off makes me a happy camper. YM obviously V. 
There’s … uh … sorry, nevermind
If you liked that, you’ll enjoy this too:
When I had an appendicitis attack, the first thing I said was that I felt bloated. My wife’s reply was,“it sounds like you just got your period.”
Actually, I related that I once had a boyfriend with similar interests and I was OK with it. But I think I might have been the only one.
And you folks suggesting other rides in the “amusement park” - that’s going to vary. Not everyone likes anal. Some women have issues with either constipation or diarrhea or both around that time of the month which might or might not complicate the back door approach. Blowjobs? If both parties are game, sure, but sometimes a woman around period time is so full of bloating, cramping, headaches, and the like that, frankly, she may not feel like sex or even touching/cuddling.
Women shouldn’t assume their men are tracking their periods, or know how they feel/react, and should be upfront and plainspoken, like “I feel totally bloated and gross and do not want sex tonight”.
It probably wouldn’t hurt if men weren’t so quick to assume that women are reading a situation exactly as they are. Never hurts to ask “Up for sexy fun time?” no matter how sure you about nonverbal signals. If she says “I feel like crap because of PMS/period” you can also ask “what do you like to do to feel better?”
About men and how aware they are:
(I forget the comedian)
Women know everything about their children. Their birthdays, their favorite toys, their favorite colors, who their best friend is this week, who their teacher is, when the best friend’s birthday is, what grades they got last year in school, their spelling words for the week, you get the idea.
Men are vaguely aware of some small people in the house.
My man would be totally getting it by that point. In fact shagging is a cure for almost everything around these parts. Maybe his previous girlfriends were different from you.
I’m a guy, and I certainly get it.
I go up to my lady after eating, and say, “look at how bloated and full of poop mah belly is!” And still, she claws at my man-flash and insists on sex as if I’m just some piece of sex-meat! Yeesh… women.
Then we have lots and lots of sex.
“…mmhmmnn… You taste like pennies…”
Impossible. All men are insensitive jerks who only care about sex and think that every action is a prelude to penetration, just as all women become crabby, bloated monsters for 3-5 days out of every month.
Oh, I get it. Never trust anything that bleeds for a week but doesn’t die.
I’m almost 100% positive this is from Dave Barry.
I’ve never really had an issue with my partner not being understanding about that time of the month, especially because I’ve had so many medical complications as a result. That said, I’m not sure it’s realistic to expect any man to ‘‘get it.’’ A guy can get the basic gist of what it’s like to feel like crap, obviously, but I figure a guy has just as much chance of understanding what it’s like to have PMS as I understand what it’s like to get kicked in the balls. For this reason I think communication, while important at any time, is particularly critical during times like these.
IOW, ‘‘Oh, I’m sorry, you must have misunderstood. I have no interest in sex right now’’ should suffice.
That was my first reaction as well. I think it’s from “Complete Guide to Guys” or “Guide to Life.”
You don’t get comedy, then. There would be **ten times **as many period jokes.
How many poop jokes are there? A zillion? That’s because everyone has to crap.